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20-MAY-2005 Come out with a desparate, employee discount plan a month after I buy my new car. I could have bought the exact same one with added goodies, for $3000 less. Life is unfair. 04-MAY-2005 Inaccurately name your product "peanut lovers", leaving me to discover that not only are there far too few peanuts included for me to love, but far too many pretzels. Not only did you fuck that up, but you actually shaped the pretzels - like peanuts. Did the pretzel people hold you at gun point or something? Did they threaten your fucking children? If so, I hope they go after them anyway. Fuck you Chex-Mix and all your shitty spin-offs! 21-DEC-2004 Get me off of drugs just in time for there to be no way for me to get back on them. Thank you bureaucratic fucking nightmare. 03-DEC-2004 Lay your sticky, creepy egg case right on the cartridge for Tank, the only Atari game I was gonna bother to play after spending all my time sorting through the other games just to find it. Damn spiders. 26-NOV-2004 Not only join the long list of restaurants who have parted ways with Superior brand coffee, but replace it with Maxwell House. What kind of sick fucks are you people? Maxwell House is not coffee, it's a bunch of shitty commercials with 40-somethings spending a nice quiet moment by the fire in their over-decorated posh winter getaway cabin. I hate you all! 21-NOV-2004 Cut your toenails in the locker room of the gym. Do you not have a fucking bathroom at home? 18-NOV-2004 Put a bumper sticker on your car that says "Honk if you don't exist". Then, drive slower than I walk, annoying the hell out of me. Apparently you don't think you exist. 17-OCT-2004 In addition to slowly but surely declining in quality ever since my carefree high school years, decide quite suddenly that you now close at midnight rather then retaining your once coveted status as an enjoyable 24-hour hangout. It was bad enough when you changed your fucking coffee Judy's! 13-SEP-2004 Change my favorite breakfast cereal into two new, different versions. One with soy protein, and one with antioxidants. Now I have to buy two boxes and mix them together, further complicating my breakfast routine. Thank you, you trendy, gimmicky, marketing fucks. 06-JUN-2004 Close the southbound lane along the lake in the morning so you can build your damn bridge, causing me to be late for work. Then, on the same fucking day, open that lane and close the northbound one in the afternoon, making me late getting home from work. |