EriqX / Journal 2004

30-DEC-2004

There was a time when I could say that I've never broken any bones. It was a nice thing to be able to say. Of course that ended this past summer with my bare toe meeting a boot during an ultimate frisbee game. It was then I found out a few things. One, broken toes really don't matter. They hurt, and you limp on them. But seriously, it's a toe. Who cares. It healed in a little over a week and all was well. As of today I proclaim that 2004 was year of the broken toes. This is because I have broken another one. This time the big one. It's every bit as painful and just as purple as the last time. But again, just as last time, I will end up limping around and mostly ignoring it until it just goes away. So with that out of the way, I'll hope to keep future activities less damaging. Here's to 2005.

On that note, I am once again faced with the passing of another year. At the beginning of 2004 I had an overly optimistic attitude toward the future. Now that I'm done with it, I still do. Essentially, I spent 2004 repairing debt, and then promptly falling back into it - even worse. As of now I'm working harder and making drastic moves to get things repaired once and for all. I'm moving in a month. I have a new job. And I can't complain about my social or personal lives. Basically, things are taking longer than I want them to take. But I'm going to make it even so.

The last few days have been busy but good. I've got the insane deep-red hair handled. A celebration of simply being able to do such things again. A swung through Oshkosh for a quick post-xmas party with Mo and some of her friends. I passed my next level test in Jujutsu. And I've been cramming tons of info from work into my brain. Overload is nearing, I'm certain of it.

I got my schedule finalized however. 6am to 2:30pm, with Tuesdays and Wednesdays off. Not having weekends is pretty much the only drawback to this. Getting off every day at 2:30 is going to be awesome. I only hope I'm ready for the job.

Looking forward, I'm ready to party with some good peeps to ring in the new year. I'll have to do it without drinking, as everyone knows. But nothing is going to detract from everything I have to look forward to.

26-DEC-2004

Xmas is wrapping itself up. Both the eve and the day itself were great. The usual quiet family get together complete with all its traditions went smooth. Ian, Hannah and I got our morning treats at Speedway before eating even more sweet fatty goodness with the parents. After the gifts the entire family went out to see Napoleon Dynamite. So without further or needless detail, it was a good holiday.

On the work front, 3 weeks of training have passed. It's insane sometimes how fast time elapses. It doesn't seem too long since I was at my last job looking for a way out. That was a month ago. Next week I'm on the phones for the new job, although there is still a week of hand holding left. I love learning new things, but I also hate going from knowing what I'm doing to having to start all over again. But that's life.

For a short 4-day window, I was without meds due to the insurance change-over. After many phone calls and worries the situation resolved itself with thanks to some friendly-types in the HR department. I expect all will be well, and that all of these little transitions in my life will be feeling very normal and settled soon enough.

Today I am up nice and early. Mo needed to get up to make the return journey to Oshkosh, and I have tons to do with the time in front of me. Some post-xmas organization, and my hair needs a cut and some new dye. But mostly getting physically and mentally prepared for the upcoming move. It's one month away now, and as with every other move in my life, I have too much junk to handle. Everytime I say this it's the "once and for all" idea. Maybe this time for real. Maybe not.

19-DEC-2004

This weekend is now wrapping itself up. It flew by as ususal, but I have many good things to report. And only one unfortunate oversight.

Rachel's portfolio gallery was first. She had some great photos for sale, and there were a lot of people there. She's already told me that a number of prints have sold, so I'm expecting that she's happy with the results. I know it was a great time though. After the gallery, Mo, myself, Matt & Sarah, Eric, Scott, and eventually Matt B. had some drinks and relaxation time at Velvet Room. Cranberry juice for me, as the no-drink is still in early stages with only minor side effects. More on that later though. Overall it was a good night. Mo and I retired in a very overly-tired fashion.

Following as much rest as possible, Saturday required my strength and endurance for back-to-back Jujutsu classes, and the Lord of the Rings Extended Edition marathon at Matty-J's. I didn't make it exactly on time, but I enjoyed over two-thirds of it in good company. Sunday was sleep in day. As a result it went faster, and here I am.

Sadly, and I mean this big-time, I missed Meg and Steph's xmas party. My mail come in a big bundle of insurance info, and tucked within, thanks to the mail man, was the invite with the date. I knew it was coming, but now I've missed it after promising to go. Not to mention wanting to go. I feel horrible, and slightly duped by the postal service.

Now, there is more good news. And some bad. Good news is there is a check in my wallet that is going to vanquish some heavy debt. Of course I'm still paying this off. It's just all in one place now, which makes it much easier.

As far as drugs go, my first month of medication went well. I'm having a few side effects, but nothing I can't handle so far. Not drinking has been interesting as well. My first check-up post meds was excellent. I even beat the odds on some tests too, very nice. Now the bad news. My insurance is no longer effective from the previous job. It is active with the new job, however I don't have proof of this yet. My dosage was just doubled, I'm fresh out, and I can't pick up anything else. Unless I come up with an insane amount of money of course, or my new insurance card. I'll be talking to the proper people about that tomorrow at work, but I hope there is no major delay. I will be in trouble if I interrupt my little treatment fun.

I also have to renew my vehicle in the next few seconds or I'll be receiving a citation from a very nice Sheriff who was good enough to give me a month to do it. One month later I haven't been paid yet, so here I sit. There is always something.

14-DEC-2004

I'll get the work stuff out of the way, since it's on my brain at the moment. I love it, to put it over-simply. I'm only a week and a half into the initial training program, but it's never been so apparent to me things are going to be just fine. At least from a work perspective. The initiation video on day one bordered on eastern philosophy. The people are nice and smile and greet you. Everyone is willing to help, everyone is friendly, and everyone seems to genuinely love being there. I've never worked anywhere that was run so smoothly, logically, and focused. Not to mention actually empowering employees to make decisions, help customers instead of hurting them, and showing major support for moving employees up through the ranks. I wonder if it will ever start to feel like actual work.

In the outer-reaches of work, my carpool partner, Janey, is also a volleyballer. Thus, I may soon have another resource for recreational fun. The carpool action is working out splendidly, by the way. After a long enough period of time I can expect to save hundreds on gas, as well as wear and tear on the car. Life is good.

These past few weeks, I have been rather event-heavy. The Dune Hella-Thon, Dune movie night, and the upcoming Demolition Man movie night, Rachel's Gallery Show, and the insane undertaking that is Matty-J's LOTR marathon are all in the works. So I'm feeling busy, but it's mostly good stuff. The upside to this coming weekend, aside from the constant activities, is that I'll get to see more of Mo than ususal. Exams will be over and relaxation and nerdy-fun are sure to follow. Actually, it seems like I know tons of people that are under the stress of exams right now. Good luck to all of you crazy college kids! You're tougher than me.

Mental health and physical health are both in high gear right now. There were several things on my "year list" that I needed to do for myself and others. I think this is the first year in a long time that I can finally say I feel good about wrapping up the year. I have so much in motion right now that I can only see good things coming. I'm also going to try and remember to keep spirits up when things get less than desirable. So that's the plan. Get it all back together and stay there this time.

10-DEC-2004

When I wake up it will be Friday. My first week under new employment will wrap up with a "food day". Which I have come to understand involves me going to work, and being provided with a constant supply of food for 8 or so hours. I'm impressed, to say the least. Not only has this first week consisted of countless group activities and seemingly endless training, but I have discovered that I personally know 8 other employees. Some are friends, some are friends of friends or bothers of friends. Some have been there and I knew it. Some are girlfriends of friends, some are family of friends. One was a co-worker from my Lincoln-Mercury days... a long long time ago. But yet there they all are. In addition to the blasts from my pasts, I've already met 4 or 5 cool new people, whom I'll be glad to be working with. And I have a carpool buddy, effectively saving my fuel costs 50% of the burden. All this in a week. Let's just say I'm looking forward to everything that's to come. Including suddenly becoming the guy everyone goes to (even people I don't know yet) for a duct tape wallet. Whatever is attached to my reputation, it seems to be spreading fast amongst the new recruits. I couldn't be having a better time.

Overall, in addition to the new job training, things are well. I'm sleeping a little bit more now. I'm eating all sorts of good things again, I've actually been able to shop for real food. That's always a treat. No major complaints I guess is what I'm trying to say. For the duration of my work transitional period, I'm going to try to keep things calm overall.

My weekend ahead will include some video editing with Michelle, then Becky and I may find something constructive to do. Then it's the usual Jujutsu, and the Dune movie night on Saturday. This is basically going on because a few people wanted to see the original after the success of last weekends Hella-Thon. Mo will be paying me a visit from the far northern land of B'Gosh, which I've been heavily looking forward to for the past week. Sunday I can only assume will be the usual lazy day, with a visit to the parents thrown in.

I have a lot of work to do in regards to the upcoming move. It's a month and a half away, and xmas is in between. Not to mention my problem with pack-rat habits. I need to simplify before I take this on, as I'm looking on it as my chance to make some major changes. I'll need a clean slate so to speak.

05-DEC-2004

As of today, EriqX[.com] has been online under one domain or another for 2 full years. I'm happy to be part of an ongoing project, especially one with little to no direction. It always keeps me interested to dump more oddities here, hopefully many visitors feel the same. This year in particular saw many changes and many more additions than I was able to add in 2003. In very recent days I have had less and less time to work here, but hopefully that will change as I work on making other changes in my life.

From 3:00 yesterday afternoon until 3:00 this morning, 10 people including myself converged to watch both Dune miniseries back to back. My thanks to everyone who came, everyone who brought snacks and treats, and Eric for generously hosting at his apartment. It was a great time and I can only hope for equally good turnouts and enthusiasm for future events.

This afternoon, despite countless reasons to be very happy about many things, I crashed into a wall of depression. No explanation. So I therefore blame the drugs, as I was told this was a possibility. I have yet to muster the needed energy to do anything other than eat and return to laying down. Of course I'm writing this now, so things must be looking up. And like I said, I have nothing to be down about at all. I'm just being taken for a ride. I have some xmas errands to run today, and I'm expected to play volleyball. So I intend to, but I know it's going to take everything out of me. Not to mention tomorrow is day one of the new job. I'll feel better if I snap out of this and get some good rest before starting my week. Things are changing fast in my life right now. Maybe I'm just struggling to keep up.

02-DEC-2004

Yesterday wasn't so bad. I had an early drug-screen for the new job. After which I met up with Mike, Matt, and Barry for lunch. It's always good to see people I don't see much of, and this mostly pertains to Barry in this case. In any case, I'll be seeing more shortly.

Once I got back into Milwaukee, Laurel waved me down as I drove past her. I haven't seen her in ages as well. We had a happy huggy moment and she told me how wonderful her life is becoming. I told her the same about mine. She was late so we parted ways, promising as usual to get coffee sometime.

I spent the rest of the afternoon getting things around the house accomplished. Before Jujutsu, I made a trip to the bike shop to try and reunite with Rachel. I was in a "people I haven't seen in awhile" mood. And, I wanted to let her know that the Dune Hella-Thon is this Saturday. Between myself and herself, we could recite the entire 10 hours. So it would basically be completely wrong to neglect telling her about it. As it turns out, she is having her first portfolio show in a few weeks. I'm overly excited and ask that anyone reading this and interested in photography please attend. The details are on the Events page. And since I'm on the event kick, Dune people! This weekend, open invite!

The coffee that followed Jujutsu was productive. MEM named its new service, which had proven to be one of the more difficult hurdles. We are nearing completion and expect to be up and running in no time.

I feel like Homer Simpson when he skipped church and all those great things happened to him. That's pretty much how my days are going now...

01-DEC-2004

Yesterday I quit my job on an empty stomach. Don't do that! It only serves to remind you that when the deed is over and done, you're still damn hungry. Despite early ideas to keep me on for the rest of the week, in order to wrap things up nicely, yesterday did indeed become my final day. Overall the process went smoothly, and as of this entry another job in my professional life is behind me.

This coming Monday I'll be starting in a new position as a CSR for a large phone company. I'm looking forward to stepping out of my sales position, as well as the almost countless benefits that have been offered as a result of the new position.

This change, as noted in previous entries, is only the first of many steps I'm taking to alter certain things in my life. With the upcoming loan, the upcoming move, the current drugs, Japan next year, throw in the new job and an amazing girl - I may start to think my life is perfect.

Before anything goes to my head, I'll remind myself to relax a bit, and try to keep focused on what I need to get done. I still have a lot of work ahead of me, but I'm looking forward to all the changes I've made.

With the sudden realization of extra time off, I have some short-term goals for myself. Tonight will play out as usual, Jujutsu and then coffee. Tomorrow I'm going to work on some literature for Project DangerZoom. Actually, no. But I will be working on my, Mike and Matt's current project. Tomorrow evening I'm going up to Oshkosh to visit Mo. Friday I am back to DangerZooming, and Saturday is the Dune Hella-Thon (see Events page). Which I am very much looking forward to. It's been over a year and I'm an uber Dune fan.

26-NOV-2004

Happy Thanksgiving my friends and readers. Paul and Meg each called me today to spread the holiday cheer. I spent the dinner hour with the family, and Ian and I went out to see The Incredibles after. Which was awesome by the way.

This means two-thirds of the year-end countdown holidays are no behind us. Halloween, Thanksgiving and xmas all seem to exist so that we can anticipate them and then realize that 3 months have washed away the year. As this year comes to a close, I realize I still have much to fix, and that as with each of the past few years I have strived to succeed in certain things and failed. Sometimes the blame rests on my own procrastination. Sometimes it is The Man who keeps me down. Regardless, I am facing that same feeling once again. Although I feel I've recently made decisions that are drastic enough to make some of these changes possible, I once again expect to approach the end of the year with a feeling of disappointment. But I'm not. For whatever reason, I've been optimistic lately about pretty much everything. Because of this I will be entering next year in higher hopes than I have in the past. Maybe that was my problem, I don't know. Maybe I should just be happy with what is, cause it could always be worse.

21-NOV-2004

As of two days ago I have officially achieved and surpassed my first weight goal. I am 174lbs currently, down from 190lbs 4 months ago when I decided to take this on. I feel good, and I intend to make it an even 170 by the end of the year. From there I will try to maintain and tone. I'll be extra careful, as the holidays are fast approaching.

There may be a light at the end of the debt tunnel, but it's a long tunnel. My parents are working harder than they should for me, to come up with suggestions, offers, loans, and other forms of help. I've already mentioned some of the options in previous entries here. Right now a combination of plans are being formed and discussed. And as much as it pains me to confess the immense volume in dollars of my past idiocy, I feel better taking steps to repair the damage that was done.

That progress being made in my debt situation, along with progress on the job hunt, the recent addition of someone special to my slightly chaotic life, and the hard-core meds that are going to help vaporize a major source of depression for me, are all in play right now. At this second. Somehow, all of these things came along at the exact same time. How these things manage to work is a mystery to me, but it's better to have an assload of good things going on at once than an assload of bad things going on at once. I'll focus on not fucking up any of them, and if I can get through all the excitement, I'll have a considerably better life when they've run their course than I do now stressing in limbo.

20-NOV-2004

It's Friday. I have had a more productive day than I may have thought possible. I've got food! I made progress in the ongoing income search. And I am now on the previously mentioned hard core meds as of several hours ago. Between those things, several miscellaneous errands, ice cream sundaes with Jenny, and a trip to Hi-Hat to say hey to Becky, I'm done for the evening.

Tomorrow is Garden State, Twin Peaks, general nerdiness and whatever else comes along with Mo. I'll be using the time in general as a so-called escape period. Between the job hunt, the upcoming move out of the MICE Haus, the new drugs, my decision to either sell my car, move in with my parents, or both - I feel the need for a little break from it all. Life will resume its usual stress on Sunday I'm sure. So I'll make the most of Saturday while I can.

16-NOV-2004

Tuesday is finishing itself off quickly. It's barely past nine and I am ready to sleep. Tomorrow feels like it's going to be a big day. The workout begins it all in the morning. I have two meetings at work, one of which is my yearly review. Jujutsu after work, and coffee after Jujutsu. All together an 18 hour day non-stop. A good slice of my life to serve as an example of my insanity.

Last weekend I spent 12 hours watching a movie, a play, souping at Judy's, looking at pictures and being a nerd with Mo. The play we went to was The Crucible at Greendale High School. Hannah was assistant stage director, or something that sounded like that. I had never seen a version of it nor read the story before and I rather liked it. I think Mo and I both agreed that stories about how stupid people used to be are entertaining in their own special way. Not that people aren't stupid today, but regardless.

The day after that it was back to business. I brainstormed with my parents on my current situation. They have a few ideas for aggressively attacking my debt. The most extreme of these is for me to move in with them until things are better under control. It's the last thing I want to do. And also the smartest thing I could do. My lease is up with the rest of the MICE at the end of January. So I have time to think about it. At this point I'd prefer a nice cheap east side dive with Ian. We will see how things work out I guess.

Matt, Mike and myself are at work again on a new project. I'll bet the avid reader of this blog is tired of hearing that one. As usual our as yet unnamed project is an experiment in web presence, computer know-how, and ease of execution. Details to come.

12-NOV-2004

So, the day after I paid my citation - as noted in the previous entry, Sarita decided to let me know that her lawyer father was anxious to provide me with some sort of representation, and possibly get the charges completely dropped if not reduced. It's possible that I don't have to even be at the court date. It's also possible to remedy this even though I already paid. It's amazing. And I am touched and impressed by the overall generosity of this act. I'm also happy to find that most people who are still hearing about what I did find it amusing. Since I've paid already, and basically put it past me I'll be happy to accept whatever outcome is possibly yet to come. My most sincere thanks to my beautiful friend Sarita, currently living it up in Florida. And her father, currently fighting for justice in Milwaukee. The world can still be a good place with people like yourselves in it.

As of this morning my lab work from last weeks doctor visit has been completed. I have been approved for some hard core meds that will hopefully clear up one of the two official things that I hate about myself. After next week, and for the following six months I will be required to avoid sunlight at all costs, and my ability to process alcohol will be reduced significantly. Thus I will not be drinking during that time. In addition to that, I will be more prone to depression. I hope that the things I'm putting myself through are worth my while.

Today is the beginning of my Friday. Which as you may know already means the start of my 3-day weekend. The agenda for today originally included a trip to the bank to clear up yet another money problem, but I checked online this morning and it seems to have gone and cleared itself up. So I'll just sit here and play dumb, and I expect it will just stay away. The search for additional employment goes on, and so far eBay has helped offset the costs of life in general. It's sometimes a good thing that I live in this day and age. I'd like to pretend that it will all work out soon. But I know there is still much work to be done, people to pay off, things to fix and work to do. I still remain in the part where there is in fact so much to do that it feels extremely overwhelming. The one thing at a time mentality is present, but difficult to tackle. Hopelessness in general is a powerful foe.

I plan on seeing Mo tomorrow. We are going to see The Crucible at Greendale High School, and I guess probably just figure it out from there. I'd like to get some geek time in, as her new found passion or web design has pushed me into some kind of web giddy overdrive that I haven't felt since I initially got to work on this site almost two years ago. It's an exciting thing for some, and to find even more somes that share it is wonderful. I sadly forgot about the Thanksgiving Pot Luck, and I no longer know if I'll have time for it. But I will try to stop by if I can on the way to the play. Otherwise I'm up in the air for awhile. Typical weekends are always a possibility, but I usually don't have them. Not that I'm complaining.

Recently I noticed that the size of this website is bigger than my first computer's entire hard drive was. It's amazing how fast things are moving, both for this site and technology in general. I've also noticed that the volume of updates this year has long ago surpassed 2003, and 2004 still has a month and a half remaining. I hope that the updates are useful and that things are not getting stale around here. I believe the site has different goals today than it did when it launched. Many of the recent poll votes have been from all over, California, Indiana, Illinois, Kansas and so on. While I feel that most of this site is still geared toward people that acutally know me, and is essentially Milwaukee-centric, I'm glad to see it's made its way to other parts of the world. My time has been limited lately, and I have a growing backlog of potential updates. So I guess what I'm trying to say is thank you to everyone who visits. I'll keep working if you keep coming.

09-NOV-2004

Today was my "trial by phone". I called the Milwaukee circuit court and pleaded no contest to my disorderly conduct citation, and then paid off the hefty fine. I'm glad that it's one less thing I have looming in the background of my messed up life. I'm also pleased that our judicial system is equipped to handle these matters via telephone. What a country. It's too bad 52% of it doesn't know how to vote. That thought aside, it sucks in a way that my little escapade is over. I did try with no success to follow-up by getting my hands on the video from that amusing day. But to no avail. Sometimes all we get are memories.

I'm in the process of facing both the reality that my current situation is severely deteriorating, and the fantasies I've created for myself for the coming years. Namely a trip to Japan, a trip to China, and a motorcycle somewhere in between. To offset the insanity of making those fantasies into realities, I've read and re-read my Thought from April entitled "The Man", and come to the conclusion that everything I own is holding me down. I feel like I'm under a mountain that I have to dig my way out of. It's so overwhelming that I don't know where to start. The longer I stay here the easier it will be for him to keep me down, so whatever options I choose I had better commit to them fast. I'm quickly becoming more and more attracted to potential acts of desparation. For some reason they give me hope. It's hard to think of anything else that does right now.

In the reality I maintain currently, that is to say the one that occupies me while I am not disintegrating into worry over my various life disasters, I have been keeping mostly good spirits. How that is possible I can only speculate. But regardless, I'm grilling out, watching anime, going to cheap movies, going to free plays, and overall finding things to occupy myself with that are little to no cost, and are enjoyable. I am even getting good fortunes from cookies.

This coming weekend I'm planning a little mini-horror-thon with Mo, which will include The Crucible and The Exorsist, and may be concluded at some future date with El Espinazo del diablo - which is probably the only good movie by director Guillermo del Toro. After all that, I'll be coordinating the Dune Miniseries Hella-thon with Eric. That will be a 10-plus hour ordeal, so stay tuned to the Events page if you are a true Herbert fan, or a dedicated sci-fi geek. Either way it's not to be missed.

As for this exact second, I am going to resume the neverending income search online, and eventually retire with Cheryl to watch some Cowboy Bebop. That would conclude the day nicely. See you space cowboy...

02-NOV-2004

So I voted, and then noticed that the lovely Bonnie Burton was asking for pics / scans of "I Voted" stickers. I used it as an excuse to finally contact one of my "web heroes", and I sent mine in. At this moment only a quarter of Wisconsin precincts have been counted, and Milwaukee votes are not yet in, which will be a huge number. I am less than willing to stay up and obsess all night, especially when the last election took 5 weeks to determine an outcome. I'll be finding out tomorrow morning what happened tonight.

Outside of the political adventure, my life has mostly returned to normal after a solid weekend of Halloween parties. Last night's codine adventure yielded mostly positive results. I went to sleep comfortably as my back pain slowly gave way to light headed, heavily medicated delusions. I woke in a slight haze that lasted until early afternoon, but all discomfort from yesterday's scare had subsided. Tomorrow morning I'll subject myself to the closed-captioned news while I run on the treadmill and start the longest day of my week, Wednesday. From the early a.m. workout, work itself, Jujutsu and late night coffee, I'll be busy tomorrow. After all that, I'll be back to the supplemental income search, as my lack of Friday pay has already devastated my ability to live. Unemployment has already generously provided a mere fraction of that back to me. I may as well go back to eating rice and crackers.

The Saab has returned to me in one beautiful working piece. Its fate now will be determined by the results of various loan applications and potential "winter beater" cars that I am considering. As much as I will hate to sell it, my current financial fiasco demands drastic measures. Unless every single person who reads this website suddenly decides to PayPal me $5 each, my options are quickly running out.

My year-end goals are each having their own ups and downs. The only one with tangible results is the 175lb weight goal, which I modeled after Matt's identical goal - but with different reasons in mind. This morning I weighed in at 178. This is a 12lb loss from where I started a few months ago. I'm 3lbs from goal with 2 months to do it. Because of this, I may re-adjust my target to 170lbs. In relation to my other goals, I have to keep working. There is really no progress meter by which I can judge my battles. I either win, or lose. I have the rest of this year to figure something out. The rest of my life will depend on it.

01-NOV-2004

Many things to report. Starting off with a few days ago, the obvious. The MICE Haus Slutty Halloween Party was an immense success, with over 100 people in attendance. Words won't do the sexy costumes and amazing people any justice, so I'll not ramble on here too much about good times, good people, good conversations and friendly cops. Suffice to say it was an event to remember. And I am forever grateful to everyone who attended and brought new people for me to meet. Thank you 100 times everyone! Pictures have been posted so check out the pictures section for graphic details.

The following night was Matty'J's annual Halloween Party. I showed up with Jenny and asked Mo to come as well. We got some quality Super Nintendo time in as well as some pool. Toward the end of the night we got into some house gymnastics and tired ourselves out. Matt's pool room was finished quickly but looks amazing. It's too bad he won't be in that house too much longer.

As for right now, I regret to report a couple of things. The first is that I am in a lot of pain. Midway through the day I was hit with a tingly feeling throughout my body, along with an intense exhaustion. I'm suddenly weak and have zero energy. The last time I felt this I was at Carrie, Angela and Meg's Thanksgiving pot-luck, almost exactly this time last year. It's amazing that I even got myself there. I was so fucked up I couldn't walk without holding the wall. Now here I am getting started on whatever the hell this is again. To top it off, my lower back decided it hated me too. And has thus decided to give out, putting even more intense pain on me. 10 minutes ago I took one of the remaining codines from my tooth surgery earlier this year, which I was extrememly reluctant to do. But the night is young, and if I fall asleep after I finish writing this I'll have a potential 10 hours of sleep ahead of me. I won't fall asleep in pain, and it really fucking hurts if I didn't already express that. So first codine, then Melotonex for my usual bout with insomnia. I remember when I was terrified of medication...

27-OCT-2004

Indiana, again. My travels seem to lead me here more often than anywhere else. Indianapolis to be specific this time. I'm even in the same hotel, and attending the same training tomorrow morning as I did last time I was here. Most of today was spent in the car, a rented Scion xA. The Saab finally said no more to my abuse. It's in the shop for a replacement head gasket, and I have yet to hear of its fate. I'll worry about it when I get home I guess. Between that, having my income raped, and throwing a party this Friday, I'm feeling a bit stretched. Nothing new there though. I'll look forward to the party regardless of how much further I get to go into debt for the car is. It will be a good time to lose myself for a few hours.

So for now I guess, fuck it. The Scion is a fun little car to buzz around in. And Indy has offered my some more footage for the ongoing Electricity project. I was hunting for some still-photo opps as I tend to do when I'm away, but nothing has caught my eye yet. Tomorrow is the training, and then I face the return drive. I feel lately as though I'm so stressed, tired, and worried that my health is failing me. Adding a rather exhausting drive to that is always fun, but I've always managed long hauls rather well. So I'm envisioning my safe return to a relaxing weekend of partying.

The rest of my so-far short stay in Indy is mostly surfing the net. I stumbled onto an excellent collection of videos that illustrate with some degree of humor exactly what a fucktard Bush is. The rest of my surfing is not so amusing. I read a lot about Jessica Cawvey, the 21 year-old mother who died in Iraq this month. I'm not sure if I was better off ignoring the news or obsessing over it.

Tonight I'll try really hard to do some reading, and some writing. Millions of ideas need to get out of my head and into my notebook. But as of this writing, I am very tired. And I know that my body requires rest, and doesn't want me to let a perfectly good hotel matress go to waste. I can always sleep in hotels for some reason. Much better than home. No reason to waste the opportunity.

21-OCT-2004

Today I gave up on a lot of things. Japan is not an option anymore. I won't waste space explaining how badly I needed to go. I won't ramble endlessly about how my short life may only see a few rare opportunities for me to go ahead and do something amazing and beautiful that actually means something to me. I won't bother the reader with details.

The downpayment was due today. I had it in my hand, and I decided not to turn it in. If I did, there may have been a chance I wouldn't be able to come up with the rest of it by the time it was due. Of course, it's always possible that I would have. But it's not worth the risk right now. I'd be in a lot more trouble if I couldn't. If I fix everything in due time, I'll regret not risking it. I'll probably regret a lot of things after today.

The catalyst for all of this was work related of course. I'm on a 32 hour week schedule effective immediately. As a result 20% of my income, which already does not cover even the most basic expenses like food and gas, has vaporized.

I'll be attending the Milwaukee Tai Kai this weekend, as our Grandmaster from Japan will be present to share his wisdom. After that, I have no choice but to allow my membership to expire. Leaving my life with one less thing of purpose or meaning. I'll probably sell my Bally's membership as soon as I can, simply for some extra cash.

To excite the situation even further, my car is dead. The head gasket is leaking badly, and I'm buying a gallon of coolant each day. I can barely get to work before the reservoir is dry. The money involved in repairing this catastrophe was going to be a problem before my income was slashed. Now it is a near impossibility.

Tonight I'll look forward to my usual nightmares. Anything is better than facing tomorrow.

17-OCT-2004

It's been a great weekend so far. Last night some of Ian's artwork made its debut at Art Bar in Riverwest. Our parents came down to hang with us and check out the gallery. We were later joined by Lillian, Rob, Laura, Cheryl, Chad, Michelle, Chris, Laurel, and so on. The parents headed home and us kids stuck around long enough for Axis of Eve to perform, for which I was summoned to photograph. There is a chance my photos will end up published in the December issue of Boxx. I'm particularly happy with 3 of the shots and I would be very happy to see photos of mine published by someone other than myself.

In addition to that bit of excitement, the bartender at Art Bar was Sarah, who previously worked at Judy's downtown before it closed. I previously mentioned in this very journal that she makes the greatest long island iced teas known to man. I was sure to have mom try one, and now that I know where Sarah is mixing these days I'll be sure to stop in more often myself.

After the gallery Ian, Lillian, Rob, Michelle, Laura and myself hit the porn store for some prize shopping. The Slutty Halloween Party is only 12 days away. As of now we've got prizes secured thanks to the porn store, decorations made, a playlist in place. All we need now is a little cleaning and a bit more booze to ensure a healthy start to a wonderfully sexy evening. Tomorrow I'll be creating some additional advertisements, specifically involving the prizes for the costume contest. All of which will be detailed on this site in short time.

Beyond all the excitement last night, today was calm in comparison. I went to Jujutsu and made up all my classes. In other words I was training for 4 straight hours. I've got my exercise in for the day, which is useful because I'm keeping an eye on my year-end goal to weigh 175lbs. I started at 190 and as of this morning I am 182. So whatever I'm doing is working, but I need to stay on task.

Something that didn't happen today was the North Ave. Video project. The weather was inconsistently rainy and then sunny. I do not want to allow this to derail the project, as I have a history of putting things off when fate steps in. But with Mike and Brittain both wanting to see this through as well, I expect we will finally have a completed project under our belts in due time. Just wait for that sun to come out.

13-OCT-2004

Yesterday at lunch I wandered into the woods behind my office. In the midst of it all I came upon an abandoned structure, which I have named the "Oil House" for lack of my knowledge of its real name or purpose. It had a gear lube machine in one of the sections, so that's where I got the name. It's interesting because it's literally in the middle of the woods, with no easy access for people or vehicles. I really don't know what to assume it was ever meant for. In any case I returned today at lunch and made an official photo shoot out of it. It was beautiful and secret, and pretty much the only little thing I'm enjoying about life right now.

Tonight I wasn't feeling all that well. I didn't make it to Jujutsu, leaving me with a total of two make-ups to handle. I'm not feeling healthy overall, and it's a depressing feeling. I rested, ate, and came up with some video project ideas with Mike and Brittain. Some outlines were made, and hopefully there will be a live-action version of Matt Johnson's North Ave. Project in the works shortly. Another idea I had was the standard light saber battle. This has it's dorky appeal, but I'm ok with a quick and easy action short. Especially since I'm anxious to film something at the Oil House.

My car is in peril, and I have little time or money to worry about it. It's unfortunate that things aren't easier right now. I'm keeping sane with the projects I've just mentioned, but it's the only thing keeping me sane right now. I can't sleep, I can't afford to eat. And I can't escape a mountain of bills. All in all, I've never been in worse shape in my life. So wish me luck in those creative projects, I need a really really big distraction from the rest of the world.

08-OCT-2004

A few minutes ago I got confirmation from Matty-J on something he has been kicking around for a few days. Whether or not to accept a promotion at work that will move him out of state. He has accepted, and is going. While there were many many factors that pulled on this decision, I would imagine the major players were the fact that he would be moving to both a nicer neighborhood and a more challenging job position, and the fact that he would be moving away from his friends and an area he is familiar with. It would be a difficult decision for me to make if faced with it as well. In any case, I won't dwell on the fact that I will miss my friend. Instead I'll remember that we are living in the information/communication hyper-age, and will still be accessable to each other via multitudes of options. Also, his new locale is Bensonville, Illinois. Not a bad drive for a weekend trip.

So that all said, best of luck Matt. Be sure to keep up with pictures and stories on XeoMage so that we'll all be up to date. Enjoy your new position and your steady elevation along the ladder. May it bring you only good things.

05-OCT-2004

Today was my first day back to work, as I took off Monday to create my own little 3-day weekend. I spent the extra time pretty much keeping to myself and getting some of the crap I needed to out of the way. That probably didn't include too much of value. But that's the way my life is going these days.

I did get out on Saturday. First with Top Gun to see "A Dirty Shame", and immediately afterward to Jenny's 30th birthday party. Too my surprise, and hers, I ran into James from my Toyota days. As it turns out, she knew someone who knew Jenny and that was that. It was randomly cool to say the least.

The current state of my mind is pretty much revolving around the upcoming Halloween party. The MICE have slowly accumulated alcohol and snacks over the last month and will continue to do so for the rest of this one. It was the only way to do it, considering the poverty we are all currently in. I expect a great party, and since it's likely to be the last one in this house, I want it to be the best one yet.

26-SEP-2004

The big news today is that I was cited and fined for disorderly conduct while making a protest against a protest. While making the closing stretch of the AIDS Walk, the annual protestors did their best to spread their bigoted ignorance to the walkers and volunteers. I thought it would be amusing to spread some love by slow-motion running through their "Homosexuality is Sin" Banner. I crossed the street with "Chariots of Fire" playing in my head and heart, whilst making the exaggerated slow-motion running motions while hundreds of walkers looked on. I raised my arms in the typical marathon-victory pose as I crashed through the banner. The cheers and general excitement that erupted from the crowd was tremendous. I started walking back but the anti's were a little upset to say the least. One tried to ram me or knock me over or something, which I resisted. Another asked me "what my problem is" while videotaping me. I flipped off his camera and politely let him know I wasn't the one with the problem. I walked back across the street without incident, and proceeded to receive applause and high-fives from many supporters. A TV camera was in my face that I smiled and waved to. I re-joined Jenny and Maria who were walking with me but next I knew a hand was on my arm and I was being escorted to the back of a patty wagon. The rest of this story isn't so exciting. I spent about 35 or 40 minutes sitting in there while I text-messaged friends and sent a picture of me in the wagon to my Moblog. About half way through my stay the cop came and got my license and took my statement. He asked why I ran through the banner like that, to which I replied "I thought it was the finish line." He didn't seem to impressed with that, but it generated a laugh with one of the assisting officers.

In any case, I had a great walk all things considered. And Milwaukee raised over $400,000 this year for a good cause. I've got a fine to pay now of course, which is not exactly a good point. But I had my fun and intend to behave better next year. I'll be watching the news tonight to see if I make any segments. After I got out of the wagon, a few more congratulations came, one of which was from the organizer of the Walk.

Charitable disorderly conduct aside, yesterday was Mary and Sean's wedding. I had a good time wishing them well as they tied the mother of all knots. The reception was social and I ran into a number of former high schoolers I once knew. Other than that, I stopped by Scott and Perry's end-of-the-month Landmark on the Lake party to wrap up the night.

At this point I'm off to volleyball again. I've got a few updates sitting around that include some awesome artsy pictures of Jessica, and a couple more oddball found items for the Elements section. I'll be working on those when I can, along with a quick video project that Mike and I are committing ourselves to. Both of us would really really like to get off the procrastination wagon and produce something... anything! So stay tuned.

20-SEP-2004

Somehow post-5am after the previous entry was more exciting than the events before it. Without naming names, people gathered on the porch and suddenly it was time to get everyone half-naked and do some body shots. In my drunken tiredness I obviously agreed, and it was later discovered that the dining room table is good and sturdy. I woke up with a semi-hangover (don't usually get those) and wrapped up the weekend with some groggy volleyball.

I may have forgotten to mention that at some point in the past week I went out to see Sky Captian and the World of Tomorrow, which was good. Matty-J came over early to get the PHP on, but we never quite got to it. Megan was over as well hanging out with the lovely Olivia and having some dinner last minute MICE-Haus style. Brittain came around last-second and the 3 of us met Scott, Brian, and Morgan for the flick.

Beyond those random social and sexual excursions, I spent a moment at Mayfair today trying to raise some money for the AIDS Walk. I was booted by security, which was kinda sucky but no real big deal. The setup was that this ice cream place was going to donate a percentage of all sales to the AIDS Walk, so myself, Jenny, Eric, and Jenny's mom were passing out little flyers to make people buy ice cream. I guess you can't do that unless you are directly in front of the ice cream place. Oh well, rented, gun-less "security" stands in the way of a good cause. Jenny's mom and I left early, as having all 4 of us in front of the ice cream place was overkill. So hopefully some ice cream was had and some cash was raised.

19-SEP-2004

The weekends seem to serve as decompression time and little more. I end up killing off a Saturday with little to show for it, all the while wondering what's wrong with me. Probably nothing. I'm probably just backlashing from not being able to breathe all week. I have a routine of bitching about my packed schedule on occasion. I'd prefer to put that to an end at some point, pending I either have no more reasons for bitching or I get tired of listening to myself. Either way it's my own fault, and if I knew the way out I'd take it. Before that, I'll keep up with the jamming passing moments of sanity into my weekends.

This week, now that I look back on it was good from a social standpoint. It just sucked beyond repair from a sleeping standpoint. Monday was some sort of depressing slow-motion session. I tried to sleep after it was all over but I ended up twitching and seeing weird little monsters with big teeth trying to eat me. At the same time it felt like my head was being electrocuted. Tuesday was much better. The 75th TNM was a hit, lots of people made it over early to get the double feature rolling. Wednesday I went to Chicago with Ian, Rob, and Laura to see Scissor Sisters at the Metro. I had a damn good time, but it was the third night of no sleep and by the time I woke up Thursday I was ready to die. Or something. The rest is a blur, but when I got home Friday it seemed to evaporate as I collapsed for a few hours of rest before waking to exhaust myself again.

I'm half way through the weekend now, today I learned all new tolerances for pain in Jujutsu. Mostly involving legs and fingers. It's 5am as of this writing, and I'm not sure how that will affect my tomorrow. But as usual, I'll let you know.

12-SEP-2004

I have officially earned my Green Belt in Jujutsu. It's an excellent feeling both for the sense of accomplishment and the fact that I am ready to begin learning new techniques in class. This overall makes my week pretty good.

Everything else is pretty much routine. I have had a productive and relaxing weekend. My room is actually clean, in accordance with my clutter initiative. Still some work to do, but this is the best it has ever been. And I'm working on eliminating more useless possessions. I have a new Windows laptop, which now rests beside my Mac PowerBook. I have little interest in the Windows world, in fact I pretty much despise it. But it was a free laptop, and I see no harm in learning a bit about the dark side of computing. It will also serve as a loaner laptop for any house guests, now that the wireless network is up - thanks to Matt for donating his previous WAP.

This morning was breakfast with the family. Then a detour to take care of more home stuff before heading back down there for volleyball. I also took Hannah driving today, just for a quick trip around Greendale. So far so good.

At this point in time, I have developed a bad habit of starting major upgrades to this site, and not finishing them. As a result I have several additions that are all half done. It's mostly a matter of time, but I lack the focus to just get one out of the way first. I have a busy week as usual coming up, and TNM-075 is going to involve some planning as well. Hopefully soon I'll sit down and get crackin on some things soon.

08-SEP-2004

Today I am once again unhappy with the world of dentistry. I had a basic appointment that turned into another 3 things that are wrong with me, all of which are the results of previous dental work apparently gone awry. So just as I did 6 months ago, I can now look forward to extra work that needs to be done in the coming weeks. To top it all off, I got home and checked the mail only to find the final bill from my previous wisdom teeth nightmare. Let's just say I don't have anywhere near enough money to pretend I appreciate the tiny contribution that my health insurance paid. As with the rest of my financial woes, I will simply struggle to eat while I hope to find a bag of money sometime soon. Wish me luck on that.

On the lighter side of my world, I returned safely with Matt from Gary, Indiana unscathed by criminal intent, hoodlums, muggings or other such excitement. I did however, add an impressive array of photographs to my library. The rustic and highly depressed settings made for several beautiful hours worth of shots. My appetite for wasteland photos is satisfied for the time being. But I do intend to go on more outings, as it functions as a cheap vacation for me and I get to create some twisted art out of it all.

I'm leaving for Jenny's shortly. She is going to share some high points of her Route 66 motorcycle road trip with me, and I'm going to relax a bit before I go to Jujutsu. I am more than likely being tested today for green belt. While I know my level, I tend to get apprehensive about things like this. So wish me luck on that too.

04-SEP-2004

So far Labor Day weekend has been both fun and productive. Friday night I went to Megan's party (Capoeira Megan). Where I met Mo, Becky, Adam, and an assortment of others who all qualify as supercool. That stretched the evening to 4am. When I finally retired, I got to bike home in the most beautiful fog that Milwaukee has had in a long time. This mostly made up for the rest of Friday. I spent the day waiting for something that never happened.

Saturday I woke after no sleep, and got straight to the rummage sale. I sold an assload of DVDs, and got rid of some other junk too. I left an hour early so I could make it to Jujutsu. When I got back Brittain and Cheryl were on the porch waiting. We grilled out, and Ian, Matty-J, Sarah, Brian, Scott, Angelina, Top Gun, Margie, Becky, and a few others joined us for the tasty goodness. I had a blast, but tired out quickly for obvious lack of sleep. The group headed out to various bars and clubs, and I opted for sleep, but not before Top Gun and I got some quality spoon time in.

It's Sunday now, and I still have plenty of this weekend to look forward to. I'm writing this from my porch on the laptop. It's rummage day two, and just like yesterday, a lot of friends have stopped by to hang out and make the day more social. I'm playing volleyball tonight with yet another group of people who appreciate the sport. Tomorrow I'm heading to Gary, Indiana with Matty-J. I intend to catalog the various industrial horrors with my various cameras. Obviously the results will be posted on this site. I intend to start an off-shoot of the Photography section for specific shoots like this one. Maybe this will be the time to do it.

29-AUG-2004

I took off this past Friday to get a long-needed break. I spent the day relaxing mostly, thou I did fit in a few needed chores. I got alot of stuff ready for the MICE Haus rummage sale which is next weekend. Hopefully that will generate a little extra cash, and eliminate some useless clutter I have floating around here. Just two of the many little things I need to address before it's too late. I wanted to get my oil change done, but no matter how hard I tried - and swore, I couldn't get my drain plug loose. Once again an attempt at saving money has failed and I will now go through the normal channels and pay for someone else to do it, something I couldn't afford to do even if I found a bag of money tomorrow. But, as I'm growing used to saying, fuck it. When things start looking up, if they ever do, I'll be glad I was able to say fuck it. I paid a visit to Lexus and said hello to a handfull of old friends, before getting together with Scott to play around on the computer for awhile. We went out to Vox and Mad Planet before coming back home, where I joined up with Ian and Lillian for a trip to Omega, and then the porn store. By that time it was 4am, so I called it quits and crashed. All in all an off-day well spent.

Saturday of course was Scott and Perry's Landmark on the Lake party. I enjoyed copious amounts of alcohol, and mingled with the good people for many many hours. Another 5am morning for me.

Sunday the family celebrated Ian's birthday with much tasty food and sugary goodness. Now I face the week again, with another 3-day weekend at the end of it. Hopefully once again the time will be well spent. My plans to get back on track by year's end will take all the time and effort I can muster.

23-AUG-2004

This weekend was heavily packed. Friday was a bit of a drag. I felt so beat from my travels and I'm sure it showed. Friday after work I showed up at Brittain's to kick off a cook-out. I'm trying to max-out on cookouts and various other summer-specific activities while the summer is still around. Vegas obviously gave me a taste of real weather, and now that I'm back in midwestern hell I may as well make the most of it.

Saturday I played ultimate frisbee and scatterball with a handful of people. Hannah and Ian organized the little get together. I left the games a bit early so I could catch up on Jujutsu, I took 3 classes in a row. Needless to say I was a bit worn down at the end of that. I biked home and cleaned up in time to leave for Joanna's surprise birthday party, which was orchestrated by Becky. Ian came along and while there we met a few new faces that fall into the awesome catagory. Including Emily, who can match my ability to converse using movie quotes. I had an impressive tarot reading from Annie, and tastey boca burgers to boot. Thanks to B for a great time!

After that I made my appearance at Sean's bachelor party. I got there late enough that everyone in my group was pretty much already toasted. I had a good time wrapping up the night in an amusingly rowdy manner.

Sunday was volleyball as usual. I watched Amelie with my mother afterward, and drove home. It's early Monday now, I'm not ready to sleep quite yet. I think I'm going to read, or clean. Or something that has to get done but isn't so fun. Maybe I'll just think for a while. I have a lot of that to do.

19-AUG-2004

I landed in Milwaukee 3 hours ago. This morning I woke up in Las Vegas after a few hours of sleep. I spent last night walking the strip and ingesting the local flavor. Between 1am and 4am I saw a film crew working on a film. I got asked "what I needed" several times by several different seemingly unsavory types. A scary homeless guy spouting all kinds of colorful things. I got asked if I had $5 dollars by a girl named Morgan, who seemed willing to make it worth my while. All the while I saw the sites and got some footage for my electricity film project. All in all not a bad night at all. It was, in fact the first time I left my hotel in two days. Work was somewhat exhausting, as I was on my feet for 9 hours a day, two days in a row. But as usual, I am a fan of the trade show life. I got to see several friends in the industry and spent some time enjoying the busy surroundings.

While there was internet access at the expo, it was not free from the room. So I did not update the site during my free evenings. I'll take care of some new material tonight and over the next few days though.

Aside from my trip, there obviously isn't much new. I was there from Monday to Thursday, and I'll be heading back into the office tomorrow to resume normally scheduled life in Milwaukee. Hopefully this weekend will be relaxing, I'm looking forward to some down time.

16-AUG-2004

I woke up early today and got a head start on some last minute projects. I finally set up my laptop, which I hadn't been using much recently. Unless there are any surprises, I should be able to update this site from Las Vegas now. Along with the laptop, I'm packing the digital camera of course, and the DVcam. Which is a first. I'm intending to get massive surge of motivation for the long in-the-works electricity project. Obviously Vegas will be able to fuel this fire. So that's pretty much the plan for when I'm not working.

This weekend was packed, and I'm glad I fit in everything I did before taking off. Friday was pretty much all food related. Saturday was pretty much all exercise related. It was biking, Jujutsu, more biking, rollerblading - my first time! And then more biking. Brittain, Cheryl, Morgan, Scott and myself finished off all the working out with a late grill-out. Very tasty. Sunday I packed and played volleyball as usual. Last weekend I kinda sorta ripped my knee apart at v-ball. This week was much more timid, as I'm still in the healing phase.

When I get back I'll be helping plan a MICE Haus rummage sale, which is scheduled for Labor Day weekend. That should help another one of my plans-in-the-works for un-cluttering my life, and hopefully getting a little extra cash out of it. Another one of my life plans my come sooner than later, as my mother has offered her help in making it happen. More on that if it goes through.

It's currently a few hours before I need to wake up and catch that flight. So on that note, goodnight all. I'll update from the hotel if possible.

13-AUG-2004

Here I am, sitting in front of this machine. Thinking about all sorts of meaningless little things. My next tattoo. The fact that I have no money for a tattoo. The slow slow slow progress in implementing this site's in-the-works Media section. The car and it's required maintenence. The fact that I have no money to maintain the car. How comfortable my bed looks right now, and how sad it is that I'm going over two years as an insomniac. Seemingly forever doomed to wonder what it's like to sleep an entire night in that comfortable bed. My thoughts are heavy today. Racing around my head, keeping me twitchy. Sometime soon I'll get a minute of peace, where I find out how to not care about how bad everything has become. When I remember how to see the good things that surround me, if there are any left.

Back in the reality outside of my head and it's troubles, I am nearing the end of another week. I can say with honesty that for the last several months all I can remember are Mondays and Fridays. The weeks click by like minutes, and it makes for a strange schedule. I work and then I play, repeat. Again and again. At this rate, life will certainly be over soon.

In the last few weeks, I have somehow fallen prone to continuous injury. The previously mentioned back pain is only now dulling down, having lasted well over a week after springing out of nowhere. The pain now sharpens when I breathe in, expanding my lungs seems to put stress on my upper back. Last Sunday at volleyball my knee found that one little square of concrete beneath the sand. The skin is currently trying to grow back, and the area in general is quite sensitive. Kneeling requires alot of wincing and fidgeting, which makes several Jujutsu practices difficult. Just this morning I managed to put a bread knife through my thumb, which as of now is nowhere near as bad as I initially thought it was. I will try to maintain a healthy attitude toward all of these physical distractions for now.

Later today, after I lay in bed for a few hours and then "wake up" to face the day, I'll be enjoying a social margarita with some folks from work. The bosses are throwing a quick get together and it seems like a nice way to wrap up a week. This weekend I pack and Monday I'll be in Las Vegas for WEVA. I look forward to seeing some familiar faces there, along with the benefit of tolerable weather. Wisconsin is hovering between 50F and 70F these days, which would have meant the end of summer had we had a fucking summer in the first place. Las Vegas shows 104F expected during the next week. In other words room temperature for cold-blooded creatures such as myself.

07-AUG-2004

My back has been killing me for 4 fucking days now. I didn't actually do anything specific to injure it, I just woke up and it hurt... a lot. I skipped class on Wednesday because of it, I'm going today despitet the fact that it still hurts. I'll just deal with it I guess. I was rolling around and jumping yesterday, and I don't think I did anything to make it any worse, so fuck it I guess. I'll be missing the next two Wednesday classes actually. Next becuase of another LightWave user group meeting, and the following week because of WEVA in Las Vegas.

Last night Scott, Matty-J, Matt B, Megan, her Matt, Jenny, Morgan and myself cooked out at Scott's place. It was a happy little opening to a hopefully good weekend. Today I'm planning on cleaning, selling an iMac and making up some Jujutsu classes.

I'm trying not to focus too much on everything that is dragging right now. It's become so over-bearing lately that it's not worth thinking about. The typical assortment of problems ranging from money to clutter to stress in general are not getting any better. My options for eliminating them each still exist, but as the situations worsen the solutions available only become more desperate. As I had mentioned previously, I do feel as though I am getting ready to try something desperate. The stronghold that life currently has on me will not allow for drastic change. I will need to shatter that stronghold with drastic change in mind. Opening up my options.

02-AUG-2004

Michelle is back from Guatemala. On the night she returned, this past Thursday, I came home from work at 6:00 and promptly collapsed of exhaustion. I hadn't slept more than 3 hours per night for the previous 3 nights. I woke up at 12:30 to the sound of her arriving on the porch. I was very achy and somewhat confused as to what had happened regarding my sleep. I woke up to hug her hello, stayed awake for about an hour and then returned to sleep. I remember laying on my side and drifting into an unknown thought process, saying to myself repeatedly, "I'm going to rip out my teeth, I'm going to rip out my teeth..." And so on. I then jolted into a vision of lights and buzzing sounds that kept me paralyzed with wonder. Was I meditating, dreaming, dying? It was strange and beautiful. I woke up hours later, after a total of 11 hours of sleep. I missed BCBG for the 3rd week, and faced Friday in a state of lingering confusion.

The weekend presented itself as always, and I kept busy for mostly all of it. Friday I saw The Village and talked at Jalisco's with Brittain and Scott until 3:30 in the morning. Saturday was Jujutsu and Korean food with Jill, who has since left for her new home in Spokane. It was a tasty meal and a nice send-off for an old friend. Saturday night Scott threw a great party at his 15th-floor apartment in the Landmark building. Many drinks and conversations were had, as is my way at such events. Sunday I saw The Village again, and again followed it with Jalisco's. This time it was myself, Scott, Eric, Jenny and Kate, whom we met at the previously mentioned party. Another late night which ended with a quick motorcycle ride and a short, sweet slumber.

What's been pulling at my brain through all of this however, is the conversation I previously had with Mike and Matt over coffee. First off, Dog Detail is postponed until next spring. Our lives are each indivdually too busy to squeeze in another project. Everything will find it's place. Beyond that however, is an aggressive desire to use the rest of this year even more effectively than I've used the first half. I have many things I need to change and time is seeminly running out. While there is no specific pressure to get anything done by a certain time, I do feel that I'll only be this young once. And I need to spend it on better things than I am.

26-JUL-2004

Barry jumped ship today. For obvious reasons this was seen several miles ahead. And for the same perhaps even more obvious reasons nothing could be said or discussed until that bomb was dropped. So consider it dropped, exploding away another chapter in the history employment, friends and co-workers. Times like these can elicit one of two reactions. The first is negative, mostly covering the "things won't be the same" ideal. The second is positive, pertaining to the "best of luck" ideal. Best of luck Barry, everything works out for the best.

I am once again left struggling to realize the skills I have to better myself. Subtle hints are being dropped in front of me, but they're hard to take seriously when I'm this distressed. That and they're only subtle to those leaving them. It's obvious to me where this is all headed - another excuse to keep me where I am. It's obviously my decision to play ball or not play ball. I would have been more inclined to play at one point. That was before I understood the hopelessness of conforming to an ever-morphing set of non-rules, each edging you further along like a carrot dangling in front of your nose. Before you realize it, it's all headed nowhere.

Tonight I actually managed to update dp for the first time in several months. Aside from that little nugget, things are pretty much slow news as always. Tomorrow is a great French film for TNM, along with some "free iPod" scheming. Details to follow of course. As for now, I have much rest to catch up on. Tomorrow will be a long night of movie-ing and drinking. And perhaps karaoke (see Events page). That's about all I can mutter for now. Goodnight.

24-JUL-2004

It's the weekend again. Somehow it's always the weekend. Friday night I walked down to Brady Street with Scott and Jenny to check out the new pizza place, Vuccirio. It's quite fancy and quite tastey. I ran into all sorts of familiar faces, including Stephanie whom I haven't seen in nearly a year. Happy hugs and kisses were the result of that meeting. We also ran into Punkass, his girl and her family. An interesting Office-Space-esque idea was sprung from that chance encounter. But I'll elaborate on that more if progress is made. After all that Brady action I met up with Stephanie (different Stephanie) and we biked to Art Bar where Jenny again met us. Ian and Burt randomly showed up as well as a few other familiar faces. Many tastey drinks were consumed and much tipsy biking home was had. A successful Friday for the anti-boredom campaign.

Today is standard. Jujutsu, now sitting in front of the computer. I do however have a few worthwhile projects in front of me though. I'm drafting my next tattoo in photoshop, and I'm assembling some music for Mike's, Matt's, and my untitled video project. So I'm feeling unusually productive. I wanna eat soon, which may involve some last minute social grillin'. We'll see.

21-JUL-2004

Many many subtle and petty things have been keeping me overly busy lately. I have not been able to be attentive to this site, among other things. Luckily, despite this constant business, I am able to say that I have been enjoying myself.

I just got back from Jujutsu. Tonight was unique because Jenny came along to watch Scott and myself as we worked our steadily developing white-belt skills. She will be taking the sample class next week. Something is telling me and her both that she is more of a Ninpo student, but we'll see I guess. In any case, we had a good discussion to follow along with some ice cream at Bella's. I also brain-stormed some of my money battles with her. More on that if I make any major decisions.

Our dead-beat landlord is not only suddenly fixing many if not all of the property violations, pending his court date with us come September, but he has informed us that he is selling the house. Interesting. I saw his property manager around town stopping in a house just as he did ours to tell us. So I am making the assumption that they are selling more than one house. Perhaps the law came down too hard for all the shit everyone's been putting up with. Our lease is of couse unaffected, as it is protected by law until it ends. So I don't think this really matters until then. At least we'll have paint on the walls in a few days.

This past weekend Dawn was in town, and she stayed with us. Michelle's bedroom is still vacant, she'll be back at the end of the month. There was plenty of grillin', drinkin', and general socializing. Hopefully one of these days I'll be able to return the favor and hit Seattle for a visit on her turf.

Until then however, I will maintain in my current state. Broke as fuck. In debt as hell. Earning approximately nothing, and filled with skills and knowledge with no time to waste them creatively. I think I'll donate my health to medical experiments, I hear they pay rather well.

13-JUL-2004

I didn't mention in the previous entry the first thing I really did this past Friday. I am leaving work an hour early on Friday's for summer hours, and this time around I spent it with Jenny and Scott at Jenny's office. The long-awaited collection of old office equipment that had been replaced in January was finally up for grabs. As a result of this, I scored a lime iMac and a PowerBook G3/500. The iMac is for sale, and will appear on eBay this weekend. The PowerBook is currently my new best friend. I need it for nothing more than notes, web updates and random content creation, but I intend to do just that with it. Hopefully it will allow me to be a little more productive with the time I spend away from my computer, and therefore spend less time cooped up inside in front of it. I am actually writing this entry from work on my lunch break. I hope that very near in the future I will hit the coffee shops and continue work on the many many video projects I have half-written. I never feel very creative at home. If I'm lucky, Matt, Mike, and I can at least get one of our projects underway. Of course I'll let you know how that turns out.

12-JUL-2004

This weekend was excellent. Short, but excellent. Friday night Matt, Mike and myself stayed out lock-down style, working on Dog Detail. Much progress was made and we will need to get together again soon to finish up some things. This particular meeting went to 4am, which unfortunately resulted in my sleeping to 3:30 on Saturday. I missed Jujutsu but came to a later class. I still have make-ups to do so I'm no further ahead than I was before. That morning on the way home I almost hit a deer, then watched another driver almost hit that same deer despite my best efforts to alert him to it's presence. No one was harmed in the end, including the deer. So all is well.

Saturday, aside from sleeping and Jujutsu, I met up with a few familiar faces at Jill's going away party. Jill, as I have mentioned in past entries, is leaving Milwaukee for Seattle very soon. I don't have to mention again how much I will miss her, nor will I go into detail in regards to how much she has meant to me in my life. In any case I wish her the best of luck, and I hope to see as much of her as possible before she leaves. Hopefully there will come a time in my life when I am easily able to up and visit all the people I know outside of my home town. Where road trips and random vacations are not outside of my financial grasp. Or my lack of free time.

Sunday went as planned. Myself, Ian, Hannah, and everyone the three of us could invite took to the park for some ultimate frisbee and scatter-ball. For about three hours, 14 people kicked some ass in the hot sun. I had an awesome time and I'm glad everyone could make it. Beforehand, Ian Cheryl and I had a morning cookout with friends. Afterward everyone who played headed down to The Chocolate Factory for some well deserved ice cream. Ian, Hannah and I headed to Greendale for the usual Sunday volleyball afterward, making it an extremely physical evening overall.

Thus, I am sore today. Very sore. Brittain and I had a spaghetti and movie night tonight, and watched Cape Fear. I came home and hit the bike to drop off some DVDs with Jenny, for her friend Sarah. The DVD project has passed its halfway point by the way. My goal is to complete it and eliminate the collection by the end of this month. That's slightly aggressive, but I'll be pushing hard.

04-JUL-2004

It's holiday. Sort of. I had a slow and some-what tiring week. Mostly cause I went without sleep for longer than usual. But I've since caught up, mostly. It's been confirmed that I'll be attending WEVA in Las Vegas in August. I've also signed up for the Milwaukee Tai Kai which takes place in October. So there are two things I currently have to look forward too.

Presently I am nearing the end of a short weekend. Friday night Matty-J, Brittain and myself had a quaint little cookout at Matt's place. Spiced-up veggie burgers and fries were all quite tastey. I also scored a charcoal grill off of Matt's previous tenants, my thanks to he and them. Yesterday I got some eBay projects started, spent 3 hours at Jujutsu, and watched Saved with Ian, Rob, and Cheryl. We hit up Judy's after for some deep fried goodness. I also got caught in a torrential downpour on my bike yesterday, while coming home from Jujutsu. I haven't had a more intensely beautiful ride ever before. I was purely soaked when I got home, nature wins again.

Today I will be heading out to the parents house in Greendale to cookout again. As for now, I'm getting ready for a little 4th of July brunch with the ICE Haus mates.

Thanks to the rain, Milwaukee's fireworks were postponed. Unfortunate for those who camped out on the lakefront. From what I gather, there are fireworks tonight and Monday the 5th. The parade and all of the daytime stuff is on Monday. Assuming there is no more rain. I'll be missing it anyways, as I will be working. Despite the entire country observing a national holiday, I will be at my desk ready for action. After that and the workout, there may be time for a DD meeting. We have not been working on that as hard as we should lately. And to be honest, I think we each understand why. As lucrative as it has the potential to be, it's not the most mentally stimulating business venture to work on. All of those are off limits.

28-JUN-2004

Last night was very normal, at first. I could not sleep. Around 12:45 I went downstairs to eat something, which is one of the many things I often try to do to fill my insomnia time so I don't go insane. I finished my veggie corn dog and was laying on my back in bed again by 1:00. Sigma curled up next to me and for a few long seconds I actually thought I was going to get more then 3 hours of sleep for a change. I was drifting... drifting... drifting... BANG! Sigma tore across me and down to the foot of the bed, poised and looking for whatever had caused that freakishly loud noise. It sounded as if a bus had hit our house. The other cats were somewhere else in the house, they meowed and wrestled around, bouncing down stairs and off walls. This got Sigma even more on edge. I was at that stage of almost sleep, so I didn't really think too much about what had happened. I didn't know what happened. I just knew something very loud scared the bejebsu out of the cats, and I was trying to sleep. I didn't manage that again until 3:00.

This morning I heard we had an earthquake last night at 1:11, measuring a 4.5 on the Richtor scale. I guess it originated from the south in Illinois, and what we got in Milwaukee were shockwaves. Everyone I've talked to slept through it. So for now I guess, it's just my and Sigma's little thing. And that was just the morning...

I saw a dead guy today. At least I am making the assumption at this point in time that he was indeed very dead. I was leaving Bally's and hopped on the freeway. Everything was slower than I could handle and I quickly assumed that Summerfest was to blame. Once again a lousy Milwaukee festival that I care nothing about prevents me from traveling within my home city at an acceptable pace. Later I would feel like a real ass for jumping to this conclusion. After sluggling along for half a mile it became obvious there was an accident up ahead, and it was recent. There were no cops yet, just some guy waving cars around the mess. 3 lanes compressed into one as the first cop arrived, traffic bottlenecked and slowed even more. As I nudged forward the detials unfolded. A semi truck was stopped between the center and right lanes. A pickup (I think) was pulled over to the far right, this was probably where the waving guy came from. In the center lane behind the semi was a silver Chevy Malibu, or what was left of one. The car had completely accordioned from front to rear. If I had to guess I would imagine it rear-ended the semi, perhaps while traveling rather fast. It most likely had help from another car behind it, so as to complete the squish effect. The hood and engine didn't seem to be anywhere. The front end of the car was obliterated. The windshield was bent inward into the passenger cabin and was mostly shattered. It looked bad, but even so I assumed that steel safety cages, crumple zones and airbags had allowed the driver to escape with injuries, and at least his life. As my turn approached to slowly idle past the wreck in the left lane, I got to peer over and look inside the cabin. The driver was still in the car, with no paramedics in sight. The waving guy was out of sight, and the cop who showed up as I was making my way through was still behind the wreck. It was just me in the left lane, and the Malibu to my right in the center lane for a short few seconds as I rolled slowly past. The driver's head was more blood than skin. He was dripping in red from the top of his scalp, which was embedded into the collapsed windshield. The steering wheel was in his chest, most likely further into his seat than it should have been. Between the windshield, the roof, and the steering column I really don't think he had anywhere to go. The car was half the size it should have been and he was inside it when it happened. I was now driving past the results of this, 10 feet away from me.

This made me think of alot of things. First I naturally wondered who he was and where he was going, etc. The "little" thoughts, like if that were me how would everyone I know find out? Who would feed Sigma, and on and on. All the standard "what if?" death thoughts. Then I started to think technically. I was thinking about inertia and physics and speed and things of that nature. I drifted into car-related thoughts, like if he were in a different type of car would he be walking away right now? I thought of a crash test I saw online for my car where they simulated a front end crash and the A-Pillars that support the windshield didn't budge. The windshield cracked but remained intact, and the passenger compartment was safe and sound. I thought for only a second that I'm glad to be driving one of the safest cars built, and then I digressed because in the end it probably doesn't matter. While on one hand it is reassuring to feel like I'm driving around in a tank, on the other it's no good to live life like that. I thought about how I want a motorcycle someday, and how I'd be hella-fucked if I ever had to take on a semi with it. I thought about how I want to trade in my tank for a sexy little sports car before it's too late to have one, and how that also would be sacrificing safety for fun. For an instant I was committed to buying tanks for the rest of my life, then I said fuck it. What's life if you're not living? I'd prefer not to expire early but I don't think I have much say in it. So I may as well get that motorcycle and sports car while I can. Otherwise I might hide inside a tank for the rest of my life, and never crash anyway.

All that for a dead guy I never knew. It was weird that he was just propped up in his car all bloody and fucked up. I guess it's normal to expect the police and paramedics first, like all the other accidents I've seen where it was just an empty car. Leaving me to wonder if whoever they pulled out of it was breathing in an ambulance somewhere or covered and cold already. Living or dead. Fuck it. I hope the guy at least lived his life a little. I hope I don't pass this memory off and forget to live mine.

27-JUN-2004

Everything has bee smooth on the surface for several days. I have been running, jumping and playing like a normal human being. It feels good to get back to the workout with Matt. It feels good to get on the bike and race the congested cars. It feels good to be making up all the Jujutsu I've missed. I've also been lucky to stumble across a sand volleyball league for the summer. No money required, which is helpful.

Money has been fine as well. June was a no spending month just as April was. It went by pretty fast considering I spent nothing on anything. The bills are slowly but surely getting smaller and smaller, and sometimes I even think I will free myself of the American normalcy of being buried in plastic. I'm always looking into my options for making that happen faster. But as usual my limited time is a factor.

The real problem here is the routine. When your only activities consist of physically pushing yourself, and restricting your spending so as to recover from years of stupidity and a little bad luck, one tends to get a little stir-crazy. At this point everything is predictable. I haven't had a vacation in forever, and I feel like I've spent half of June injured in one way or another. I need something new...

21-JUN-2004

I am getting ready to try something desperate again.

19-JUN-2004

First of all, I am eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Congratulations to me. It is new bread and therefore squishy, but even so I shall conquer it. Secondly, I grossly miscalculated my weight loss estimate of zero in the previous post. I am currently 11 pounds less than I was 8 days ago. How this oversight on my part happened I do not know exactly. I was either dumb, on codine, or both at the time of my initial weigh-in. Even so, that was only a few days into the liquid diet. My body may not have resorted to cannibalizing my fat and muscles until several days into starvation.

My first return to actual meals was with Meg's help a few days ago. We walked to Trocadero, which was my first time walking in 5 days. I therefore considered this my slow return to exercise, as walking around the house previously tired me out. We ate outside and I had a spinach crepe. Again, squishy. But more nutritious than pudding, applesauce or ice cream. Meg is my hero by the way. It was pretty much that evening that got me off my drugged-out ass and back to reality.

My first return to actual exercise will be an hour from now. I am biking to Jujutsu. I have missed the last 3 classes due to work trips, and then this. I really don't know what to expect, as I am still feeling relatively wimpy. Not to mention, the stretches we do before class are normally enough to wear me down, I can't imagine how much effort I will need to get through them now.

When I get back, I have work to do on DD. Other efforts today will hopefully include furthering the DVD burning project, and cleaning my desk, which is currently a pile of clutter.

16-JUN-2004

Codine has its moments. I guess everything does. At this moment, I am carefully balancing my head perfectly center atop my neck. If I should lean or move and cause balance to be lost, the weight of my head will come rushing forward and I will either spin gleefully into a dizzy spell or hit the desk and pass out for an hour. Waking later wondering about things like "bloodied-up gum-pockets" manifesting themselves as either html or vanilla milkshakes. Either scenario amuses me enough to let me forget about how much this really sucks right now. As of today I can declare that I have not eaten solid food for 6 days, with the exception of a single small slice of pizza that I struggled through last night, chewing exclusively with my front teeth and pre-tearing the bites so as not to put any pressure on my raw, stitched up sockets. The effects of this diet are no good. I can't actually lose any weight because I'm not active, in fact I'm motionless nearly all day. I can't get enough energy to move and therefore regain energy because the liquid squish diet I am on offers only enough energy to keep me awake for a few hours at a crack. I realize there are people out there who pretty much do this all day anyway. But I am, as those who frequent this journal would know, an avid biker, runner, v-baller, etc. I go to Bally's with Matt twice a week. I go to Jujutsu twice a week. I get on the bike whenever the weather is good, I squeeze vollyball in even now during the summer. And now, here I sit. Useless, lethargic, immobile, lazy, tired - exhausted. Exhausted and I'm not doing anything. I feel overly depressed as a result of all this inactivity, my only break from the emotional low is the occasional high from sweet sweet codine fantasies. I am at this moment on the verge of breaking down. Instead, I'm gonna let this head of mine spin and rush for a second, lose my thoughts, and crash. Hopefully when I wake up I'll be one day closer to normal.

14-JUN-2004

Well, this is day 4. I feel like I've been hit by a bus. I am exhausted beyond my ability to tolerate myself, and I am certainly still in no small amount of pain. I am at this point now where concentration is a struggle. I've been meaning to get some work done on the site, as well as Dog Detail but I'm feeling a little goofy overall. I also entertained the idea of starting a site about how my landlord sucks. I'm not sure if I was serious about that or not, I may have just been in one of my loopy drug fantasies. Also, I think that I've been spending so much time on html these past days that it's all I can see when I'm passing out. Let's hope my grip on reality returns soon. I'm supposed to return to work tomorrow, although I'm not sure what my options for that are. I need the codine to get through the morning pain, but I can't drive with it. So I'm feeling stuck.

12-JUN-2004

Yesterday morning I was talking to my oral surgeon about his new G5 and Apple 23" Cinema Display, while deeply inhaling laughing gas and having needles inserted into my hand. Aside from a few short discussions about my musical selections, this is the last thing I remember before a lovely girl repeated my name and slowly coaxed me back to reality. Although my entire body was devoid of feeling, I remember in flashes and blurs pulling myself out of the chair and being walked to another room where the surgeon met with my mother to explain what was to come. Flash forward to the car ride home, at some point Hannah joined us but I don't know how or when. I got to listen to my bloody oral mix CD again in the car on the way to my house. We got there, I crashed into my bed while mom and Hannah surfed for a bit. They left to get me milk and noodles, which I slowly struggled to eat while watching Starship Troopers. Thus began recovery. I crashed for a few hours after the movie, codine in full effect. I woke in the afternoon, physically disoriented but mentally alert. I did some work on the site, and also gave Ian a jump start on Mini-mall Meadows, which is his website in development. It's looking very good so far and I'll be linking to it as soon as it's ready. Always glad to share even more unique content with my visitors, so look for that very soon.

Today was a bit more active, although I am feeling a higher degree of disorientation. I woke after 5 hours of sleep to a purring cat and an aching jaw. The left side of my face is swollen, but not the right. I therefore look like some sort of mutant. I jumped back on the web for a while, took a break to visit Ian while Becky was over. He was preparing some makeup for her Rocky show tonight. Megan came over to "nurse" me, and I could not be more appreciative. She went out of her way to cheer me up, bring me ice cream and spread the love in general. I hope she knows just how much better I felt just having one friend come over to take my attention off the general discomfort I am swimming in right now. So far it was the best part of being a mumbling slobering shut-in. A while after that I got so stir-crazy that I put real clothes on and ventured as far as the garage, where I helped Cheryl perform some general maintenance on her car, as well as take care of the headlights on mine. Everything went smoothly and her car is now running beautifully. A rather aggressive moment of productivity considering I was out fixing cars only 36 hours after surgery. Cheryl, Ian and myself then went to Riverwest for a free film screening, where I got to talk movies with some cool new peeps despite my brain being a little scrambled feeling - I was sure to take my codine/ib prophen mix before leaving in case I got into trouble while I was there. Hopefully those kids will show up to movie night in the future, always nice to see some new faces.

And that's everything up to now. I'm back on the computer obviously. Cheryl is out for now, but plans on some anime with me when she gets back. I'm up for it. Until then, I'm going to catch another nap and hopefully feel a wee bit better when I wake.

10-JUN-2004

Indiana seems to be fast becoming a place I visit frequently. Between the trip to the dunes late last summer, the Adobe show last month and Pinnacle training yesterday I am becoming a regular. Yesterdays activities were quite enjoyable. I learned an ass-load of information I did not previously know, and had a good refresh on some things I did. I also had a hell of a drive back. The trip down took 7 hours, while the ride back was 4.5 hours non-stop. Driving through open road in the middle of nowhere has its moments, like passing semi-trucks as if they were sign posts. Speeding aside, the car behaved very well. I was concerned slightly because I have some work that needs to be done on it which I will very likely never be able to afford, so I've been keeping up on general maintenance and crossing my fingers. So far so good.

Today is a going to be a short one. I return to work this afternoon. I'll need to catch up on whatever I may have missed during the past 2 days. After that, I'm off tomorrow - the big day. I'll be going under the knife at 9am tomorrow, and I'll be going on codine shortly after that. I'm off Monday as well, I don't know what my recovery time for something like this is, so it's best to be prepared. If I am coherent over the weekend I'll try to update EriqX, but who knows. Last night before knocking off I finished "Mellow-out Bloody Oral Mixx", which is the compilation CD I get to listen to while the doc is cutting me up. I compiled it to be overly relaxing and beautiful. Hopefully that will help a bit.

As far as this site goes, I'm working on a Media section. I've actually been working on it for a long long time behind the scenes, but it's a very big section. When I am able to launch it I'll include a breakdown of the Bloody Oral comp as well as some other music tastes of mine. The section itself will mostly be reviews and opinions on movies and music, etc. Also, I've since had a poll vote from New York, spreading the known audience from both coasts as well as up to Canada. I also received a vote from Guatemala, but that was Michelle obviously. She is currently enjoying the rainy paradise with her host family, and frequenting web cafes.

That's all for now, this is most likely the last entry pre-surgery. So cross your fingers for me...

06-JUN-2004

The Sexed-Up Dance Party was a success. It started out a bit slow, but got rolling in time. As usual I must thank everyone who came, and everyone who brought a little tastyness to share. I'll have all the pictures up as soon as I can.

The toe is doing well, it's been a week as of today. I am walking normally and there is only slight pain in certain positions, so it is not the distraction it was originally. I did two back-to-back Jujutsu lessons yesterday on it, making only slight modifications so to not injure it further. And this was the day after the party, which involved me dancing and intoxicated. So I'd say it's survived the worst I can put it thru. I did not run on it yet, however. Bally's will involve the eliptical machines instead of running for a while.

On another quick Jujutsu related note. I got to take part in my first foam-knife fight yesterday, after watching higher level students do it and wondering when I'd get to jump in. I'm slightly thrilled to report that I am undefeated as of yet.

The BCBG was a bit slow to start, I spent my time at Nomad with Rachel and a few others as more showed up over the hour. I had my tasty beer and went home instead of hitting more bars. So, I didn't actually ride anywhere that night, but it's all good. I had a worse-off toe at that point in time, and I had some party prep to tend to. Next Thursday will be similar. I'll join early but mostly likely not stay, as my oral surgery is the following day.

Until then, I'm off to my parents for a BBQ today. This week will be Indianapolis and 4 less teeth. Wish me luck.

02-JUN-2004

Things are happening rapidly. It's now two days until the Sexed-Up Dance Party, which has recently begun to show strong signs of attendance. As with anyone who trys to coordinate a large gathering, that little fear that whispers failure in my ear had to creep in for just a second. But most doubt has since been removed, and as with several past gatherings Ian and I are expecting a romping little bash for all.

The toe situation has improved overall. It looks considerably worse than it did on day one, however it feels better. I'll take that as a good sign I guess. There is still alot of purple, general swelling along with tenderness and stiffness. But the range of motion has improved, and I have been walking without the gimp-strut for most of today. Hooray for recovery.

The teeth, on the other hand, feel worse. There are moments when it feels like they are growing up into my ears from the inside out, and therefore chewing on my eardrums or some other internal sensitive area. I'm also getting the inner-cheek bite going on, that's fun. 8 more days and they're out. Which of course opens me up to a whole new world of hurt. Looking forward to it.

But - before that... I'm off to Indianapolis once again for some work-related duties. This time I'm being trained on a product, so I'll be educated as opposed to educating. Should be a nice change of pace for a road trip. This of course means TNM will be postponed a week, but that's not the first time. As soon as I get back, I'm back to the office for a day, then off to the chair for some under-the-knife action.

Today Jujutsu was canceled, as Sensei is in Ireland. This worked out fine, as I needed to do some party planning. And my fucking toe is broken. I intend to try working out tomorrow with Matt as per usual at Ballys. I'll be attempting to run, as I said range of motion is looking up. If that's too much I'll hit the bikes. Everything else should be unaffected.

Today marked my first web poll vote from another country. Ontario Canada voted today, 1 day after Ohio threw theirs in. The randomness continues across the humble intar-web. Now if I could just reach across that ocean...

Tomorrow marks my return to the BCBG. I'll report on that as soon as it happens.

Last thing, I'm making June another April. No spending in an effort to correct the debt situation. Even with April's progress I'm still in a bad place for my young self. The great DVD burning project will be underway this weekend, as the needed burner arrived today. I'll post notice once the collection is officially for sale. Between that and the potential mileage for Indiana, I may have myself down to just 2 credit cards by the end of this month. Be sure to kick my ass if I fall short.

31-MAY-2004

It's Memorial Day, so here I begin the final leg of my 3-day weekend. I've had a few small adventures so far. Friday was a cookout with the usuals over at Mike and Jessica's house. We also watched Bubba Ho-Tep, which was my second time seeing it. Saturday was a blur, mostly spent cleaning and getting some general chores done. Sunday was Michelle's going away picnic. This was overly enjoyable, despite injury which I'll elaborate on shortly. Myself, Matt B., and Michelle's crew had some snacks and tasty brews here at the house before deciding the weather was nice enough to go out to the park. It was warm, but it was muddy and wet. I therefore got into traditional Eriq summer mode and stripped off the shoes and socks. We played scatterball which was so nostalgically pleasing I almost wished I was back in elementary school just for gym class. When that got old, it was time for ultimate frisbee - my favorite. By the time our two ultimate frisbee games were done, we had 10 people covered in mud, water, and several wearing mud "war paint". I've got a few good pics of this as well.

Now for the down side. During one of my receptions, Rachel (Boss Rachel not Bike Rachel) was defending and managed to kick my index toe on my left foot. For whatever reason, this hurt only slightly - keep in mind I'm barefoot here, and I continued to play. I played for another half hour or so, then walked home. Thus began the slowly increasing degree of pain in the toe region. When I got to my porch, we all chilled for a bit, then I leaned forward to get up and a shooting pain forced my back down. It went away and I walked gently inside to shower away the mud. I came back down, put sandals on and sat around for a bit more. Then we all decided to hit Jalisco's. I made it there with little pain, sat down, ate. An hour later I got up, hurt, and my toe was purple. At this point Pippi offered her expertise, suggesting based on her many many gymnastics injurys that I had a broken toe. This would suck for a few reasons, besides the obvious. I have never ever broken anything in my life, and as minor as this injury is so far, I don't really want to start. It's sort of a personal record thing. This is immediately going to effect my running at the workout twice a week, as well as Jujutsu, also twice a week. Not to mention I haven't been walking all that well since I woke up this morning.

So, I'm going to see how many walk-in clinics are open on Memorial Day, get the official scoop - hopefully it's really nothing, just a nasty sprain or something equally less impressive. I'll find out soon enough, I'm crossing my fingers - but not my toes.

27-MAY-2004

So, it's Thursday evening. This by itself is not interesting but as my week has gone, I think Monday morning was about 5 or so minutes ago. At this moment, I'm congratulating Conigs on successfully completing college (he graduates in two days) while waiting for my fluoride treatment to expire so I can drink more water before bed. Today's earlier events included a normal day of work, an exhausting workout, followed by two non-standard happenings. First, I aquired my first-ever prescription drugs. This has its own two side notes. One, I typically refuse aspirin, bandaids, shots, or any kind of medication what-so-ever. I don't even have a tetnis shot, nor have I accepted a flu shot in over 15 years. Two, this is my subtle reminder, along with increasingly intense pain throughout my day, that this wisdom teeth thing is really going to happen. And soon. I have a small degree of anxiety relating to this un-alterable fate. Yet, with the day-to-day headaches and jaw aches and general discomfort, I am also looking forward to it all being over soon. The second non-standard happening took place across from the Walgreens where I got my crazy drugs. The Brew City Bike Gang, piled into Nomad ready for 2004's very first pub crawl. This also means I crossed paths with Rachel for the first time since it was bloody cold outside. She clued me into the BCBG's schedule and I'll be attending next week. Hopefully it's everything I remember. If so I'll be one busy bastard this summer, adding it to my Thursday will keep me rather stretched this summer. I'll only be able to dive in the next few weeks, since I'm going under the knife shortly after. I'll need to keep Mike posted as well, as I believe he is interested in the ride. Time will tell if everything works out like I would love it to.

The previous moments of interest this week were Tuesday's TNM, which was Reservoir Dogs, followed by the post-TNM Landmark excursion. This included more people I know than I could count. So between the normal hi's, hugs, kisses, and friendly beer drinkers - who bought my beer when they didn't have to, thanks to Jill's Matthew, I had a great - though sleepless - night.

Wednesday's Jujutsu class was fun, but also served to keep me worn out as the week progressed from working out, to drinking all night, to Jujutsu, to working out again. Keep in mind the future schedule adds BCBG to all that. It could be a long summer, but most likely a memorable one.

The general future is going to be busy. This weekend is Michelle's going away picnic. Which, according to potential weather may in fact become a going away indoor gathering of sorts. The following weekend is the MICE Haus Sexed-up Dance Party. After that I'm going to Indianapolis again for work, this time for training. When I get back, I've got a day before I'll need all those drugs.

24-MAY-2004

Ok, so, no less than 12 hours after I post about the strangeness of having unknown strangers from far away lands visit this site, someone from Miami votes on the poll. Again - who are you people?

Just got back from Super Size Me. It was excellent. In true documentary form, I laughed, I cried. Go see it if you have not. On the way out I ran into Erin, then Angela R., then Meg. So hugs and kisses for all, I hope to run into each of you tomorrow after TNM.

So aside from that, all was well today - for Monday. Work was good, went quick. The return to the workout with Matt finally happened, which felt every kind of good. Despite the extra vball and added jujutsu to the routine, I braved my run and lifting today. So happy times I guess. At this point I'm looking forward to Reservoir Dogs for TNM tomorrow. I'm feeling the Quentin kick lately, and I'm lovin' it.

23-MAY-2004

I am keeping a closer eye on my 2004 goals. As I usually do this time of year, I feel like the year itself is quickly slipping by. One more year, one more year, one more year until I'm dead. It won't take too long if I think of it that way I suppose.

The good things have been working out though. It's been raining and storming like mad lately. Which partially sucks because I want to run and play outside. But it's also rather cool because lightning and thunder are beautiful. I've been sneaking bike rides in between the weather, and I've been biking to Jujutsu which is a new positive in my life right now.

Strangest thing the other day, one of the IP's that voted on the Front Page Poll was from Tennessee. I'm pretty sure I don't know anyone from Tennessee, so this is kinda cool I guess. I have had about 3 votes placed from Not-Wisconsin, but I'm pretty sure I know who the others are. This sorta thing makes me wonder what sort of appeal this site holds for those who don't actually know me. There are obviously things here that are not me-specific. But still I feel like this is mostly a journal with decorations. We'll see where it all goes...

Last night was the party-party-party. First Cheryl, Michelle and I went to Brunno's on Brady for Saad's going away party. Then Michelle and I went to Landmark for Abby's birthday. Then a ton-o-peeps retired here for Michelle's now annual end-of-Boss after party. Which of course involved alcohol, house gymnastics and masochism thanks to Rachel's willingness to inflict and mine to receive. All the Boss people are good people, so I'm glad I got to know them. Hopefully they'll make a return for our upcoming Dance Party.

19-MAY-2004

This morning began with an atrocity. Trevor confessed to throwing away both an original Nintendo and a TurboGrafx-16. Threw away! What the hell is wrong with you people?!? Rest assured he was prompty scolded by me. Rest in peace, Bonk. Aside from that little travesty all was well at work and home. I've been feeling a little better overall lately. Not for any reason, but I'll accept the result without cause for now.

Last night was a great TNM. A nicely mixed group of new, old, and where have you been all showed up and mixed it up for "Your Friends & Neighbors," which is very very high on my most favorite movies list. It certainly seemed to be met with a good reaction by everyone, so I'm happy for that too. It's been a while since I've really felt that movie night love, so I guess this means 60 and counting...

I'm looking forward to returning to Bally's tomorrow with Matt. As I've written here previously a short string of distractions ranging from house repairs to trips to Indiana have kept us both out of the gym for about 2 weeks. An eternity in other words. I have felt like I've been drained on energy as of late, and I'm certain a large part of that is due to this.

As an additional response to this, along with my general depression as of late, I took a jujutsu class today. I liked it too, of course. I can't imagine not enjoying something so harmonious and perfect. I've signed up for a month, we'll see after that. I would go forever if I could afford to, but I have been carefully watching outgoing cash for over a month now and I'm going to pace myself to stay level. I may end up taking a month, skipping a month, etc. It's either that or that money train comes in so I can do everything I want. We'll see about that too...

16-MAY-2004

The week that tried to break me is now behind. Although I don't really feel all that rested, I don't really ever expect to. I've been missing the workout for various reasons over the course of the last two weeks, and I am now feeling the results. I'll try to get back into the swing of things with Matt tomorrow by helping him move some furniture. Hopefully this coming Thursday will mark the return to my regular workout schedule. I'll have to hit it hard and not fall off if I'm going to quickly undo the damage that has been done. And that's just physically speaking.

Tonight also marked the return to something else that has been left sitting for a short while, Dog Detail. The 3 of us as usual are quite busy with many other things, and we haven't met to keep on schedule. Tonight a few important details were ironed out, and again we have some homework to do. There are still some significant elements to complete, but things are moving forward. And as usual being productive with something you've helped to create feels good.

Ian and I have begun our preparations for the upcoming Sexed-Up Dance Party, our next official MICE Haus Event. We are going slightly smaller-scale as compared to the Housewarming, but we still expect a big bash. Music is being collected, as well as alcohol. Invites are being shouted out whenever an opportunity presents itself. June 4th here we come.

12-MAY-2004

Indiana was a good trip. Myself and Trevor made good time both there and back, with only mild aches and general car sickness to show for it. The show itself was considerably smaller than we were told to expect. But it was a good experience in general, as I tend to enjoy going on the road. It was also good to see Frank and Jen again, two regulars in my business travels.

The immediate return to Milwaukee could not have been any better. I planned on being back in time for TNM. I canceled it last Tuesday due to the Chicago Avid demo. I didn't want to miss two in a row, so I vowed to return in time. I made it all the way from Indianapolis to Waukesha, then to Milwaukee and was only about 20 minutes late. My house had a handful of familiar faces waiting to greet me with both hugs and beer. Potent weapons for the weary traveler. My thanks to everyone for making the little tiny moments in my life so excellent.

To further re-acclimate myself to home, Landmark followed TNM for the first time in a long time. Not only were 10 or so people there that I knew and was glad to see, but I got to get tipsy with Meg and Angela before the biting and burning began. Thanks of course go out to Angela R. as usual for the mini-make-out session / biting, as well as the non-intentional semi-symmetrical burn on my left arm. It was, actually very intentinal. What I mean is that the symmetry was not intentional. But things just fall into place sometimes don't they? Additional thanks go to Angela F. for the safe ride there and back, and for hanging out and being silly for a bit.

Jill is moving to Seattle. I am obviously more than happy to see her finally getting her ass the hell to the West Coast, but even more obvious is the fact that I will miss her. And in the usual fantasy-longing, will wish I was doing something equally bold and daring to shift around the contents of my own life. All I can really say is kudos to you Circle Kid.

I am shaken as of late. In less than a single week my website has nearly cost me my job, and within the past several hours has apparently caused the deep anger of a friend. In the midst of these major and minor upheavals, I have worked nearly 14 hours a day for the past 3 days. A pattern which is now officially taking its toll on my health and relative sanity, for what that's worth. Even so I am compelled to be playfully amused by the dramatics of this recent causation. I take no offense to "copying" an idea that is not original, an idea that has been around long before my first html tag ever saw a url. An idea that was not direcly or indirectly influenced by anything other than my discovery of an easy way to implement it. The result of stumbling over a free web service as opposed to an intent to duplicate other material. I have no use to defend this site, its contents or its rapid growth. In not even two years I have taken a mild interest with no direction at all and assaulted it with material, content, and complete randomness. All the while maintaing the original lack of direction. This site will continue to expand as fast as my fingers can type, with little to no concern over its traffic - large or small. This site is and always has been for me, and me only. And while I can not claim that I copy original material from others, I have more than enough originality floating around this site to speak for itself. And so I would claim it if someone ever copied a section or an idea from me. But again, it would be an idea you saw here first, not a common staple of hundreds upon thousands - if not millions of other sites. Maybe next someone will condemn my Pictures section. After all, someone somewhere must have put a picture on the web before I came along.

09-MAY-2004

I had the dream where it hurt just to see her again. It had been so long, and there was a certian anxiousness built up made more intense with passing time. She said she always loved me, kissed me. And I woke up. Somethings are so useless to hold on to.

Back in the waking part of reality, I am packed for my upcoming 24 hour stint in Indianapolis. I'll be leaving Monday and I'll be back hopefully just in time for TNM. Until then, I am closing this entry and I'll be lying still in bed listening to Vaness Mae pretending the world is really as beautiful as she makes me feel it is. I wish I slept better, but I'm afraid of dreaming.

07-MAY-2004

Well, today marks an important day in the history of this site: The first time it got me into a serious world of shit. No sooner than I found out a certain someone was reading this, that they directed another certain someone to it. A very important someone. This chain of events is all supposed to feel like a bit of a mystery. Although the string of vague implications are more than enough to force this sequence into the obvious, although rather unimportant. The real conflict spawned from the entries here, their misinterpreted language and confusion of intent. The result of all this? I was fired.

A few minutes later I was on hiatus, or in limbo perhaps. An hour or so later I am once again employed. The experience overall was extremely calm. I can remember getting caught in lies as a kid, the panicky jolt of the heart and the sudden swarm of warmth all over the body. Pulse-pounding stretching across the veins so that every nerve ending can jump in unison. I can remember almost to the day ten years ago that I gave up lying, just so I wouldn't feel that again.

Good thing, too. Defending the truth is a much easier position to be in. It's not as though I really have anything to hide, I do post everything here afterall. The only hurdle I face is how the outside world sees it.

05-MAY-2004

Yesterday myself and Trevor (who is the previously un-mentioned new guy at work) drove down to Chicago for work. Our purpose was simple: sit through a product demo whilst consuming alcohol and waiting for the independent films to start rolling. And they did. Time well spent. Next Tuesday will be a little more demanding. Trevor and I will once again venture outside of office life to go south of the border, the Wisconsin border that is. Indianapolis is calling, and we will actually be selling and representing the good name of our company this time around. It's also an overnight trip, so we leave Monday, set up and get chatty with customers Tuesday, and hopefully get home in time for TNM. The Wednesday after that, I'll be staying hella-late to host a Milwaukee area LightWave user group meeting. Fun. So all in all, I guess I'm saying that work has got me in a state of busyness for a short while. Just thought I'd share.

Today I am faced with an energy crisis. I have no will nor drive to do what needs to get done. I am sleepy, I have lots to do, and I'm just sitting here. Pretty pathetic actually. I guess I'll write more when there is actually something to write.

03-MAY-2004

Weekend: Off. Here comes another Monday, ready to torture me with good weather after sitting inside all weekend in the 40's. Wednesday's bike ride was a tease and I now find myself aching for summer more than ever. I did the usual Vball tonight, the only actual activity I can remember in the last 48 hours. My lovely guests from last week did not return, hopefully they can for our last game of the season which is coming up. After that I need to find a summer league or I may get a little stir-crazy.

On the list of planned accomplishments however, Mike and I have tentatively committed ourselves to actually starting and finishing a video project. Next Sunday we plan on shooting all if not most of the raw footage needed to complete my long-abandoned "electricity" project. It's an easy idea with alot of potential, so I'm hoping the motivation will remain long enough to see it through this time. I'll keep updates on the site of course.

May's financial attack will most likely take on the form of low spending, not no spending this time. And will also include a project possibly resulting in the sale of my DVD collection. This specific approach allows for both the elimination of clutter and the addition of extra cash. I'll be adding a few more eBay auctions to this months roster as well. All should hold me over until Dog Detail kicks off.

01-MAY-2004

Last night was a good old fashioned bar hop. Matt, Mike, Matt B., Sarah, Jessica and myself gathered at the MICE Haus to kill off some pizza and amuse ourselves with Chappelle's Show for a warm up, then hit the town. We started at Henry's and made sure to stop by Circa, which I believe is fast becoming a favorite of Mike and Jessica. I know it's one of mine. This time around I tried a Lithuanian porter upon suggestion, as the supply of Delirium Nocturnum had run dry. Very tastey. Mike and Matt B. tried Kasteel, which was also excellent. So the evening was a success in new beer tasting. Before we wrapped, the almost automatic Webb's run ensued. I subdued my intoxication with onion rings, and Jessica and I made sure to get a few good head-smacks in there. As simple as the evening sounds now that I write about it, I had a great time.

On a similar note, last night also illustrated my April no-spending project, which I feel I should summarize here. In short, it was a success. I managed to pay off a large chunk of debt, eliminate a high-interest credit card, and arrange a few interest saving balance transfers. Last nights fun came out of my so-called allowance, which was the cash I allowed myself out of each paycheck to have fun with. Last nights intoxicating goodness was around $15, which is not a ton of money but it obviously adds up. If I had done that 2 or 3 times a week like I would have in past months it would explain where a lot of my extra cash goes without me realizing it. Now that May is here, I am free of this restriction I imposed on myself. But I also know that if I can do this again I'll be better for it. I'm still working on the details for May's plan, they will not be the same as April but they will need to remain semi-strict in order for me to keep ahead.

28-APR-2004

In the last few days this site has been received by more people than I thought it would. Scott noticed a recent update only minutes into the day it was posted. A total stranger from Madison who got my link through the Node forums sent me a much appreciated compliment. Tiffani at work decided to google me, and thus came here. I think this means that nearly all aspects of my world have converged on this medium, from friends that are up too late to total strangers to co-workers. It some ways this amazes me, in others I am becoming all too aware that my actions in this little virtual sancuary of mine may be exposed to and scrutinized by everyone I know and anyone I don't.

Yes, it's a webpage. It's accessable from pretty much every corner of the globe. It's public. I am not complaining, and I don't plan to change anything I do here. I am just finally realizing that this site has actual traffic. And I am trying to see the future potential of that. If anything, I am happy and excited.

In non-site news, this past weekend was a success. Cleaning, etc, all the bullshit I always say I'm busy doing was done as ususal. One would think my room would be more clean. I attended my usual volleyball and for the first time since I realized the population was in danger, I got some outsiders to come and play. Not just one either, two. Both Sweet Sarita and Tiffani came to flex their respective vball ass-whooping talents, and I am pleased they did. The games where only slightly unbalanced and overall play was quite enjoyable. Hopefully they will show up in the future and I'll get back to having great Sunday night's on a regular basis.

Last night I made a quick trip to the Sha to film a horse. This was a gorgeous horse, and since I know nothing of them that may not be a valid statement coming from me, but I'll stand by it. There is something about an animal that fucking huge that close to you that is somewhat awe-inspiring. I'll have to ride one someday. That and a motorcylce, but that is another complaint.

There was additional progress made behind the scenes of Dog Detail, which is the current in-the-works collaboration between myself, Mike, and Matt. The temporary successor to magi|DIGITAL. This time the goals are simple: Make lots of money, and don't get royally fucked by The Man.

Lastly, June 11 is now set as my oral surgery day. This past week I got to go for my little consultation. This included me sticking my head in a really impressive gyroscopic fun machine, which took x-rays of my jaw while it spun around me in a very time machine sorta way. I enjoyed the sci-fi action, unfortunately its result was news I knew was coming. All four wisdoms are coming in either impacted or flat. All four need out soon, and as I already knew all four really fucking hurt right this second. I've got my prescriptions and my pre-sleepy valium tablet ready to rock. I get to play whatever CD I want when they drug the hell outta me, I wonder if I'll even hear it. I think I should burn a comp with feel-good druggy-time subliminal messages. In any case, I realize this is something tons of people have to do. But I am no fan of surgery, and I am intensely against medication. I had an Advil fuck me up for 9 hours yesterday, I can only imagine what horrible scramble-minded madness awaits me at the hands of prescription pain killers.

25-APR-2004

It's raining and it's beautiful. I spent today coping with a lingering sickness infecting my throat and nose. Dryness and general uncomfort are filling the boredom gaps between computing and cleaning. I did brave the town for a short while with Matt B. and Michelle for some Italian at Joey Buena's, followed by some beer at Mader's.

In the past few days I've managed to get my server working, and share it with my personal computer. Thus allowing me to interact with it the way I want to. As of today this site is officially being served on Dragonfly, and no longer Comtrad. I've got more work to do, as I always say. But things are looking good. In that same time I've also managed to get some scary bills under control, throw away some junk, clean up most of my general clutter, and give myself the much needed head shave. The happiness through simplicity concept is at work here, and as with all of my momentary boosts of positive energy, we'll see how long it lasts. Time well spent in any case.

The past week has been a moderate stress thanks to work. Reasons I need not expound upon, as the Heather B. Armstrong blog-inspired termination is fresh in my thoughts.

Which reminds me, I just found out that my web hero, Bonnie Burton has published a book, which is a collection of blog excerpts. I'll be checking it out of course, but I can't allow myself to take on more reading just yet. I have about 4 books open right now, and between those and The Onion, I simply don't have the resources to tackle more brainspace.

15-APR-2004

Dragonfly is coming along nicely thanks to its new G4 shell. While certain obstacles remain such as FTP and proper sharing permissions, I have successfully hosted multiple sites that are now up in all their splash screen glory. EriqTews.com and FunFunFunFriends.com are both sitting pretty at this time. Developments are due of course, somewhere in between now, updating this site, and forever. At least I have goals, right?

Speaking of, the trilogy of idea-intense money making hopefuls, aka Mike Matt and myself, have yet again begun preparation for the next business endeavour. This time it's unlikely we will get fucked royally by more powerful beings, and it's even possible that it will one day allow us to fuck them. What is this business you say? It's dirty, that's all I'll say for now.

06-APR-2004

I believe that yesterday could be classified as "good". It was payday for one, which of course this month means that I buy gas, food, and then dump the remainder of funds directly on to the debt pile. I did carry this out successfully by the way, no slip-ups or failures yet. I have Matt and Mike to thank in part, I have directed each of them to respond to any such slip-ups with physical violence on my person. Nothing like a little positive reinforcement to keep me in line.

Yesterday I also attended a free landlord seminar with Matt in West Allis. That was pretty informative in all sorts of possible future avenues, I'll try to retain most of it until that time.

The workout was also good, in the sense that I skipped the last one do to an extra maddening work week filled with shows, training, and Chi-Chi's. So the first time running in a few days felt nice and invigorating. Ian and I have initiated our own on-again off-again workout routine called house gymnastics, which was inspired direcly by housegymnastics.com. Most of the moves on the site are cool but I think they are a little basic in comparison to the stuff we will come up with. Looking forward to all things physical and dangerous.

02-APR-2004

April, as previously reported is my financial suppression / mental expansion month. This is day 2, and although I have not yet found extra time to read or paint, I have not spent anything either. Future time saved on not going out and blowing my money away will inevitably lend itself to various creative projects. So far so good I guess. The goals are make a dent in debt that I can actually feel, and to come out of the month with more projects completed than projects in limbo.

I have recently implemented the Mobile Weblog, aka Moblog. This is basically a series of pictures that I can upload to the site via my camera phone, from anywhere at anytime. You can find it on the front page and on the pictures page. Clicking on the image will let you see it bigger, and look at past pics and leave comments. This was all a natural step since I have a horrible weakness for content.

Work this week was a rollercoaster. We had 3 shows planned, 2 of which went on as scheduled. The remaining event was postponed due to an auto accident. At this point I'm very happy it's Friday, work is over and it will all be back to normal next week. I did miss a workout because of all this I might add, but it was replaced with margaritas at Chi-Chi's. It's all good.

30-MAR-2004

Well, there is lots to report. I'll probably forget half of it all before I'm pulled away from this computer.

First, there is the little matter of our housewarming party. This past Friday, as most who frequent this site would know since it was heavily advertised, we threw the MICE Haus official housewarming party here in our new abode. While it has since drawn a number of comparisons to the previous housewarming bash (Jill & Eriq's Riverwest House), and most seem to agree that the Riverwest party was legendary and unbeatable, MICE Haus 2004 was still an amazing event from start to end. Comparisons aside, they are unaviodable in any case. I had a damn good time submerging myself in the ususal dancing, grinding, drinking, make out sessions and what-not. My thanks to everyone who decided to spend their evening with us and indulge in the aforementioned activities. Pictures will be up soon, as well as the recipe for the mother of all candy bars.

Today is day two of the amazing ear infection. Yesterday I woke up, and although all things were normal and healthy the previous night, I woke up with a throbbing pain surrounding my left ear. In the mirror I discovered that my 8-month-old with no problems until now orbital piercing had swollen up into a nasty puffy mess. It's disgusting and I am both repulsed and annoyed that it came out of nowhere. I consumed an enitre orange a few hours ago despite massive protest from my tastebuds, chased it with some IB Prophen and an external helping of antibacterial soap and rubbing alcohol. I hope the healing process has been engaged, as I don't feel all that much better today. And, I'd prefer not to have to remove this one. I'm rather fond of it.

I had a good experience from cellular land the other day. Verizon called me because my contract with them is nearly up. So they did two things to keep me around. One was to offer me a better plan which will lower my monthly bill. This is nice because I have no money, I am trying to save my money, and I am trying to better utilize what money I do have. So good for me. The other thing was to hand me a free phone, along with some random accessories that have yet to find their way out of the box. My new phone has a camera function, and although I refuse to use a shitty phone camera for any serious photos I may use it in time for a moblog similar to the one you can see at mcsoko.com. At this time that's the only use I can find for it, the addition of web content that is.

Ok, at this point technology is frustraing me to the point of suicide. So I'm going to wrap this entry up and go to bed. More to come when I'm feeling like waiting for needed weg pages to load.

22-MAR-2004

Things are coming along. This past weekend was jammed as predicted. Eternal Sunshine was a great movie, and I'm happy that Michel Gondry is continuing to entertain me on many levels. On the movie topic, I also saw this past Thursday The Triplets of Belleville. I highly suggest checking that one out before it's gone. Anyway, the giant fucking candy bar is complete. There will be photos and a recipe posted to this site in the near future. It will serve 100, at least it will serve 100 heathily. That, along with a few hundred dollars worth of snacks and alcohol have already been collected within the MICE Haus in preparation for Friday's housewarming. At this point I'm looking forward to the next unofficial TNM tomorrow, along with some last minute cleaning and party prep. See everyone this Friday.

21-MAR-2004

It's Saturday night / Sunday morning. I'm at that half-way point in my weekend. My very full weekend. Today I worked out, went straight to Mike and Jessica's new place to continue the construction. Later I joined Scott and co. for his move between Yankee Hill and Landmark on the Lake. Basically I've been busy/working all day. Tomorrow the MICE are going to have a quick morning meet about the upcoming party, which is now less than a week away. My intentions for tomorrow after that include an early showing of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, creating a giant candy bar with Ian for the party, and finally an eggroll dinner with the fam. After all that is done with, I'll be picking up Asuka and Olivia. Asuka is the corn snake that I've babysat in the past. Olivia is Megan's new Tegu lizard, whom I've met once so far. I'll be looking after each of them while Megan is living it up in Jamaica for spring break. That will pretty much wrap up tomorrow and I'll be back behind my desk at work before I know it.

This constant busyness, along with other factors - some emotional and some otherwise are keeping me from doing what I really want to be doing. Whatever that is. I think updating this site, along with creating its new PHP version and configuring the Dragonfly server each fall into that catagory. But regardless of how I spend my time I will never have enough of it. Because of this I question the endurance of my sanity. I wonder what keeps so many other people going when they are not doing what they need to be doing.

I have another month-long project to throw myself into come April. It's my intention, for better or worse, to withdraw myself from any and all social activities that invlove money. Not only that, but to limit my output of cash so severely that I will only spend it on food from the grocery store (no eating out), and gas for the car. I will allow my self a certain pre-determined dollar amount that will be basic spending cash. But it will be a small amount and it will be determined shortly based on budget. All this lunacy serves two purposes. One, I can track my spending and identify where it is I'm blowing all my cash. And Two, I can spend my time watching movies I already own, reading books I already have, writing, coding my webpages and configuring my server. All things that will not require money, and all things that I enjoy doing. TNM will continue in its unofficial capacity, again cost to me is low if not zero. It's entirely possible I'll end up some sort of hermit, secluded and ignorant of the outside world. Alone and with few social contacts. But if that's how I have to start climbing out of debt, and building savings, and getting things done that I need to get done, so be it.

15-MAR-2004

Somewhere between now and the last entry, I've been to two freak shows, two slumber parties, one party party, and several workouts.

Operation needless weightloss is still in plateau phase, sitting pretty at 178.

The freak shows previously mentioned were The Usual Suspects and Spike and Mike's. I recommend both to anyone. Usual provided me yet another chance to co-host, and win a T-shirt for someone who isn't me. I've lost count of my impressive arsenal of donated shirts at this point.

My mom wants a tattoo. A little snake crawling on the inside of her finger. I think this is awesome, cause I'm up for number two myself and I think this will be the push my laziness needs. My mom has reached new and interesting levels of super-cool because of this. I've already given her all the info she needs, and I've talked to my friend Annie who has the time for our crime. I'd like to have Heather - who did my first tattoo - do my next one, and my mom's as well. So that's the plan. I'll let you all know how this comes around.

Aside from the above reports, all is well. Work is the same, home is mostly the same. We are edging closer and closer to the housewarming party though. I'm still broke, and my 3rd of 5 planned dental close encounters is tomorrow. I've been working on Mike and Jessica's house here and there, and the experience is good. It's starting to all come together very nicely. So I guess that's that for now.

09-MAR-2004

Where to start? I just wrapped up the first TNM that almost never was. After killing it after the 50th, and reviving it a day later, I decided to move it into low-profile mode. No mailer, no phone calls, no invites. No pizza rolls. The only official statement is the notice on this site, forcing people to want to know in order to know. The idea is that I'll sit home and watch a movie, and if people show up to share the experience so be it. Otherwise no worries. This is all the result of having a great year of movies, a concept that seems slowly lost on most people. It's time to retire, sit back and see where it goes.

Dental work is annoying, but proceeding nonetheless. One cavity is drilled and filled. One anomaly is supposedly corrected, although it hurts more now that they've "repaired" it. One week away from the final drill and fill, then I'm off to the oral surgeon. That part is nearly 2 months away at this point.

I'm currently drifting through a week that feels like a dream. I've managed to ignore the desire for sleep 3 nights in a row, resulting in my current state of mental blurriness. So far I've aquired a friend with two names, a suggested and realized Barbie pile photo-op, and a large cigarette burn that was the result of several minutes of planning and execution. Compliments to Angela.

The workout overdrive is being followed closely, but the results are slow to come. Today I am 178. 3 pounds under my starting point and 17 away from my end goal. This is, quite obviously overly ambitious, and I will most likely use the Carleton Sheets method of goal-adjustment to avoid failure. Even so, the journey has been rewarding thus far.

Tomorrow may or may not mark the beginning of another Peaks experience, we'll see. At this moment I have sleep to catch up on, handcuffs to lend out, and worries to ignore. Where to end?

03-MAR-2004

Last night's TNM was a great time. For 50 weeks now I've opened up the house to the movie-going masses. Special quirks for the big 5-0 included TNM's first ever deep-fried pizza rolls, along with deep fried jalapeno poppers thanks to Scott and his quality kitchen accessories. Jenny swooped in with the biggest (and sweetest in more than one way) surprise, a cake that read "Happy TNM", with "50" candles lit and ready for wishing. Extra snacks and food were on hand, and thankfully they all got eaten. I hate party leftovers.

On a more creative note, I have taken my second pictures for the 2004 Seasonal Photo Project. I am convinced after flipping between these second pictures and the previous pictures that I have perfected this years project already. Each shot is so precise when compared to last months, that it is hard to believe they were taken a month apart. They are identical in angle and position. I look forward to maintaining this level of detail for the rest of the year, as last years lakefront shoot was not able develop so perfectly.

March, as of now is a slow and bumpy success. I have stuck to my guns in regards to my March madness plan. Only a single sip of beer so far. No soda, and lots more water have both become standards in diet. The exercise plan is in effect, and will not see a major change until this Saturday when I need to enter my 3rd workout session of the week. This is one more above normal, and is squeezed between added runs, yoga and pilates. I bought a scale last night and weighed myself today. 181. That means my goal is 161 by April 3rd.

01-MAR-2004

Another trip to Mike and Jessica's new Cudahy abode this past weekend. There was roof-climbing excitement, wall building skilled-engineering, and sawsall excellence. I managed to forget my camera for that little adventure, and the various opportunities including dead birds and confusing electrical mayhem were each lost. These things happen I guess, but I'll do my best to make sure they don't as often.

The day after that I went to the circus with Ian, Hannah, Mom, and Rob. The circus is really not as entertaining as it possibly was when I was much smaller. I was distressed that the ringmaster took 3 minutes to explain why we should buy the souvenirs. Other than that, human cannonballs and humans flipping around are pretty cool, no matter how old I am.

I have a few health issues hovering right now. The first is my dental hijinks. My first of 5 appointments between today and April 21st was today. The next 2 will each repair a cavity. This cannot be done at the same time according to the dentist because they would have to freeze my entire lower jaw, and they don't want to do that. The following appointment is a consultation with the oral surgeon. This will determine how many drugs I get to take before I return yet again to have all 4 wisdom teeth removed. X-rays today showed that all of them are laying flat, coming in impacted. This should be fun. By the time it's all over it will be mid May. At least the ball is in motion.

The next health issue is my own March madness. Which is to say that Kill February never actually happened. My workout will add another day each week, I'm adding a jogging day on Wednesdays and general aerobics on the end of all the other workouts. Yoga and basic fun stuff will occupy a short stretch of every morning as well. The goal is to see what I'll look like on the other end of this month, if any of it will make a difference. My diet will mostly remain the same, as it is pretty healthy. But I will be removing beer and soda and replacing each with water. The only acception being the housewarming party later this month. In any case, as with all my endless self improvement plans, wish me luck.

25-FEB-2004

Another week is quickly disappearing. Every memory I have is either on a Monday or a Friday, and it is strange. February vanished, time swallowed everything around me. I think very slowly that I will be accomplishing the things I need to. The shizzy lizzy has officially been crafted. My 2004 requirements for self improvement and self abuse are in ink form, and it seems like most of them involve drugs or surgery. If I can make a map of my body for the year it will have a new face when I'm through. Better skin, less teeth. Maybe less weight if I can move the hyper-workout plan to March. February went too fast and it never happened.

If I got anything done today it was installing my garage remote conversion kit. I can actually open the door from further away than 10 feet now. The Lift-A-Dor was clearly at the end of its days. Now that I can duplicate remotes I'm able to rent the space to Sarita during the day. My rent just went down again. Hopefully all these little things will start to make a difference that I can feel.

21-FEB-2004

Last night I failed to watch the Governator on Mars as I was expecting to do. Instead I went bowling at Landmark with Mike, Jessica, Barry, Matt B, Matty-J and Sarah. Scott and Michelle joined later on for the standard bar follow-up, Pizza Shuttle. I bowled a 139, which for me is good as I'm not much of a bowler. I had a good time overall and I tried some new tasty beers thanks to Matt B. I do regret not attending the freak show though. There will always be a next time though, or so goes the procrastinaters code.

This morning I'm wasting away at home. Laundry, room cleaning and updating Cheryl's computer are all on the agenda. Tomorrow is volleyball, and although it symbolizes the end of my weekend I am looking forward to it.

17-FEB-2004

The weekend was perfect. Friday was a quick and easy night on the town with Mike, and later on Jessica. Pizza Shuttle, Vox, Jimmy Johns, and Circa were all features of the evening. We wrapped up with a quick viewing of Aphex Twin's "Windowlicker" video.

Saturday was the day of destruction. Mike and Jessica's new house is in need of some attention, mostly in the tear it apart to put it back together sorta way. I spent the day among friends kicking, punching, and hammering away at old paneling and ceiling tile. I even have a few scars to show for it. It's never as fun unless you hurt yourself.

Later that night I met up with Sarita and we did a quick bar-hop before Matty-J and Sarah invited us out to Onopa. We headed that way and were subsequently treated to an awakening of beautiful sounds courtesy of Crime & Judy, whose EP I quickly purchased. I had never heard them before, and I was so excited that they rocked so much I gave the lead singer a hug. Few local bands keep my interest for over a minute, so the experience was obviously positive for me.

That basically wrapped my and Sarita's V-Day celebration, which is to say hooray for singles. Sunday was house cleaning day, and although we all plugged away at it for a while, there is still plenty to do. I am so occupied by the house that am neglecting all other aspects of life right now, including this website. Hopefully this will all change very very soon.

12-FEB-2004

It feels like it's time to play catch-up. I still don't have internet access from home, and therefore this entry will not even be posted for a few days. But if I don't start recording the odds and ends of my life, I'm going to forget them. And then I'm going to forget how to write.

The biggest news is obviously the move. The immediate results of this move were as follows: no heat, no water, no internet. I'm not sure what order of importance those all fall into just yet. The heat problem was solved one floor at a time, in a few days. The first night after the move I spent at Scott's house, crashing on the extra mattress. Scott's house features heat and water, by the way. The water problem was solved much later. In a self-abusing sort-of way, I thought to myself at the time: "At least we have heat". Showering took place at friends homes, and restroom trips involved walking in the cold to the UWM Union. Home was not home.

On the second or third actual night spent sleeping in the house, we awoke to leaking radiators that left a few items wet and a few more walls and ceilings water damaged.

The absence of internet access is a story in and of itself. First attempt at install was bright and early during move day. Denied due to lack of written consent from landlord, who was due to arrive there at the same time anyway, and never showed. Funny how the last 3 times I moved this little piece of paper was never needed. Did I mention they wouldn't even talk to the landlord over the phone because "he could be anyone", but they'll accept a hand written note on torn out notebook paper as permission to install a cable wall jack into a house that is being torn apart to put in a new furnace system? Fuck Time Warner once. Second attempt at install denied because they decided to try and charge me $42.50 per hour (4 hour job) to install the jack, now that I had their precious notebook paper. Apparently drilling and fishing cables through walls is not their job after all. I told them I would do it myself and call them back, and that they should fuck off. Fuck Time Warner twice. Third attempt at install was no more than a phone call to schedule the appointment, after drilling was complete. Friendly phone lady tells me I have not one, but two cable modems on my account. And that I owe them for the old one ($135) and they won't do an install until I pay it. This old modem turned out to be the one that got stolen during my break-in 2 houses ago. Apparently they never noticed until now, perhaps because I payed them at the time and they have a set amount of time that must elapse before they try to fuck their customers more than once. Fuck Time Warner thrice. Fourth attempt will be the day after tomorrow. I have re-paid my cable modem balance, as there is no way to prove it was paid over a year ago. They claim my large payment around that time was just for service charges. I have my shitty notebook paper for them, I have fucking drilled and run cable for them. If they don't give me my fucking internet this time, the fifth fuck will leave permanent damage.

So that explained, aside from Cheryl's garage not being accessible for nearly two weeks after our move in date, thanks especially to our slumlord, everything is fucking peachy.

Did I mention Mike quit? Mike quit. Work will not be the same without him. It is nearly intolerable anyway, so much to the point that I don't even realize it anymore because I'm numb to the idiocy that swarms around me there each and every day. But now it is even more difficult to tolerate. Barry and I have each been making comendable efforts to act like idiots and keep each other entertained. But it's never long until the reality comes snapping back. It's amazing how miserable you can get when your job sucks and your house is falling apart. Here's to better things.

29-JAN-2004

Two nights ago I hosted the last TNM in this little house I call home. Amongst the boxes and bare walls 11 people converged to view "In the Company of Men", the successfull debut effort from Neil LaBute. The night will also go down in history as the single most powerful oven lighting ever. I started the gas, and before I could light it I had to answer the door. I was distracted and by the time I made the announcement that I was going to light the oven for the very last time, it was hella built up. The fireball errupted 4 feet forward and 5 feet straight up. There were applause, and the finale had past. Had to see it to believe it I guess.

26-JAN-2004

California is now among the most beautiful places I have ever been. Mexico being the only other one I can think of at this moment. It was sunny, warm, clean and hopelessly perfect.

Obiviously Mike and I were there on business, and our work related duties went well. But aside from the obligations we used our spare time explore the west coast. Over the 5 day trip we went to Universal Studios and did the City Walk, stopping for a bite and beer at the Karl Strauss brewery. We rented a car and got ourselves to Sunset Blvd. Where we managed to find an Irish Pub and Grille called Dublin's, just as we had found an Irish Pub and Grille called Dublin's in Chicago for our last business trip together. Obviously this coincidence required that we eat there. We discovered the next morning that our waitress kept our company credit card and we were to do without for the remainder of the trip. We then drove to LA just for the sake of doing it. During all this driving we went through Bel Air, Santa Monica and along US 1, with a lovely night time view of the Pacific Ocean. We also got to see the actual Church of Scientology, which scared the hell out of both of us. The good Canadians of Matrox took us out the following night to the East Side Pub, also tasty.

So all in all, everything went well. The only complaint would have to be making the mistake of taking 3 planes to get there and 3 more to get back. What a waste of time and airports. The trip back took an entire Sunday, during which we got to sit on the floor at O'Hare for 6 hours while our plane was endlessly delayed. A pain in the ass to no end at the time, but probably a small price to pay for 70 degree sunshine in January for 5 days.

Obviously being a compulsive shutterbug, I took several pictures of random oddities over the course of this trip. You'll see those posted as soon as possible. Updates in general to the site may slow over the course of this week, as I am nearing my final move date.

18-JAN-2004

I am retiring this weekend with alot accomplished. Mostly packing. But that's important considering my impending time crunch. I also successfully drank and partied at Maria and Jessica's Fucking Assholes Party. My thanks to the girls for showing me a great time. There are a number of pictures up already for those of us curious. I have also completed a very large update to this site. The specific details are in Updates, so I won't re-type them here, but alot went into it to say the least.

At this moment I am looking forward to 70 degrees in January, which is waiting for me at the Burbank airport. The next few weeks are going to be a little hectic, as I already feel like I'm living out of boxes. But just like every single other time my life was in disarray, it will all be over before I know it.

16-JAN-2004

I'd say the muscles are back to normal. I got back to the workout routine with Matt today after the ski trip temporarily derailed it. Everything is more and more rushed now, as I near the end of the month. I will be packing all this weekend, as I believe it to be the only time I'll find the time. Next week is Los Angeles and when I get back I'm outta this pad.

So as of this moment, I'm glad to get any loafn' in at all. Last night I was very happy to get a visit from Dawn, who flew the hell out here from Seattle. Her, Jill and I chilled over here for a wee bit and then joined Ian and Matty-J at Node. I met two interesting PC-using iPod owners, which was odd all by itself. One played guitar in an 80's pop cover band. That was cool too. I also ran into Lydia, who is on my cool list and needs to hang out with me more.

Beyond all the immediate intensity of moving and packing and flying and running around, I am looking for more money. So if anyone knows where that is, let me know. Just thought I'd throw that out there.

Strangest thing... I've been feeling alot of friction lately about the difficulty of this site's name. Short, yes. But no one seems to remember what order those four lously letters go in. So I'm gonna change things up one last time, hope no one cares. I was gonna wait until I went PHP, but fuck it. The earlier the better. The new name will be one whole letter longer, but more than likely easier to recall.

11-JAN-2004

I've just settled back in from a long weekend of skiing, hurting, and more skiing. I am first pleased to report that nearly 6 years after intoducing the back of my head to solid ice with the help of both cockiness and gravity, the results of which were hell knows what permenant damage along with the obvious immediate damage - that the return to the hill was triumphant. With that business out of the way, let me express as well that I had more fun getting back into skiing than I have had getting into anything in a long time. So anyway, the outing consisted of Jenny and Eric, Eric's brother Craig, Scott and Michelle, Matt and Sarah, Meg and myself. The whole thing had its high points and low points. Mostly high though, and the low points were only low because they were lower than the highest points, but still high themselves. I've got a few pictures up already and I will post more soon. My muscles are trying to kill me right now, and I may yet be in for the worst of it. I am thrilled that I took to it after so much time like a natural, and only busted my shit on a very few fierce runs. Which I repeated until I perfected.

On a more reflective note, I want this to be the acceptance of winter. As everyone who has ever crossed my bitching path knows, I hate cold. I hate winter. They make me weak and want to die, it's all very aggrivating. After such a great experience this weekend I now find myself more willing to find better things to do in cold weather than hybernate. I may just be saying this now, so we'll see. Maybe it's the new year attitude that's infecting my more negative judgement.

08-JAN-2004

Well, it's all coming together. The weekend ski trip is tomorrow. I am packed and ready to roll, and as soon as I leave work tomorrow I'm on my way. During my adventures with gravity, my landlord will be here showing this super pad off to some perspective east siders. So it's like twice as much is getting done at once than normal. I'll be glad when this place is rented officially, as it will add a degree of seriousness to my still not-fully-realized moving situation. But before that big day, I still have to squeeze in five days in Los Angeles for work. That is most likely to be fun also, but I will need to make sure I'm 90% ready for the move before I go, as I will have only 4 days (work days) when I return before the move.

So that said, I don't really think much else is on my mind. I had a great TNM this past Tuesday for S.F.W. Work is on normal mode which is ok. And 2004 is still in optimism mode. Let's see how long that lasts...

06-JAN-2004

This madness is so sickly beautiful. I have a ton too many things bouncing around my pinball machine brain. But it's ok for now. The ski trip is on short-term focus mode. Some friendly's have dropped out, but more are on board now. So board games, video games and cabin-style-chillin' are all coming up. It's going to serve as a mini-vacation, the likes of which Mike's cabin has provided in the past. I am looking forward to it, and gravity's way with me. As Captain Zap said: "You win again gravity!" The last remaining detail is getting Meg on the crew. No official answer yet, but it's looking good. I need a lift buddy dammit!

Long term focus is becoming more and more optimistic thanks to Matty-J. This is of course money, and more specifically the war on debt. So far in my presence he has eliminated his digital cable, which I consider a small but effective move to say goodbye to something you realize you don't need while effectively reducing your monthly money-throwing. He has also conceived a large-scale plan to reduce even more monthly throwing. I was present for this initiation and I expect it to go well for him. I am remaining vague so as not to ruin any surprise. In any case, these two commitments on his part are proving inspiring to me. While I'm not in the specific position to make the same large-scale move he has, I am still looking into my options. If that means working twice as hard as I should to get ahead of this - at least for winter - then so be it. I'm not going to make enough money any other way.

I don't believe there is such as thing as medium term focus. So I'm going to make it up now and forget I ever conceived it later. This would be the move. End of the month, drawing closer still. I have been packing a little, selling on eBay even more, and giving away little things that no longer serve me. Such as my pretty colored glass bottles to Carrie the other day. I'll get more serious about this as the time nears, but for now I'm trying to make it that much easier on myself. Moving sucks overall, as I would know.

Today was the first Monday back to work, in the form of a full work week ahead that is. It was normal I guess, extended periods of vacation can be confusing to the human mind I think. Good thing summer vacations are long gone. I am a happy worker bee. After work Matt and I battled the "resoloosers". Those are people who hit the gym as a new year's resolution and then drop off after a few weeks. It was crowded to say the least. I wouldn't have thought they existed as they were not there last Thursday, so I guess they all just started a week late. As soon as they fall of the horse, I won't have to wait so long for a machine. So hurry up loosers, call it quits so I can keep working out. Hoo-ra!

04-JAN-2004

Ok 2004, here we go. I don't have a resolution. I never do, but I'm on some sort of new attitude kick that I don't have an explanation for. I've been happy for a week now with no explanation. Future goals at this time include the move into the new house. After that is behind me, since I'm not a fan of doing multiple major things at once - I will tackle the other major catagories of life. And I'm sure we all know what those are.

At this moment, my January is looking thick. Yesterday was the Safe Harbor holiday dinner, which was good. Large turnout and good conversations overall. I also met our web designer Jeff for the first time, and I thought he was a cool guy. Taste of Italy also managed to satisfy my picky diet, kudos. Next weekend is the ski trip with Jenny and Eric, and all those who decide to attend. So far alot of people have dropped out, but it's still going on. There are enough people to fill the cabin still. I haven't been skiing in a long time so I am looking forward to an injury-free weekend. The weekend after that is the Fucking Assholes party, as detailed on my Events page. One week later I will be in Los Angeles with Mike representing Safe Harbor for DV Expo West. The past Chicago Expo was a great time, and LA will probably offer weather better compatible with my tolerance level, so I'm looking forward to it. After that, I'm back home with 4 days left before I move. Take a breath.