EriqX / Journal 2005

28-DEC-2005

Xmas was good. I didn't have to work. And all of our usual holiday traditions were adhered to. Ian and Hannah and I ran out in the morning to get coffee and junk food. The family opened presents. We all went to see the Wallace and Gromit movie, which was much better than I had expected. I snacked way too much on horribly delicious xmas food. Mo and I exchanged gifts in the evening, and all is well as we wrap up the holidays.

I'm in a bit of a transitional phase at work right now. I'm starting my new team on January 1st. So tomorrow is my Monday, and I work New Year's Day. This means I'm finishing off my current schedule with Tuesday and Wednesday off, then working Sunday, New Year's Day. Then I'm not off again until the following Saturday. My first week on the new schedule is Monday through Friday. Which is nice, but again I'll be working New Year's. So once all this is over and done, I'll be officially into the new year on a new ever-changing shift.

Other than that, I haven't really been thinking about much other than money. I worked out a good budget last night. I was a little surprised to find how much extra money I should have around. Obviously when I spend it without thinking or keeping track of it, this is what happens. Regardless, I set up the new budget to reflect my upcoming pay scale for next year. The trick is paying off the remaining debt, and saving up at the same time. But the numbers say it's possible, so I'm going to dedicate myself to it. I want that condo. I want to move. I want a life.

18-DEC-2005

As with any gap between journal entries, I have a lot to report. And I've forgotten most of it. I guess one bit of big news is that I did land the new team at work. I'm looking forward to changing things up a bit, getting to know some new people, and working with a nicer schedule. Not to mention the pay increase, which combined with the upcoming end-of-year raise, should make 2006 as productive as 2005. If not more.

As the year is coming to a close, I try to reflect on anything I might consider to be a worthwhile accomplishment. I try to assess any goals I may have had that were not met, and whether attempting them in the coming year is feasible. In a broad perspective, I tend to feel my life is made up more of failure than success. This may be due to my heavy list of things I want to do. It may be due to my pessimistic view of the world. "Realistic" according to me.

2005 was unique by comparison to other years. The most obvious reason is that I moved into my parents house. In the year I've been here, I've paid off several thousand dollars in debt to various sources, including my parents, some credit cards, and medical bills. I paid just over $3000 for my Japan trip. And I was able to use my rent-free living to get myself into a new car, with a lower payment. With all that out of the way, I still have a few more things I want to get settled financially. But I don't see a problem doing it in the next few months. This year would have been impossible if my parents hadn't been willing to help.

Looking forward, my primary goal should be to get into a condo, or house of my own. Even with everything I've managed to get out of the way this past year, I know moving into my own home - without renting - will not be easy. I've directed most of my income toward debt, so I have little to show for savings. The main issue, as with all my financial endeavors, is that initial down payment. I can work a monthly mortgage into my budget easily. It's getting to the point where someone actually grants me a loan that's hard. Secondary on my list, and completely frivolous, is a motorcycle. This goal has been pushed back summer after summer for nearly 5 years. As stupid as it would be to add another financial obligation to my list, it can't be argued that it wouldn't be fun. Life, as I've noted on several occasions, needs to be mixed up once and awhile. It's unlikely that this will be my summer for that either. But we'll see.

In my immediate future, I'm looking forward to Mo being home for her winter break. Hopefully we'll have a lot of extra time to catch up and hang out. I'm also looking forward to Mike and Jessica's New Year's party. Which always proves to be reflective.

Before that, I'll just be trying to catch up on sleep and jujutsu. I'm behind in both. I'll also be attempting to sell the same Xbox 360 on eBay for the 4th time. The first 3 winners of the same unit were eBay deadbeats. It's unbelievably frustrating, but I keep telling myself the first one sold and has already covered my compete expenses on the project. So I haven't actually lost any money. I just have a 360 that I don't need. Hopefully I'll be rid of it soon.

06-DEC-2005

Melissa and I just celebrated our one year anniversary together. I took off of work on Saturday, and went up to Oshkosh Friday night to spend an actual weekend with her. We ate out at a few great places, watched lots of good anime, and did lots of other useful things. It felt like the first time we've had some quality time together since summer. The semester is almost over, so hopefully that will become more frequent soon. She's a good part of my life right now.

At work, my boss got fired. I liked him, and enjoyed working under him. So I've been upset about that for about a week now. We've been told that the team is staying together, and we'll get a new boss in time. But it's not the same. I've applied for a different team. If I'm lucky enough to get it there won't be so many reminders when I come in every morning. If I don't get it then things will eventually move on and feel normal I'm sure. Right now I'm pretty much keeping to myself about it though.

Today is the first day of my weekend. Although I woke up very early, I haven't felt very productive yet. I did set up and shoot my long in-the-works Melt photo project. At first it melted too fast, then it melted too slow. The consistency I was looking for did not occur. And I'm certain I will be very dissatisfied with the results. I'll take a look at the digital pictures soon, the black and white 35mm will be a while. I don't exactly stop by the mall all too often. On the upside, my room smells like chocolate.

I have tons of things that need to be done on this site, and I'm always short on time. The Japan Movies have recently seen a lot of downloads, which I think is great. I have a lot more material that I'd like to get started on though, including the Media section and the Scrapbook. Both are currently unavailable. My updates over the course of 2005 are roughly half of what they were in 2004. If I could measure quantity and quality, and know that less was more, I wouldn't mind. But I don't really know how to do that. Nor would I find the time anyway. I'll try to make 2006 a great year for both my life and this site.

In the immediate future, I'm looking forward to Xmas, as well as New Year's. I don't know yet if I'll be working either one, but I don't really care. I'm looking forward to getting people cool presents, and bumming around a bit. Mike and Jess will be throwing their usual New Year's party. I'll be in attendance as usual, and thanking my doctor that this year I'm able to consume alcohol without risk. Although that did little to stop me last year.

28-NOV-2005

Last week I stood in line with Mike and his brother Matt, from sometime around 9pm Monday night to 9am Tuesday morning. It was freezing, we were freezing, and we were waiting for the Xbox 360. Mike's plan was to buy one as part of his and Jessica's holiday presents - which also included a very nice new plasma TV. My plan was to buy two and turn them for a profit on eBay. So far so good. Mike and Jess are enjoying a very nice new living room set-up. And I've got two auctions running. Despite the intense weather, the experience was overall pretty fun. I'll probably write about it elsewhere on the site at some point.

This Thanksgiving was a departure from the norm for me. I usually spend the day with the immediate family. This year I went down to Kenosha to spend the holiday with Melissa and her dad's side of the family. I had never met her dad or step mom before, since they live in Florida. The food was great, everyone was very cool, and I had a good time.

Our family's dinner was postponed due to Hannah's wisdom teeth being removed. So far she's doing fine, and refusing any type of pain medication that was prescribed to her. Go Hannah!

Last night we got ourselves back into ILH. We're trying a few new things, mostly involving our camera setup. We also launched the episode by destroying Mike's former entertainment center, which he had long loathed. Hopefully we'll be posting episode 8 soon, with 9 to follow as soon as possible. We have fallen behind slightly in the editing process. But all of us have been very busy, and the holiday's are upon us now as well. We should be able to catch up soon.

After ILH I went out to Japanica for hibachi with Matt, Matt, Sarah, Jessica and Mike. Tasty goodness flew through the air, and tempura cheesecake followed. I had that "I shouldn't go out and spend money and go to bed late" feeling before going. But it was worth it. I feel like I haven't been out to chill with friends for ages.

Yesterday I worked a 12-hour day. Tonight was 11 hours. I've dedicated as much time as possible to overtime all month long. The drain on my body and soul are definitely there, but I've made it to the weekend. And the end of the month. OT for December hasn't been announced yet, but I'm certain I'll sign up again as soon as the opportunity presents. My feeling is that xmas is coming, and I'm saving for a condo at the same time. I'd like to combine as much OT as possible with my tax return early next year. That should pretty much cover me. Here's hoping.

16-NOV-2005

My apologies for what is likely the longest gap between entries in the history of this site. Things in general are very hectic. Work is great, but obviously occupies 40 hours of my week. My weekends normally include a trip to Oshkosh and back. I've been putting in as much overtime at work as I can handle. I'm making up my previously missed jujutsu classes. I'm looking for a condo again. I'm finally back at volleyball. ILH takes a day out of the week. I've got holidays, weddings, parties and various other obligations both behind and lurking over the horizon. I don't have time for everything, but I'm trying to fit it all in. The site has suffered a bit, but as I've said. These things happen.

Without going into too much detail, Japan was incredible. As I've iterated for anyone who has asked, the people were kind, the landscape was beautiful, the culture was unreal, the experience overall was nothing short of perfect. I will return without question.

Since I've been back, I've mostly been catching up. And having a little fun. So far I've attended Mike and Rachel's wedding, Mike and Jessica's Halloween party, and Beerfest. All in between various other outings. Pictures are already up for Japan and everything I've just mentioned. I'll be working on putting up some Japan videos soon, including some oddball commercials.

The rest is mostly as you'd expect. I just got back from Mo's. We had a short but good evening and morning together. We celebrated our 11-monthaversary a few weeks late, due to circumstance. At this point we are almost a year old. I'll be having Thanksgiving dinner with her family this year. My family is putting the holiday off a week or so, since Hannah is getting her wisdoms pulled the day before.

Matt B. started his new career at the Cell-Block this week. It will be interesting to work with him again, it's been a while since the famed Toyota days.

That's about as much as I can think of right now.

16-OCT-2005

In two days I leave for Japan. Tonight is laundry and packing. I intend to travel light. Clothes, camera, laptop, a book for the plane. That should cover me. I kept meaning to write Akiko and let her know I'm finally getting the chance to experience her home world. I'll try one last time tonight to find the time. It would be nice to find some more time in general. But that's an old topic.

ILH was fun last night. We started a bit late, but no big deal. Matty-J was absent, as he had business in Indiana. Jessica filled in and did a great job. She'll be taking my place next week while I'm adventuring overseas. Baker ran our soundboard in Jessica's place. Kira and Mo were hanging out. Shooting the show is becoming a group activity, and it's more fun every time because of all the good people involved. The show itself is progressing nicely. We are getting our formula down, and the kinks out. The website is growing and expanding every week. It really feels like we are building something interesting.

One of the stories we did in episode 5 was on sleep cycles. I experimented last night with success, and failure. The idea is to sleep in multiples of 90 minutes. I slept exactly 6 hours, and felt great when I woke up. Then I fell asleep again for another 30 minutes, and felt lousy when I woke up. I'll take this as a sign that 90 minute cycles are the way to go. Now all I have to do is train my body to do it right, and I'll feel great every time I wake up.

Other than that little experiment, I haven't been up to much as of late. I've been working and living. Hanging out, going to movies, playing with the web pages. That's about it. I have to pack for Japan tonight. I tend to put these sorts of things off.

This will likely be my last entry / update to the site until I return. You can expect one hell of a pictures update when I do. Until then, sayonara.

05-OCT-2005

Yesterday was reunion day. And farewell day. I took Morgan to Hon Kuk Kwon, for her first taste of Korean food. She's leaving for Korea tomorrow, and she's never had the food. I felt in addition to seeing her off, it was my duty to make sure she had a good Korean meal before getting on that plane. Talia was there, and I got to try a new kind of kim-chi. So there's that.

I met up with Sarita, along with Nina, Rachel, Angelina and John. This is one of the surviving groups that still calls me "Q". So it's a nostalgic little east side moment for me all together. I had the peanut butter cup sundae while we caught up at Johnny V's. I still feel guilty about my menu choice. She's up from Florida for the month. Which means I get to see her once and a while for the next week or so, since I'm leaving for Japan before she heads back to Florida.

Today would have been a normal off day, but I opted to put in some overtime. I won't get the fat check until I'm back in the country. Which means I'll probably be spending money I don't have while I'm there, and paying it back the instant I'm back. Not the best system, but not the worst. At least I'm coming back to piles of money. I've already signed up for additional overtime this coming Saturday. I'll miss a jujutsu class, which is a shame cause I just got caught up tonight. But Japan requires financing.

Class tonight was good. It was another one of those nights where I was feeling down and lazy in general, and wasn't going to get in the car and drive all the way back to what I consider my home. I did anyway, and felt better with every second that passed. I did two classes back to back. After I walked out of the dojo, I turned left and ran smack into Sarita, Nina, Tony, and Kaleena. Out in front of Jimmy Johns, enjoying the unusually warm evening. I had another happy reunion and conversed for some time, then headed home. I miss that side of town too much to bear anymore. I've been living on an island with no direction for nearly a year now. I'm looking forward to taking on the moving challenge when I get back from Japan. First things first.

02-OCT-2005

Yesterday was busy at work. I got through that, and went straight to Mike's to record the third episode of ILH. It went well, aside from some south-bashing, but that was my fault. There still seem to be a few little details to work out as far as our tendency to linger on topics for just a bit too long. But hey, it's only the third podcast. I'm having a great time doing it, and that's all that really matters.

After the cast wrapped up, I picked up Mo and we celebrated our ten monthaversary together at Trocadero. I'd call it an anniversary, but Brittain would catch me on the technicality. So it was necessary to coin a new term. It's nice to find simple reasons to celebrate happy things. Not that I'd know what it's like to do it without suffering the general criticism of others. But it's a small price to pay to enjoy life, and it's balanced out by people who think it's cute. So I remain happy.

On a food related note, get your ass to Trocadero. Mo ordered the Beer Cheese Soup, in a breadbowl. If you like cheese, and beer, this is better then it sounds. The bowl was damn good too. If you think that only cracked out alcoholics from Wisconsin would find a way to combine beer and cheese into a tasty dish, then you should really try it too.

As of today I'm 16 days from Japan. The general excitement has yet to settle in officially. I am excited, and slightly nervous. But it's been a year in the making, so it's always felt like this distant thing. Now that it's just around the corner, it hasn't fully registered yet. My plan to cram on the language and the workout is halfway successful. Meaning I've been good about working out, and not so good about studying Japanese. My brain seems to have enough things to remember right now between work and various projects. Free time is great when you have it. Not that I'm allowed to complain. I do plenty of other things with it. It's just natural to focus on the things you want to do but never get around to.

On a happy note. EriqX has officially reunited 3 groups of people now. The most recent was Rachel B. and her long lost friend Jamie. They lost touch a few years ago, and Jamie found the site through a search engine, searching for Rachel. I'm happy for you guys! Have fun catching up.

30-SEP-2005

I shaved my head in the back yard yesterday. It was at the same time my dad was burying Zorro. This came as a surprise to me mid-haircut. Both the fact that he was dead, and the fact that they had decided to have him killed. He was ancient when it came to old, and a bit whiny too. But still, one minute whining. The next minute dead. I guess we're down to two cats, until me and Sigma move out.

At some point in the last week, or whatever, Mo and I hit Scott's housewarming party. I got to squeeze in a tasty pumpkin beer, and mingle with a few people I don't really see all too often. Shawnen and I managed to take another perfect headshot, as we are developing a trend of doing exclusively at Scott's parties. Other than that, it felt a bit in and out, as my weekends defined by calendar are limited by my tidy work schedule and ongoing desperation for sleep.

Work is going well, as it usually does. I just emerged from two solid days of data training. Everyone in the center is doing it. No complaints, they fed us well. They always do. Work in general has been interesting due to that, as well as the prior visit to the Lutheran home. Me, a handful of fellow associates, and most of the managers and higher-ups paid a visit to spend some time for the United Way. We played bingo, gave out prizes and ice cream. A rewarding experience obviously, and a nice change of pace. At some point in the near future I've volunteered to help feed the victims of Katrina that ended up in Milwaukee. Not sure exactly when I'm getting called up for that, but you'll know when I do. The final work detail is my backup training. The dipping my toe in the water part is over, next week I dive in. More as it happens.

Tonight is Serenity. I've already mentioned I'm looking forward to this. Firefly was a short but sweet show. It's rare to successfully develop more than one character, and for a viewer to actually care about characters. It's a shame that Fox went all Fox and fucked it up in the first place. At least fans are getting some stories wrapped up. I'm also excited that the Onion gave it a great review. That doesn't happen too often either.

I finally got out the putty knife and put the 1GB of RAM in the mini. Taking that little bugger apart isn't exactly fun, but I'm up and running now so no more bitching.

I wanted to mention that I've listed to "Soul meets Body" by Death Cab for Cutie about 100 times in a row now. It's an amazing song.

27-SEP-2005

This is the first week since Mo started school that I won't be heading up for my weekend. She'll be down in Milwaukee for a doctor appointment. I get to spend the last half of my day with her, then she's gone and due back Friday for Serenity. I'm looking forward to wrapping up the Firefly story line after all this time. It was a great show, and I'm sure it will be a great movie.

As wonderful as that all is, the weekend I just lived through was busier than usual. Between ILH, volleyball, jujutsu, Baker's surprise birthday party, and so many extra projects I don't need to keep mentioning, I pretty much hit my overload point. Many things were skipped, I took care of a few others in less time than I would have preferred. I slept almost none. On late Sunday I realized I had survived. All I had to do was make it through work on Monday, and I was clear. Here I am, still a bit light-headed. I'll make an effort to plan things better moving forward.

The aforementioned podcast now has two episodes wrapped up. I am enjoying the process quite a bit. If it ever evolves to a point where people actually watch it, or just listen to it, it could be a strange feeling. If it's referenced out in the great tangle that is the world wide web, I think I would find that strange as well. For now, I'll continue to enjoy the fact that we are actually sticking to something. If I didn't mention, you can subscribe by clicking here.

21-SEP-2005

The first official ILH Podcast went well. Especially for a first episode. As soon as our site is done, the video will become available, and subscriptions through iTunes will be an option as well. I was a bit skeptical of the whole process at first, but like Mike has said, once the first one is under our belt it just gets easier. I'm sure he's right.

We'll be recording on Saturday's. Which essentially means I'll be in after jujutsu, shoot, then stick around for as much of the editing process as possible. Then I'm off to see Mo on one of the two days she's in Milwaukee for the week. The schedule is a bit hectic, but it's eased slightly by the fact that magiDIGITAL will be a virtual meeting each week for the most part.

I just came down from Oshkosh, where I spent the first half of my Tuesday - Wednesday weekend with Mo. The hours in front of me are being divided up between this site, some ILH ideas, and some work for magiDIGITAL. Although I have arranged to head down to Matty-J's tomorrow after work. Where I expect to get a little mD work done as well. Soon though, I will be off to jujutsu and then coffee with Matt B. and Mike. I have a full schedule for the next several days, which will nearly eliminate my options for any full nights of sleep. So I'm going to try not to remain out too late. I need to prepare for a few days of busyness coming up. Hopefully things will start fitting better soon.

Despite my previous entry, where I mentioned I was waiting on the launch for the Photoshop Art section in Elements when I had more to show for it, I'm going to start it today anyway. 5 is good, and more will be on the way in time. I just don't have enough time on my hands to know when. So enjoy what's there so far. I'll be working on it.

18-SEP-2005

Sunday's at work are the best. Slow. So slow in fact, that I tend to write most of my journal entries and thoughts for this site while here. I'm plugging away at the laptop right now, and digesting a hearty breakfast from the Machine Shed, which is a Sunday work tradition on my team. Their food (at least breakfast food) is fucking amazing. So there's that.

The rest of life isn't so simple at the moment. My on again off again relationship with being too busy, is somehow on again. This summer I had a lot of time taken up between two jujutsu lessons per week, two volleyball matches per week, my infamous early a.m. work schedule, and the rebirth of magiDIGITAL. Volleyball is down from twice per week to once every other week. That should make a major difference, but nothing seems to have changed. The introduction of the ILH podcast adds further obligation as well. I'll be the first to admit that my working weekends is hindering any possibility of creating an easily managed schedule. Unfortunately that's the one thing in my life I have no way to change right now. In addition to that, I'm training for a new position at work. There is a lot of knowledge that I have to assimilate, and I want to do a good job. It's a six month program, and I consider it very important right now. Adding to that, Japan is closing in. I still have a lot of cramming to do on my language skills, not to mention keeping up with my workout routine. Once I've added all those things together, I can't even believe I have time to eat or sleep.

So in any case, there isn't enough room for everything, or at least not without adding some stress. Things that are fun to do should not add stress to my life. So I don't have a solution yet. I don't really have any ideas either.

I was going to write about something good that was happening right now. But I ended up staring at the screen. I can't really think of anything. I've been playing around a bit with Lightwave for magiDIGITAL, but haven't come out with anything useful since last week at Matt's house. I still haven't added the extra RAM to my computer, which it badly needs. I'm pretty damn broke right now, and intend to remain that way until I have gone and returned from Japan. Gas costs too much, and I don't want to look around for a carpool option until I'm back on the east side. I guess it's pretty much a down moment overall right now.

As far as this site is concerned, It has finally migrated to Angry Hosting, which is where Matt has decided to relocate ComTrad. I've noticed faster load times already, so that's a good thing. Not much else has really changed. It's still a big, fat, bloated html hog with an assload of content, and more on the way. The problems are as follows: First, as previously mentioned, it's fat and bloated. EriqX is heavy on code. This is due to the fact that I started it with a short but sweet template, and grew it exponentially from there. It doesn't bother my core readers in the slightest, cause they wouldn't know if it was database driven or not. But on the backend, the part I have to deal with to launch updates in existing sections, as well as launch new sections, It can get messy. Fairly simple things take longer than they would if I had gotten myself on the PHP bandwagon, and it's mostly too bad for me. Obviously now isn't the time to add something to my list. On top of the technical downside, the content in queue is a long, long list. I have a growing list of tasks to complete, and items to correct, touch up or add. The Media section has been "coming soon" for well over one year. Other organizational changes are a huge undertaking. I'd also like to brush up the overall look of the interface, only minor changes have been implemented so far. I simply don't have the time right now. Considering this is all just a hobby - one of my many - I shouldn't really worry about it. But for some reason I do.

One tiny glimmer of progress amongst all that previously mentioned chaos, the Photoshop Art section in Elements is nearly complete. I've been unwilling to launch it until at least 6 art pieces are ready. I have 5 so far, with some simple corrections due on a few of the early ones. It's nice to be close to done, but of course this is just one more thing that is moving slowly, since my free time is limited. On the bright side, I'm creating art in my own cracked-out definition. I get few pleasures from life, that is one of them. I'm glad to have any time at all, really. It's nice to spend time on things you love.

11-SEP-2005

I've lost the battle of the earring, which had been ongoing for the last few months. Before falling asleep in the car in the middle of Mississippi I took it out. Two days later I jammed it back through in the hopes that it would take. It' didn't. Another day later it's hurting again. Enough to take it out. I'm sure I won't bother trying to put it in again this time.

Everything leading into this week went as it normally does. I worked, I ran some errands. I paid for my Japan plane ticket. Got stuff done basically. I was off for Labor Day as I've previously mentioned. On Sunday after work it felt good knowing I was out for the next 4 days. A mini-vacation before Japan, and after this years camping trip. I still have a day before the end of the year, with Japan already planned for October. If I was still at the last job I would have run out of time 6 months ago. It's nice to have so much breathing room.

The hours after work were spent packing and double-checking everything I thought I might need to get in and out of New Orleans. I blasted through everything as fast as I could, and stopped by Mo's house on the way out of Milwaukee. Matt and I originally planned to sleep very early, wake very early, and hit the road as soon as possible. The following day would be spent entirely on driving. Unfortunately by the time we ate dinner, shopped for groceries and miscellanious items, it was only 5 hours until we planned to leave. We slept and woke shortly to set out on our road trip.

I won't go into endless detail here. The hour-by-hour trip log is posted on the site for those that really care what our journey entailed. I will touch on some of the best parts though.

First and foremost, Paul is doing well in Baton Rouge. In fact, his life there is so similar to what it was in Milwaukee that it almost seems he moved his entire life with him, not just himself. His apartment has every character it did here. Both in decor and inhabitants. I was especially nostalgic to see Vanessa, the mannequin torso that we kept in our first apartment together in Bay View. He is still crazy Paul in every respect. I was happy to see he is still with his girlfriend Bekah, whom I had I high opinion of when I first met her two years ago. We only had a day to catch up, but we spent it wisely. Paul mentioned it was only the third time that old friends from Milwaukee made the trip down.

The following day was New Orleans itself. The short version is that we got much further than we ever expected to. Although not as far as we had wanted to. The majority of our time was spent heading east on St. Charles st. The houses were beautiful and full of character, adding slightly to the overall sadness of the devastation. The area we were in was nothing like what everyone must be seeing on the news, etc. It was basically a few damaged roofs, with trees and power lines down. It was incredible to see the power of nature on even that level, far below what had happened only a mile from where we were.

As Matt later put it, we went down to Louisiana and encountered a category 5 stereotype. After waving to every cop that drove past, being waved through by cops and soldiers alike, and on many occasions being ignored by the authority figures in place, we were finally questioned by Boss Hog himself. The state trooper was every embodiment of the fat, dim, bumbling authority figure from The Dukes of Hazard. He spat out his chew before he started grilling Matt. He was sweating. His loud, abnoxious drawl did nothing to command respect or indicate his authority. Overall, he was comical to us. The only problem was he was pissed, and in charge. Oh, and he had 5 or 6 soldiers unload from a truck just behind him. They later on would prove to be a bunch of meat heads, but that didn't really detract from the fact that they were all carrying very big, very scary looking guns. And they would do what Boss Hog said, I'm guessing.

The chew chompin' bumpkin with a badge proceeded to grill everyone in the group. He didn't believe what we were up to, which is fair. Since we weren't. Regardless, his main concern - interestingly enough - was that we had dope on us. Not sure how that was gonna hurt anyone at a time like this, with looting and killing and such going on, but I'm not a cop. Not my job to tell him his. I considered in my head telling him that we northerners had better things to do with our time than smoke up, but decided it was a much better idea not to take any early stabs at his southern roots. He progressed from questioning us on drugs onto weapons or "anything illegal". We all replied that we had nothing but water and cameras. He repeated the dope question, confessing that if we told him ahead of time that we had dope, he would cut us some slack, but if we lied and then he found some, he would "haul are asses to jail". He had Matt and I place our packs on the hood of his squad car, and asked us to describe the contents. I told him bottled water, a sandwich, a notebook. Matt said mostly the same thing, with the addition of his pocketknife. Boss Hog checked our packs while the military patted us down. The MP went through the routine with me, finding nothing but a camera, cell phone, and wallet. He asked me where I was from, I said Milwaukee. Then he asked what state that was in. Paul, Bekah, and Matt got the pat-down too, but Matt and I were most of the focus since we were the only ones carrying backpacks.

Unfortunately things got a little stickier when they got through Matt's backpack. Matt carries a small arsenal of utilities in his bag at all times. I knew this, Matt knew this. But neither of us took a moment to remember before setting out. I guess we were a little caught up in getting down to it. First was the pocket knife, which Matt warned the trooper he would discover before the bag was ever opened. He told him it was a present from his brother-in-law. Which we all later agreed is probably the only reason it was never confiscated. Then the lock-picking set, or "pigs" as Hog drawled. That caused a little friction. Boss Hog asked Matt to tell him what he thinks when he finds them, Matt mostly ignored the question. I don't think any of us could possibly know what Hog was thinking. He modified the question, asking Matt what they were for. He cooly replied "Well, if I were any good at it they'd be for picking locks". Hog seemed gratified that he got an answer similar to what he wanted, or semi-confessional I guess. He mentioned that there was a lot of lock-picking going on around the area, Matt said he wasn't picking any locks, he just had lock picks cause they're always in his bag. We knew this to be true, but Boss Hog had no reason to buy it. We were all pretty much thinking that if a house had boarded-up windows and missing pieces of roof, it wasn't in danger of being picked into. It would be way too easy to walk into. When Hog found Matt's super fancy sci-fi LED flashlight, he fumbled with it until his right-hand man (the nice guy) said he thought it was a flashlight. Hog confirmed with Matt that it was, then asked why the hell we needed a flashlight. Matt said "It's a flashlight!" The situation was getting more interesting, if not tense. When Hog pulled out Matt's GPS, he said "This for knowin' where the hell you at, right?"

In the mix of all this, Bekah was subjected to some sound advice from both Boss Hog and his military crew about walking around barefoot. Again, as with our common knowledge that the contents of Matt's bag were actually normal, we all know full-well that Bekah is the ultimate barefoot girl. She goes to work barefoot, she came to freaking Milwaukee barefoot. She goes everywhere barefoot. The bottoms of her feet probably rival an aligator. And again, as with the issue over Matt's bag, our detractors just didn't get it. After she argued her case Boss Hog simply dismissed her by saying "You do what the hell you want".

In short, we were an odd bunch. And I'm sure it stuck out to Hog and is geographically challenged, gun toting, military mush-heads. They asked each of us the others names in private, then checked with everyone else for any slip-ups. But never actually checked ID. I don't get it overall. I do know we would have been better off without Matt's bag along, but it didn't seem to make a difference. We were getting turned around anyway and we knew it. And what should we have expected? The authorities are under extreme stress right now, and have better things to do than worry about a couple of punk kids trying to get close to the action. We got considerably further than we had ever hoped. I'm just glad it ended with a stereotypical slap on the wrist, as opposed to a new adventure that begins with a southern prison. We are somewhat stupid, somewhat lucky. And I don't regret a thing.

On the way back down St. Charles, a few guys in a pickup truck who drove down, then got kicked out came back down. We jumped in the bed and were relieved of the walk for the trip back home. These guys were shooting pictures too. We passed through a checkpoint on the way out that we had to avoid on foot to get in. We walked the rest of the way to the car and called it a day.

The remains of that day involved driving back to Baton Rouge. Matt and I took off that night to get a head start on the long trip home.

When I got back I was accused of "capitalizing on human tragedy". I guess I missed that part. I thought I was taking photos, something I love to do. Something that makes me feel alive. I suppose if had taken the photo that ended up on the cover of TIME, the one with a woman in waist-high water holding what I presume is the dead body of a relative, then I wouldn't be capitalizing on human tragedy. As it stands, I ended up having a great road trip, seeing an old friend, spending time with another friend that I don't see enough, and taking a few pictures of downed trees and cars that were partially submerged. Shame on me.

I also got a lot of questions, interest, and "I wish I could have gone with you"'s. I got a lot of friendly jealousy among photographer-friends of mine. I got a lot of general support for getting off my ass. I appreciate all of it, for those of you who know who you are. It's nice to go down and find more people are there doing what you are than people who disagree with you. It's nice to come back and find there are more people who understand than there are people who simply can't.

03-SEP-2005

Yesterday was my and Mo's 9-month anniversary. I was instructed to surprise her with a new restaurant, so we dined at Hon Kuk Kwon, and were surprised to learn that Talia is now working there. It's always good to have friends as waitstaff. Dinner was excellent. We both had bibimbob, my favorite. And I tried a new Korean beer that was light for my taste, but very smooth and pretty good. Afterward we watched Crash. It's so strangely like us to take in a movie at the cheap seats for a special occasion. All together everything was wonderful. Great food, good movie, no complaints.

Slighty before that kicked off, I managed to get back to the gym. Sand volleyball is over for the summer, as I have mentioned. So I need to replace it with more physical activity. That, and I've previously explained my approach to Japan: get both my body and my vocabulary in much better shape. So I'll lend myself congrats for getting started on half of that ambitious mission.

Earlier this week, I helped Mo move into her new apartment in Oshkosh. I liked her last place, but I think I like this one a little more. Her bedroom is much larger, and the place overall is a little bigger. It reminds me a lot of my first place in Bay View, actually. That new apartment feeling that you get came over me, even though I'm not the one moving. I guess I've been getting anxious to end my layover in the parents basement. After Japan I'll be focusing on that once again. I want to decide how to decorate a new place all over again. I want to relieve Mike's basement of its current storage facility status. I want to live on the side of town that I actually consider a home. I can still make a condo happen this year if I push had enough. So I'll remind myself to get back in action once I'm back in the US.

This is a short work week, due to Labor Day. I requested to work it, but was denied. It's the first holiday this year I wasn't able to work. Oh well, some of the overtime has to go to someone else once and a while. I'm taking off Thursday too, so I have a four day weekend, followed by a four day work week. It will be nice to break things up a bit again. Japan is getting nearer and nearer. Once it's all done, there will only be two months left in the year, and almost time to start planning new vacations.

This upcoming long weekend will include a road trip with Matty-J. Our plan is admitedly stupid, but equally interesting. Our friend Paul lives in Baton Rouge, and I haven't been able to get through since Katrina. Baton Rouge wasn't affected by Katrina directly, although it is currently housing thousands of refugees. Our first goal is to knock on his door and make sure all is well. I haven't seen him in two years anyway. So now is as good a time as any. our second goal is more complicated. See how close we can come to the disaster area. As I'm currently writing in an upcoming thought entry for this site, life is stale through CNN. Sometimes you have to see the world, for better or worse, up close and personal.

28-AUG-2005

Mo's back. Our reunion was everything I've needed, but it was short. Jet-lag kept the need for sleep in high demand. So we retired early. My Sunday's are typically packed, with the introduction of the PodCast in my life, and the re-introduction of magi|DIGITAL. Plus volleyball. This mostly means I'll be lucky to see her again today, if so it will be for only a short time again.

Other parts of my schedule are becoming more relaxed, however. The last night of Friday's volleyball league was two days ago. C-League is not my thing, so I won't be subjecting myself to it next summer. The last night of Sunday's league is tonight. We are currently in first place, and I hope to help defend our position for the season. B-League is more my pace, so I hope to keep with it next year. Only having one league to play on next summer will help to keep my schedule more open. This has been a busy summer, which was perfect while Mo was gone. But I won't do it again.

I've been invited to wedding number 4 for the year. Mike L. from my Toyota / Lexus days, and his fiance Rachel are tying the knot in a halloween-style wedding October 29th. I'm already looking for my orange and black themed suit. Should be fun.

On the ongoing wedding topic, Jill sent me pictures of her recent ceremony. I'll post one or two with her permission, so hopefully soon. I wonder when I'll get past the fact that I was once 16, and fully enter the grown-up world I'm more and more often being forced to realize I live in. I think part of it all is that everything moves so fast. Jill was living next door like 5 minutes ago, give or take a few years. But it feels like yesterday.

I'm at work as I write this. I don't know when the last time I gloated about how much I enjoy my job was, so I just thought I'd throw it in. Sunday's at work are always a crawl, so I have all the time in the world to sit on my laptop and write this. As of yesterday my name was put on the list for the back-up queue. Those are the reps that know everything, and help us out when we get stuck. It's not a major move, and in fact I'm still doing exactly what I've always been doing, it will only go into effect once and a while when they get overloaded or short on staff. It just feels good to be singled out as someone who knows what they're doing. It's keeping me in line with my goal to become more and more diversified at work. The more marketable I am the more options will open up to me there, and I have plans to move up in time. It makes me happy that a major reason I took this job was because of the potential opportunities, and I haven't been let down. It's the first time a job has ever done that.

WIth Mo back, and my debt inches from eliminated, my next short-term life goal is focusing on Japan. It's only a month and a half away, but it's going to come fast. I have to work out a little extra, so I'm in better shape for the extra training. I also have to start cramming on my Japanese. The minimal conversational phrases I know are not only going to be of no help, they may get me into trouble. If I can say 10 things really well, but nothing else, I'm not really going to have anything to say. So exercise my body and my mind, pretty much as usual. Just twice as hard and twice as fast. Nothing like moving from one form of stress to another.

21-AUG-2005

Last night was Toni and Eric's wedding. It was pretty much perfect from start to finish. I mingled with good people that I hadn't seen in a while. As well as a few new ones. The ceremony was quick, with moments of both humor and a little tear-jerking. There was no mention of god or his intentions for me. The program included a Homer Simpson quote. The groom and his crew looked perfectly dangerous, sporting Matrix-like attire. The bride was beautiful. The music was my style, clearly selected by those getting married, and not their elders. Crayons, trinkets, and paper airplane kits were all provided for our entertainment. Strawberries were infused with amaretto, then dipped in fondue chocolate. Perfect.

The only thing missing was my date. Who, as everyone knows is finishing off her 60-day summer in the land of the rising sun. As of today I have less than a week to wait until she's back in my arms. At this point I'm getting the feeling that 6 more days are going to take longer than 60.

Today is going to be packed. I'm at work as I write this. After I complete my obligations of employment, I'm going straight to Mike's. There is much planning and outlining to do with Mike, Matt and Sean in order to get rolling on magi|DIGITAL again. Even though we have existing work to fall back on, it's still going to be essentially like starting over. We have our work cut out for us. Immediately following that brainstorm, Mike, both Matt's and myself have another project to lay out. Our PodCast. We don't have a plan or an outline, and that's how we want it. With any luck, the four of us will have an inane conversation for 20 or 30 minutes, and it will be considered entertaining. By someone. We're calling it "Insert Logic Here", taking the name from the B-cable show that Mike and I conceived in high school. I hosted, he produced and directed. It remains a great memory for me of a great time in my life when productivity and creativity ruled. And I had enough time to kill with friends both creating projects and doing nothing afterward. Mike's push for all of us to get together and create this PodCast is no doubt fueled by the desire to resurrect those times.

On the topic of projects. The 6000 video project should be done as soon as we sit down to it next. As I wrote last, it's edited. And it looks good. I'm happy with the footage. I'm happy with the choice of techno, and how it worked out rather well for the video. I'm happy with the humor of watching a piece of shit car get the rockstar treatment to fast cuts and bassy music. Between the PodCast and the rest of life, things are feeling very busy. But I'm commited to having something to show once it's all over. So I expect to crank this out soon and move along to the next idea. One thing at a time.

18-AUG-2005

I'm counting down the final days until Melissa returns from Japan. Today is 9 to go. I'm ready for sleep after an exhausting day, so it will be 8 in no time. The last few have been a little of everything, and nothing special.

The best news is my debt. It's low. And getting lower. The two G4's sold, and the rewards were a massive chunk of debt relief, rivaling the recent bonus from work. With those two major blows in one week, I'm in the home stretch. This is excellent news, as I have spent every moment of the last 5 years owing one creditor or another, and at most times several. Those days are soon to be gone.

On the creative front, the 6000 video project, which I conceived months ago with a little inspiration from a big-boys video centering around a Dodge Aries, is underway. If you frequent this journal on occasion, you'll remember reading in July how Mike and I had intended to shoot this back then. Life got in the way, and I can honestly say I really didn't believe we were ever going to spend our free time creating anything fun again. We got back on the horse a few days ago, with Matt B.'s help. The entire project is shot, and edited. We need some extra time to add the final touches, but it's days from done. It feels amazing to get back into the video project scene. One day we will justify thousands of dollars of equipment with something great. For now though, I'm content just to mess around.

This past weekend, Mike and Matt J. and I got down to business. magi|DIGITAL business. A general outline is set, and future plans will hopefully soon fall into place. We have work to do, and little time to do it. But we're back in the game. Our success in round one was cut short. But this is a fresh start, and there is no end in sight...

Back on a creative note. Mike, the Matt's, and myself have decided to get a podcast started. Who knows what this will ever become. But it's going to be yet another exercise in creative freedom. Something I'm starting to re-develop a taste for.

12-AUG-2005

This morning I missed a call from Melissa by one second. The music in the car was too loud, and the phone was on vibrate. I figured I'd see it light up, and I did. When it said one new voicemail. One second.

Things are otherwise fine. I slept zero hours and zero minutes two nights ago. So I made up for it last night by sleeping somewhere over 11 hours. I woke up energized and had a great day at work. I shadowed a technician to see what that's all about. It's interesting, but I think I'm better suited to get into training/mentoring. I never really know what I'm going to do next, and I kinda like it. So I'll keep it that way for now.

Phase one of two on the August debt relief program came through today. My bonus check was cashed, and was smartly spent on debt. The impact was impressive, and if the computers sell next Sunday for what I need, I'll be one paycheck away from done. From there I can focus on saving, spending if I want, and condo hunting. I need to get back to that soon. Hopefully my previous failure will be remedied by less debt, more savings, and better credit.

That, and I have to move. I can't crash in the basement that much longer. I'm claustrophobic anyway. I talked with Becky the other night at Ichiban to determine our living plans. They will wait until past October when I return from Japan. Between then and now, I'll determine if the condo is really an option. I'll also save my money and get prepared in general. I've thrown out most of my crap. I'll try to part with more for the sake of just doing it. And before I can't stand it any longer, I'll be on my way. Either a cheap apartment with her, or a condo with me.

During the computer switch-up, my keyboard failed. Normally not a problem, but my keyboard is an Adesso EKB-2100. The perfect USB Mac-oriented ergonomic keyboard. The same model I've bought 4 copies of for work and home. Over time, loss, theft, and now failure have taken them from me. They are increasingly hard to find. I have one left at work, but I type plenty there, it's needed. I'm using a straight board at home now, and at the risk of sounding whiny to those who aren't simply content to let others be, I'm in all kinds of repetitive stress-induced pain. The picky-ness is well deserved. Other ergos have stupidly aligned function and page up/down keys (Microsoft), while others are cheap or ugly, or far too out-there to even resemble a keyboard. Although those are the ones that claim all sorts of exciting breakthrough technology. I can't test before I buy, and I have better things to spend $300 on.

The diet I'm on has amused those that think I'm too skinny. And is supported by those that feel my pain. In either case, the eating part is easy. The exercise part is still nothing more than my usual four days a week of pain and activity. I have yet to return to Bally's. And I've yet to bike more than 5 miles in an evening cut short with Matt B. I haven't started running either. At least I'm reading a lot.

05-AUG-2005

Yesterday was bad. Today will be good. Or something like that. When I got home yesterday, my new Mac mini arrived. This is good, however I had no time to even remove it from the box. It's still waiting for me to play with it. I would have, but I was insanely tired. I got a few little things done around the house. Then I took a shower and a sleeping pill. Today is Friday, but not my Friday. I'm fully rested, and I'm starting a new "diet" that Mike clued me in on today. I'm feeling rather pumped considering it's 7am and I've been at work for an hour. After work, I'm planning to hit the Apple store with Mike. We are going to check out the new "Mighty Mouse". Which has a lame name. But is hopefully too badass to pass up. Apple hardware usually is in my book. After that will be volleyball while Mike and the Matt's watch their weekly fix of BSG. Then we'll all meet up for a late night on the town.

In the past week or so I've attended Jenny and Eric's housewarming party. Their house is beyond amazing, to put it simply. It's huge, beautiful, colorful, and has insane potential for even more awesomeness.

I've also hooked up with Eric for yet another double-feature. This time not completely planned. We watched the original 1953 version of The War of the Worlds with a handful of friends. After, we decided it was a good time to watch the new Family Guy movie, Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story. I recommend both, preferably between episodes of Top Gear.

As of today I'm two classes behind in jujutsu. Which I hate to be, but I haven't been feeling 100% recently. I wasn't sick or anything, just burned out. My recent attempts to keep sleep as a regular part of my routine will hopefully help that. I am feeling great today as mentioned, so I'll try to keep that up. And try to catch up.

My easy goals for the next week are mostly eBay related. Now that the new computer has arrived, I have not one, but two to sell. I have been having endless problems trying to sell the G4 400. I'll give it another go, but more importantly I'll put the G4 dual 1.25 up as soon as I move all the files over. That's the one that will make a huge impact on my debt this month. After that goes through, the next check from work contains not one, but two bonuses. The impact of that alone will also be significant on the debt factor. I am very happy about this as. The scope of the bonuses I've been receiving from work are impressive. Owing nothing to a long string of credit cards was not something I could have dreamed a year ago. And it was never something that could have ever been possible with the previous job. The layover at my parents house is obviously a contributing factor as well. Also adding to my happiness factor, is the fact that the end of that is also in sight.

I'll be meeting with Becky early next week to discuss the roommate options. We've been planning to live together for a while, long before my attempt to acquire the condo. I have been holding off on this move for as long as possible. Mostly due to the need to eliminate debt, and also because when I move I don't want to rent again. At this point, I can't live at my parents anymore, I need my own place. It's as simple as that. In a perfect world, I'd get out of debt, get a condo, and rent the other room to Becky. At this point that may be delayed, although I would prefer it not be. My ability to get the condo is completely hinged on financing. Last time I tried that, I came up a bit short. At this point, I have a better credit score and less debt. Close to zero debt actually. I've also been looking for alternative sources for loans, ones that supposedly will be easier to get me an approval. If I can jam all of that into a small space, I may get my way. If not, I may be renting for a short stint while I look for a place I can buy. At this point it's all up in the air.

27-JUL-2005

Despite 6 people calling a half hour before start time and canceling, a few people that weren't originally going to show up did. And thus, the anime double-feature had an ok turn out after all. There was more than one incident of what I would call a technical difficulty. But even so, things got moving along eventually and hopefully everyone had a good time. There was an intermission for the festival fireworks, as well as the usual East Garden food break. Both movies were great, I might add. As usual, many thanks to Eric for opening up his place to the movie going masses.

The following night volleyball ended early after our opposing team never showed up. The ref said they sucked anyway, and wouldn't have been a challenge. It's not much consolation when you pay to play, not to win by forfeit. Between that, and the eBay loser, I'm starting to feel like a lot of people waste my time.

Today was Tuesday, my weekend is here. I got some cleaning done as usual. I also started working one of my previously in-the-wings photo projects, "Melt". It's been in my head for years. The Bottle Cap Collage has been long delayed thanks to a slow down in unique bottle cap availability. I'm still working on it, but it won't be done anytime soon. Originally I wanted it done before I moved on to something else. But Melt should take minimal time, and since it's a photo project it will either turn out or it won't. So I may as well get on with it. I haven't felt creative or productive for some time now. I have some video projects around the corner as well.

Tonight I went to see War of the Worlds with Matt B. After we stuffed ourselves with food and cheesecake at The Cheesecake Factory. I recommend the peanut butter cheesecake with coffee. Dying immediately after would have been sufficient.

I finished the Voluntary Simplicity book. I'm now reading The Red Queen, by Matt Ridley. It's about sex and its ties to the evolution of human nature. It only took 20 pages to completely hook me. Between that and Fantasies of Fetishism, which I'm sort of reading on and off, I've been reading at a maddening pace lately. I also managed to subscribe to both Time and Wired, which I digest at work during down-time. I'm suddenly ingesting information like crazy, it feels like my new pain obsession. I'll try to keep both of them up, hopefully exercising the body and the mind equally.

Mo comes back in 31 days. That means this is the half-way point. If I really sat down and thought about it, I'd conclude that I couldn't do it all again. So I'm not going to think about it. I've been doing a perfect job of working and living in distraction. Telling jokes and holding up conversations. Inside I have that perpetual empty-stomach feeling, and it won't go away. Maybe that's why I dove back into art today. Or why I'm spending every second that would have been a sad one reading whatever I can get my hands on. An escalation of desperation. All for the sake of distraction.

22-JUL-2005

I've been averaging 3 hours a night for over a week. Last night was my first official admission that I have a problem. I attempted to solve it with an over-the-counter Tylenol-branded sleep aid. Which luckily did not actually contain Tylenol, as it would have interfered with my other menacing medication. (8 more days and that's behind me forever) Regardless, I was so tired I decided that even though I bought them, I didn't actually need to use them on night one. I was wrong. At quarter to eleven I gave up, and took one instead of two, seeing as though it was past 8 hours to wake time. I don't remember a lot after that, just another 30 minutes or so of tossing and turning, then nothing. I woke up to the alarm in some sort of insane catatonic madness. I silenced the alarm a few times, then eventually learned to walk again. As I moved along to breakfast, things in my line of vision eventually caught up with me each step I took. They always lingered a second and a half behind. It was very Waking Life and/or A Scanner Darkly, only not animated. Also, not deep and thoughtful, or penned by Philip K. Dick. Eh, or directed by Richard Linklater. Fucking Drugs.

I caved in yesterday, and bought a computer chair. As not-interesting as this actually is, I realized I've maintained a certain degree of consumer thriftiness by not only witnessing the dilapidated state of my previous chair as it made its way to the trash, but also in recalling its origins. I bought it from our neighbor's rummage sale over 12 years ago. That was 2 neighbors ago in that same house. The chair moved with me 8 separate times. In its final years with me, it was the most horrible, busted-up, creaky, dangerous chair that ever was. Between not having money, and somehow believing it still had life left in it, I spared its life again and again. If I get that much out of this new chair, then "I've got that chair thing handled."

I'm in the middle of another eBay fiasco. The G4 400 is sold, 4 days ago. No communication whatsoever from the winner yet. That includes payment. As usual I'm playing the waiting game before I can get on with my plans. And, not surprisingly, some chump with a computer somewhere decided to make eBay a pain in the ass for others who actually take it seriously. The internet should require a license.

On a related subject, the mini is on order and confirmed. Should be around in a week or so. I'm looking forward to leaping forward in my simplify/miniturize plan by replacing not one, but two giant hulking G4 towers with a sleek, elegant Mac mini. All I need now is the eBay shit to sort itself out.

Tomorrow is the anime double feature at Eric's. I'm thinking the crowd will be a bit smaller this round, but that never means it's going to be small. I'm already having a good time just thinking about it. I can taste the sesame bean curd from East Garden a day ahead of time.

36 days and counting. Aishiteru baby.

19-JUL-2005

I woke up at 4pm. Then again at 5:45pm. Both times I thought it was morning, because the light coming through the windows was just like dawn. Apparently it was cloudy or dim out or something. 3 hours of sleep per night for the last week had apparently caught up to me. Although I was getting used to it, my body knew better. And thus I've slept through the first day of my weekend. I intend to stay up very late as a result. Whether I sleep or not tonight is yet to be seen.

Sunday night's volleyball game was better than Friday. Again, we shut out the other team, winning all 3. Which is more impressive than Friday because all the teams are better. We are too, of course. But it's still hard to kill all 3 when everyone really knows what they are doing. Everyone played to full badass potential. I can't honestly see myself going a week without volleyball for the rest of my life. It's recently sparked a little bit of happiness within me. Realizing that I have a handful of things I couldn't see myself without gives me the feeling that I'm actually out there living for a reason. And not just getting through life.

Today was 39 to go, but I slept through it as already mentioned. So therefore I'm hours from 38 to go. I talked to Mo last night, and again when I woke up today, mistaking it for morning. She's out of home stay and back at camp, and doing well. We are one-third through our longest absence from each other. As much as both of us have agreed to keep busy and enjoy our summers, we are still aching without each other around. I'm glad we'll never have to do anything like this again.

My schedule is all cracked-out right now. I want to go out and hang around with someone. But it's late on a weeknight. I'm stuck inside, unless I decide to take a nice nocturnal constitutional. Maybe later. I can always use the time to keep up with the cleaning and reorganizing that I've been making excellent progress on. Although the moving-out plan is up in the air. I still feel better about being ready for whatever option I create for myself next.

Paying off debt is a serious bitch. It basically means you actually have to sit down, shut up and admit you've already got tons of nice toys that you really never did pay for. That, and you have to not buy more stupid shit you don't need to impress people that don't care, so you can put your money where it's actually needed. The G4 400 has sold on eBay. I'm currently waiting for payment. The cash will offset the cost of the down payment on the Mac mini, as well as ease some debt. After the mini arrives, I'll move everything from the G4 1.25 over, and put it up for sale. That will be the real debt killer. Along with this little plan coming to fruition, I've got 2 separate quarterly bonuses showing up on the next few paychecks. My obligation to several credit cards is very nearly gone. Once it is I will have considerably more flexibility in the financial world. I'm looking forward to visions of motorcycles, condos, and a highly anticipated trip to Japan.

16-JUL-2005

I'm at Node, reliving previous summers memories of cream soda and free wifi. It's a nice restful moment for me. The preceding jujutsu lesson went well. I'm currently learning how to throw people.

Last night was volleyball. We shut out the other team, winning all 3 games. We all played very well, and I had a great time despite the previous nights insane biking adventure. After the game the combined pain from the biking and playing felt pretty good. I'm starting to adjust well to my weekends of strenuous activity. I'm starting to like it more the more I do it. And tomorrow's volleyball game is yet to come. Sundays are always more intense than Fridays, since Fridays are C-league and Sundays are B. They're always more challenging to say the least.

Immediately following the game I joined Matt B., Mike, Matt J., and Erin at Rock Bottom for pasta and beer. The evening wrapped up late, but I can't be expected to sacrifice all of my Friday nights for the sake of good sleep and a better day at work. That, and I had a great time being social for the first time in a long time.

For the better part of the last several days, I've been thinking mostly about debt. Partially because I'm close to out of it, and now that I'm in the home stretch all I can think about is pushing as hard as I can to finish the job. I'm working holidays, I'll jump at the next opportunity for overtime, I've got eBay auctions running, and every paycheck is eliminated instantly for the sake of closing in on my goal.

The other reason I'm focusing on it so heavily is that I need something else to focus on. Mo's in Japan for another 42 days, and I'm starting to lose track of everything else. I wake up without her, and I fall asleep without her. I really don't want to disintegrate into one of those loopy, supposedly incomplete people who spend all their time not accepting the way things just are. I really just need something else to do with my non-injury time.

11-JUL-2005

It's Monday. My weekend starts here, and I took vacation Thursday so it's a three-day. I just drank some ranch dressing with a few onion rings on the side. I woke up this morning at quarter to 5 to the phone ringing, it was Mo. She was making potato salad for her host mom. It was dinner time in Tokyo. Today is day 12. That leaves 47 to go.

Last night was the end of this weeks pain trilogy. Every week my Friday is volleyball, Saturday is Jujutsu, and Sunday is volleyball again. By the time I'm done being as physical as I possibly can for 3 days in a row, I need recovery Monday real bad. The good part is that my volleyball game is becoming considerably better than it previously was. And I thought it was just fine before. I hate to say anything that makes me feel like an egomaniac, but enough people I play with and against are starting to tell me I'm dangerous on sand. I can't be blamed for wanting to believe them. I've recently added to the physical melee by pulling the bike out of the basement and tuning it up. I was back riding a few days ago, and I'm trying to fit as much of it in as I can. I know I would do it more if I could get the bike back downtown where I really want to be. But my 3 bike rack options dried up. Matt B. sold his, Mike can't find his, and my parents won't fit over the spoiler on the Subaru. I hate that damn spoiler. At least I didn't have to pay for it.

The rest of my distractions mostly just include coffee either at Node or the usual Wednesday night at Zebb's. Various legitimate projects, some of which can be found in the Projects section on this site, are also being inched along. I intend to take a portion of this weekend to get more things like that done. A major player in this will be the 6000 video project. Mike and I have once again committed to getting something quick and easy completed. We are scheduled to shoot Wednesday morning. Let's hope we not only complete filming, but manage to dedicate hours of hour free time after that to the editing process. Hopefully resulting in a completed project that we can start a portfolio with. This would be a welcome departure from the growing pile of incomplete video projects we are still claiming responsibility for.

04-JUL-2005

5 days ago I put Melissa on a plane for Tokyo. We hugged and kissed goodbye just like it was any other parting moment in our normal lives. As if I would see her again the very next day. I managed to hold my tears back until I got from the terminal to the car again. The next time I'll see her will be 54 days from right now. I feel as if I've been distracting myself for the last five days, trying to keep my mind off of her absence. I don't know how long I'll be able to keep that up. I have plenty of things to catch up on, all of which I've been spending the extra free time on. But I expect in two months even I can run out of things to do, or at least the desire to do them. It's going to be a long stretch.

The last few days have been otherwise normal. I've spent some time making up my missed Jujutsu classes from the camping/fever episode. Which itself was an ordeal. Yesterday was officially the last day of the antibiotics they put me on. Lets hope whatever it was intended to obliterate has officially left my system. I do feel much much better, and have been more than able to go out and act happy and healthy. But even so, I was always fighting a slight pressure in the left side of my head. As well as the weird toothaches, sinus pain, and eyeball pain that decided they were all part of the mix. Most of those symptoms have disappeared, which is making life much easier.

The rest of my so-called free time has forced me to catch up on the eternal cleaning project. It's going slowly, but there has also been a noticeable difference in my otherwise cluttered surroundings. As with all my previous attempts to conquer my pack-rat habits, I feel much better the farther I get into it. The problem as always is to somehow make it stick. If I could do that I could finally call it a victory instead of a battle. At present, I'm reading a book called Discussion Course on Voluntary Simplicity. Mo picked it up before she left, and we decided we would read through it and see what we can apply to our lives. I'm hoping it will fuel the fires enough to get me on track with where I actually want to be right now. I don't want to wake up in ten years and feel like I've been struggling forever. Now is the time for change.

The condo is at a complete standstill right now. I was approved for significantly less money than I will require to purchase it. My options are as follows: Try somewhere else and see if I'll get approved for the amount I actually need. Concentrate more fully on eliminating all remaining debt, and then worry about getting a condo. Or, buy a considerably cheaper, very shitty place for the amount of money they will actually give me. That last option does not appeal to me. I'd be very happy paying off the rest of my debt at this point since I now have the opportunity to. And also because at this point I'm only about two months away from eliminating it. Perhaps less when I put the computer back up for sale, which thanks to Matty-J I am all fired up to do once again. In general, it would feel good to have no more credit card payments ever again. So I'm leaning heavily in that direction. None of this includes the mother of all loans from my parents. But that's under control, especially once I'm not distracted by the credit cards anymore. I'll still keep my eye out for loan options on the condo, but at this point I'm pretty much expecting to put it off until debt is relieved.

The previously mentioned computer situation is this: I had sold my G4, and used the money to pay off debt. Then got a large bonus check from work just in time to take the G4 back from some chump who decided he needed to use a new, high-class machine to boot into a non-supported, archaic, useless operating system. Since the auction text was vague enough to allow him to think it would, I paid him back and now I still have that computer. So, I was going to re-sell it and buy a new G5. Then Apple announced they are changing the G5's early next year. So buying a new one only to watch its value drop rapidly and require a new one in less than a year was not appealing to me. I still have the G4, which will presumably also drop in value as the new machines come out. The new plan is to sell the G4 now while it still has some value to it, buy a new Mac mini, which will get me through the next several months no problem, then buy the new G5 when it becomes available. The money earned from selling the G4 will once again go toward debt. And I'll have the option to sell the mini if I want, or turn it into a car PC when the time comes to trade up. So that's that for now.

Now, on to more recent events. Once again, Eric has gathered some very cool, and very high-class peeps together in his and Sam's stylin' 28th floor apartment. The 3rd of July fireworks over the lakefront, as viewed from the balcony, were beautiful. I mingled with a lot of good people I already knew. And of course met a few more that had a knack for discussing nerdy engineering things, nerdy old-school video games, as well as music and movies to no end. It was a great time as expected. Thanks of course to Eric and Sam for their generous hosting. After the good times, Matty-J, Matt B., Scott and myself joined up for a quick coffee and discussion at Node. All-in-all a great night.

Today is the 4th of July. I'm working, but I did volunteer, and that means overtime. Another debt-killer in my arsenal. I have more than one obligation tonight in the way of cookouts and other such holiday related things. I'll try to stop by as many as I can, but I know how these things usually go. Plus I already had a blast last night. Hopefully there is time for everything. Either way, it's the weekend for me now. So I should be able to stay out to all hours, just like last night. Here's to living it up again.

27-JUN-2005

Camping was blast. Seriously a blast. Day one we went looking for a maybe existent cove of sorts that only the Baraboo locals are supposed to know about. To everyone's delight, we found it rather quickly. And for the most part, exactly where it was said to be. Now, this was badass. Everyone got a good hike, and a good swim. Matt and I got a quick taste of rock climbing, which was fun while it lasted but eventually devolved for both of us into very wet clothes and a pair of drowned sun glasses. The adventure took a turn for even more fun when some locals showed us that yes, you could jump off a 50 foot cliff and land safely in a tiny swimming hole, the depth of which was unknown but seemingly bottomless. Not quite willing to take on that much of a rush on day one, the same locals climbed up the rock wall on the opposite side of the swimming pool, and showed us jumping from there was just as safe. This was probably a 15 or 20 foot drop. Matt and I determined that the bridge we jumped off of in Cancun was higher, but this was still a good way to spend some time. Matt, myself, Jessica, and yes, even Mike - after some coaxing (we could have all watched an episode of The Simpsons in the time it took him to take that first leap) jumped off. I did it twice, which at one point gave me a very sharp burst of rather cold pond water rushing through my nasal cavities. An interesting sensation to say the least.

The remainder of the trip may be what you'd expect. Boating and swimming in Devil's Lake. Hiking to Devil's door. Grilling some damn good food, lighting some damn big fires, and chasing away the raccoons. We topped it off with a quick trip to the Dells, where the six of us got behind the wheels of some go-karts and beat the hell out of each other. Overall, it was a very very good camping trip, and a much needed vacation.

I returned to Milwaukee with a fever over 100. Headaches, dizziness, eyeball popping out of my head pain, teeth hurting (that's a new one for me), and boderline insanity were all part of the mix. I hate to complain, because I just got back from such a great time, but man was I seriously fucked up. I decided the combination of alcohol (which I'm not supposed to consume while on meds), too much sunlight (which I'm not supposed to be exposed to while on meds), physical excursion, possible dehydration (the meds will do that too), and spending more than one quick occasion in colder-to-me-than-anyone-else water, were all to blame for my condition. By the time I decided to visit a doctor my temp was down to 99, which seemed like progress to me, but the other symptoms were still there. He diagnosed me with "a throat infection that was affecting my inner ear". Coincidentally the same exact areas where I felt that rush of cool nature water buzz through my head several days earlier. My natural aversion to cold, and my lack of interest in swimming aside, I still lay the blame for all this fully on the meds.

The doctor put me on antibiotics, today is day 5 out of 10. I'm feeling much better overall, in the sense that I can do things including walk and talk without any regrets. I don't remember the last time I was sick, so all is fair I guess.

One of the things I spent my recovery on yesterday was teaming up with Sam (Mo's step-dad) to get her car fixed. It won't pass emissions, and the last time she went they advised replacing the O2 sensor, and the camshaft position sensor. Both sensors, after a violent battle of rust and grease, finally came out. I installed the new sensors, disconnected and reconnected the battery, only to watch the check engine light come back on within half an hour. Now that she's returned to the emmission station, they've told her it takes a few days for the computer to reset. Lame. That, and I've never heard of such a thing. But whatever.

Today I'm spending the day with Mo. So far we've had a tasty lunch at Singa Thai, stopped in both Half Price Books and Barnes & Noble, neither of which had what I was looking for, but offered some interesting alternatives. Tomorrow I'm driving her to O'Hare, as she is leaving for her two-month stay in Japan. The reality of her absence in my life for the rest of summer didn't really set in until this morning. It's useless to attempt expressing how much I love and will miss her. So I'm not going to try.

16-JUN-2005

A month or so ago, maybe longer, I really have no idea anymore, I submitted a request for vacation time to go camping at Devil's Lake with Mike, Jessica, Mo, Matt and Matt. We are camping Sunday through Wednesday. I'm off Tuesdays and Wednesdays, and I got approved for vacation Monday right away. Then I waited for Sunday. Waited, and waited. June and July are tough months to get these days. It looked like I was going to join up with the group 8 or so hours late. Until today. More vacation time was opened up due to good service levels, and I'll be relaxing and chilling in nature for the full four days. I've been looking forward to any kind of vacation forever now, and this will serve as a nice little break before Japan in October.

Today I should probably get shopping. I need food and a mat to put under my sleeping bag. Other than that, I'm looking forward to roughing it, and climbing some big scary rocks.

Yesterday I had breakfast and coffee with Carrie, whom I haven't seen in some time. I've been out of many loops for a while, ever since I migrated to the suburbs. I spent the middle of the day with my parents for my second viewing of Star Wars Episode III, their first viewing. After that was Jujutsu. After that was Japanica with Matt B., Megan and Mo. It was a nice finish to a productive weekend. So far it seems like the only Japanese place in Milwaukee that will make me veggie tempura maki is Ichiban. I'll have to move them up to favorite status very soon. Or learn how to make it myself I guess.

Last week I let Ian let loose on my hair with an assortment of dyes and an arsenal of Q-Tips. The result was not as colorful as expected, as many of the dyes did not stick. He went over the canvas a second time, the results darker but still interesting to say the least. I've had my share of colors in my hair over the years, all of them to be honest. But never this many at the same time. All things considered, I'm having fun. Perhaps it's my last stand against adulthood, before the mortgage payments settle in.

11-JUN-2005

In the past week or so, Mo and I celebrated our six month anniversary. We had dinner at Maharaja on the east side, very tasty Indian food. It somehow feels like we've been going out for years, either that or time is slow when I'm with her. Either or is fine by me. I hope there are many more months and years to follow. Something tells me there will be.

I've been suffering the usual lack of rest over the last few days. I have missed the last few opportunities to brew some new Aught~5 with Mike, Matt B. and Sean. I've been feeling the pinch more than ever lately with regards to general free time. This is mostly due to the condo plan, which has recently had new developments. I have a few things that need to get done before anything can go through, and I have no real power to make any of it happen any faster. I'm stuck waiting and hoping my options won't dry up while I'm busy doing nothing.

The one true major hurdle on the way to the condo was the Saab, which is sold as of last night. A very nice girl named Megan got very very excited to buy it, and came back to finish the deal after dropping a deposit on it a few weeks ago. I can tell my second investment in the world of automobiles is going to be in excellent hands. I'm glad to see it go, as I don't want to deal with car repairs these days. But I'm sad too, it was a very fun, fast car with a mafia trunk. Can't beat that, warranty or not.

The next obligation I need to clear up is the Select Milwaukee course, which is basically 6 or so hours of real estate info in a class room. By attending, I qualify for a grant from the government toward the purchase of the condo. This was just handled this morning. At this point I should be inches away from a loan. Next move should be to get proof that the Saab is done and gone, and send it to my loan officer. Once that is done, I need to locate a home. One thing at a time.

Some sad, but expected news. Thai Kitchen has closed its doors forever. Mo's mom and step dad took us out for our six month anniversary, and when we got there it was no more. I only went once after I decided to go as many times as I could, after I had found out it was soon closing. It makes me sad to think about the circumstances surrounding its closing, and I hope nothing but good things are to follow for Amy and her family. It also makes me sad that I never followed through with any more serious efforts to send business their way. Sometimes I wish I had a million dollars to go around. Money really does solve most of lifes problems.

And as far as other problems go... Mike and I tied our endless list of failed projects back to its roots. Our failed commitment. The idea that some people are simply driven, while others - such as ourselves - are not, is annoying. Between myself, his self, and mostly everyone we hang around with, we have about a hundred ideas that would love to get off the ground. Time and time again we were defeated by our own lack of ambition. So far this has only served to fire us up again about getting some sort of project off the ground, in addition to forcing us to consider what the possible psychological causes of determination could be. Somehow if we could all just tweak that aspect of our personalities, all would be well. I don' t know how to do that.

01-JUN-2005

Michelle and Andy's wedding was a few days ago. It was a fun wedding, even though it was outside and there was inclement weather. The ceremony was good, and the reception was fun. It's nice to get dressed up once and awhile, and Mo and I had a good time getting pretty and hanging out with Mike, Jess, and the Matts. The steady flow of weddings in my life seems to be ramping up as of late, with Sean and Mary's just months ago, Michelle and Andy's just days ago and Mike and Jessica's coming up. It must be that time in my life.

Yesterday Mo and I had a full day. First was my monthly lab test which meant I had to wake up and run down there without eating. Once that was over with, we filled up at Ichiban. I had the veggie tempura maki, which is so badass I recommend it to anyone. We went out for coffee immediately after, and then had her tattoo touched up. We went home to rest a bit and play some video games before heading back downtown to help Becky and her roommates move to their new posh east side dive. The end of all that was rather tiring. I sold Matt B's PowerBook to Adam before we retired for the evening and collapsed.

The condo showings went well. Jodi took me through two units, one gorgeous, one shitty, both the same price. I'm still waiting for the financing, which in itself is a struggle. If and when that goes through, the real battle will begin.

Today is mostly a lazy day. Me and Mo are working on our sites, and are giving each other haircuts later. I have Jujutsu and coffee with friends after. That will wrap up the weekend, and the cycle starts over. Tomorrow is Mo and my 6-month anniversary. We'll be having dinner at Maharaja, and that's all the plans I've got so far.

27-MAY-2005

Yesterday my horoscope said "You will need to be industrious and headstrong if you want to get anything accomplished today". As I was reading that, I was already making a mental checklist of things I wanted to accomplish. Namely selling the Saab, and completing a loan app for a condo I'm looking at later today. Two things I consider rather important at this time, especially since I want to use the money from the Saab as a needed down payment on the condo. I also enjoyed the horoscope simply because it included the word "industrious", which is awesome due to its relation to one of my favorite words, "industrial". But is further made awesome because of the way Christopher Walken says it with his patent reptilian delivery in Batman Returns.

I filled out the application to the best of my ability. Lengthy and tedious forms are not my specialty. Eventually I was feeling productive, even though the first of my two appointments for the car was a no-show. I cleaned up around the house, updated the site, and twirled the keys to the Saab around my finger until the second appointment showed up right on time.

This girl looked exactly like Morgan. It was scary, but between her looking like one of my friends, and the horoscope, I decided it was all a good sign. 20 minutes later she put down a deposit so I would hold the car for her until she comes back with financing. So far so good. I'm going to re-fill out the loan app now reflecting the sale, which should be helpful. This afternoon I'll take the Saab through emissions per our sale agreement. Then I'm meeting up with Jodi to check out the condo options first hand. Then I'll be relaxing with Jenny and Mo with some Twin Peaks. I have too much going on to actually relax, but I'll put forth a good effort.

26-MAY-2005

Things have been busy. Yesterday I was pop-quizzed with my 7th kyu test in jujutsu. I was not expecting it, as I've felt that this level has been the most challenging for me so far, and much more training was ahead of me. This is still true, but I did pass the test. After failing to recognize the first opportunity to even take it, I'm starting to better understand many other things in relation to etiquette. Hopefully I'm being better prepared for the trip to Japan later this year.

The night before that I spent at Izumi's with my team from work. As usual the food was delicious. We went to Landmark on Farwell after that for bowling and drinks. I had a great time with Mo and the peeps from work. Some of us were better bowlers than we thought, others were worse than we thought. Perhaps next time less gambling will be involved. I ran into a handful of friends that just happened to be frequenting Landmark, and retired the evening in a great mood.

Yesterday's free time was mostly dominated by loan applications, and conversations with loan officers. A few months ago I decided to buckle down and attack my debt situation with everything I had. I'm only slightly more ready to do this now than I was then. But I'm starting to feel like life isn't going to go anywhere anytime soon if I don't start pushing a little. The loans are to seek financing on a condo. I've got a complex in mind, I've got a realtor, I've got a loan agent I like and it's looking as though I'm about to qualify for a grant from the government for first time home buyers. Based on all this, things are good. Based on the hurdles I'm about to face, things are going to get tough. The debt is better now than it was before. Japan is paid off. Credit cards are ever-shrinking. But even so, this is going to be a huge undertaking, and I'm getting prepared to make sacrifices to get myself on the right path.

One thing that will lend itself to this is selling the Saab. It remains in the garage, awaiting its new owner. I have re-listed it on Craigslist, and suddenly received two interested parties within one day. I'm showing it tonight, and hopefully again tomorrow. I've lowered the price, and am hoping for the best. The sale would move my plans for the condo forward quickly. Plus I'm just tired of selling the damn thing.

Tonight after showing the Saab, I'll be brewing some more Aught~5 with Mike, Matt, and Sean. So far we've lost more batches than we've saved. Hopefully our skills are being fine-tuned with passing time, and there is tasty brew ahead.

13-MAY-2005

I've been walking and in good spirits as of late. Mostly because I can walk. It's amazing how much your perspective can change when you're no longer forced to lay staring at a ceiling for days on end. I am happy.

I made the trip up to Oskosh this past weekend, it will be my last until Mo returns to school next semester. She will be back in Milwaukee for now, and will then be taking leave for her fourth trip to Japan.

In the last few days I've picked up some interest in the Saab, which I had mostly forgotten about selling during my laying down phase. Money overall is good. The bonuses from work have been flowing steadily. The G4 came back from the eBay auction after it turned out the winner needed it to boot into OS 9. So I have that recovered and can sell it again anytime. I'll be ordering and receiving the G5 first however. Japan is paid off completely. WIth mostly everything caught up, debt being steadily paid off, and a G4 available to re-sell, I'm in good shape until the next unforeseeable catastrophe. Hopefully the Saab will sell soon.

Yesterday was my second sand volleyball match of the summer. We played better then last week, and we won. The team we played was also willing to stay after everyone else left and have another match. This was nice because the games can go fast, and all anyone really wants to do is play. When you're paying for it, and it goes fast, it can suck. Amanda asked me to join her Sunday night team at the same league, which I quickly accepted. I've since reflected on the growing physical demand of my weekends. Friday and Sunday will be sand volleyball, Saturday will be Jujutsu. I haven't been working out as much as I'd like to lately, so I'm glad in that sense. But 3 days in a row may get tough now and again. I think I'm up to it though.

Mo came to watch the match, and after we went out to Baker's for some tasty pie. We finished the night with some Simpsons. Start to finish, it was a great day.

09-MAY-2005

There was more than one occasion when the doctor said "This is going to hurt." Each was followed by his best effort to not be made a liar. When I was done I was left lying in yet another hospital bed, shaking, freezing, dazed and confused. My back was the source of indescribable pain, and each of my arms had tubes coming out of them. I was later told that the general trembling could be attributed to loss of blood along with the IV hooked into my left arm, pumping cool fluid into my system to help re-hydrate me.

The procedure that prefaced all this went as follows.

Unlike the spinal tap, where I had been required to lay on my stomach, the blood patch went like so: I sat up, and dangled my feet over the edge of the bed. I was given a pillow to place on my lap and hug for support. A needle was shoved into my right wrist which would hopefully draw blood to be used for the patch. No such luck. After the first "This is going to hurt.", it turned out I just wasn't bleeding on the right that day. The tube which connected the overly lengthy needle which was now entirely buried beneath my skin was capped off, taped to my arm and was allowed to remain there while the doctor and nurse went searching for blood in my left arm. The left was not quite as painful, and was also ready and willing to bleed. Once again the length of the needle insane, and ran its way down my arm through my vain and under my skin. Once I was hooked up, I remained sitting up and crouching into a sort-of fetal position while attention was once again given to my lower back at the base of my spine. The injection for the numbing agent was once again quite painful, followed of course by the 18-gauge needle that was now carrying the blood from my arm and injecting it into a spinal hole that was hopefully just starting to heal. The following sensations followed. My arms and hands fell asleep. Not in any normal "needle-tingly" kind of way. The feeling was intense, and extremely disturbing. That sensation spread eventually to my neck and head. Little time passed before I myself was ready to pass out. Vision was distorted. Feeling in arms and legs had been replaced by a somewhat violent needle sensation that began to make me feel my limbs were being removed. I was trembling, and aching desperately to fall over to my side so that I could lay there helpless. The pressure that I felt at the base of spine, which was not blocked out by the numbing agent was very sharp, and spread at times to nerves in my legs and feet. Every moment began to feel as though my body was being taken apart one nerve at a time. Breathing became strenuous. I was close to my breaking point, and I knew movement would only make the doctors job harder. And could put me in danger of paralysis. At the last moment I could take it, he said he was done.

The nurse helped me slowly lower down onto my side, and eventually over onto my back. My fingertips tingled. My feet weren't even there as far as I could tell. My eyes felt like they had sunk into my head. They darted around for something to look at, lids heavy and half closed. My arms were stained with betadyne. Tubes and tape covered me. I was trembling. Another hole in my spine.

Today is the 8th. That was the 4th. I've been walking for 3 days now. It's amazing how good it feels just to feel good. On day 2 I played sand volleyball, which was very difficult but still felt good. Yesterday I went back to jujutsu, which had mixed results. I felt very good for getting back, and the stretching alone made my back feel better. But one lesson exhausted me. I have three make-ups as a result of my hospital adventures, but at least I'm back on track.

03-MAY-2005

It's hard to find a comfortable position to type in these days. Even with the aid of my cherished PowerBook, I find myself able only to mutter out a sentence and a half before something hurts. Today's favorites include head, neck, and back. Lower back to be more specific, say right around the same spot where they stuck me only 4 days ago. As of this moment I'm laying on my back, PowerBook on top of me, arms outstretched and eyes barely able to look down enough to see the screen. For the last 3 days, I've attempted with all of my available effort to go to work. On the first of these attempts, I made it two hours before I used sick time and left. On the second, one hour and forty-five minutes. Then I left. Yesterday was Monday, which in my work week is Friday. I made it to 12:30, which is two hours short of my entire work day. Now, this sounds like an improvement over the previous attempts, but I had help. Lunch, as well as not one, but two back-to-back hour-long meetings were part of my schedule. Lunch was spent mostly in the quiet room, which is the company's reclining chair facility, accessible by valued employees such as myself. For each of the meetings I was allowed to remain laying down on the floor. Had I been expected to remain upright for the duration of those meetings, I surely would have passed out. It's times like these that it's unfortunate I love my job. I'm missing work and spending the extra time in excruciating pain. Not exactly a win-win.

Today, there is potential hope for good news. As a result of my ongoing pain, I did what I should have done yesterday or maybe even the day before. Call my doctor back. Only after wishing I was dead several times, and after the continuous urging from both my girlfriend and my mother, did I do just that. I'm scheduled to return to the hospital's aptly named pain center tomorrow to receive a blood patch. Now, as with the "lumbar puncture", I required an explanation. Essentially, a blood patch will involve having blood drawn from my body, and then re-injected under the skin in the area where they tapped me 4 days ago. This will somehow act as an artificial seal over the hole in my back. The result should be less spinal fluid leakage, and therefore no more pain. Just like patching a flat. I assume nothing can go wrong, but given my recent medical track record, I'll expect something horrible to happen. Once again, you'll have my take on the whole damn thing as soon as I get through it all.

At this point I would like to flash back to a happier time. Thursday night, the night before I went out to get poked in the spine. On whatever Thursdays we all have available, Mike, Matt B., Sean and myself take it upon our selves to brew another tasty creation for our home-based brewery, Aught~5. This may be our duty as beer lovers, this may be our duty as residents of Milwaukee. This may simply be a way of drinking good beer at a better price. We don't know. But one thing is for sure. So far, so good. This Thursday's creation is a Scottish Ale called Mercury Brew. While there was a setback, my hopes are high for an incident-free batch. Mike has recently launched our new Aught~5 website. There is much work to be done, as there is with our product. But hobbies like this are way too fun to not launch a corresponding website. At least that's how us geeks see it. Here's to less pain, more beer, and better days ahead.

30-APR-2005

Hospitals are cold, creepy, and uninviting. They do not feature sexy nurses willing to take the edge off. Nor do they house witty receptionists who used to be on Parker Lewis Can't Lose. I spent several hours contemplating yesterday that my primary opinion on this place was formed exclusively by television. Between considering what underwear I wanted these people to see me in, and the ride home several hours later, the procedure itself was only 10 minutes long. During the "not so bad" phase I went through while I was allowing the doctor to collect fluid from my spine, I assumed that if I had ended up taking a sick day for no real reason, I would be awake at home watching Matlock and not wanting to. And, probably wishing I was doing something else like getting a spinal tap. It's amazing how easy it is for me to waste time when I have nothing to do with it. And how easy it is for me to come up with better things to do when I'm staring at an unfamiliar ceiling.

Now, since I was told by one doctor that I would be in and out with a band-aid, and told I would be down for the count for hours by another, I wasn't sure what to expect. When it was all said and done, I felt weak and groggy. The intense headaches that I was supposed to get everytime I stood up never came. I spent the rest of the afternoon sleeping anyway, feeling generally horrible. After sleeping for seven hours, and being somewhat impatient and stupid, I went out to see Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Mostly because I didn't get the headaches I was supposed to when sitting up, and I was tired of laying around. I made it through the movie with a ride there and back, thanks to Scott and Morgan. The total group of people who all joined in to venture to the theater was 16 or 17 I think, I can't remember. But it was over-joyous to be part of another group movie outing. Good movies and good people so rarely come together these days.

Today I went to work, then left 2 hours later. This was because of two things. First, I discovered I have more sick time available than I thought I did. Second, the pounding, debilitating headaches that didn't come last night, came today. Sitting upright is murder, and therefore I am spending the day in bed wishing I was more useful. I'm weak, tired, seemingly always hungry, my head is pounding, and my lower back feels like I had one of those data ports blown into it from eXistenZ. Previous plans for today included Jujutsu and maybe some condo talk with Jenny. But I'm sure I'll be missing both.

28-APR-2005

The good news is, when the doctor said "eye doctors cheat", he was referring to both the fact that they normally dialate your eyes so they can take a peek in there, and the fact that he was not going to do this himself. The bad news is, he decided I should have a spinal tap done tomorrow. Now, rewind my life 2 days. I was told that due to sudden blurred vision and headaches, that a lumbar puncture was the only way to be absolutely certain that pressure mounting in my brain would not lead to more severe problems later on, including possible blindness. Now, perhaps I'm naive, but at that exact moment I had no idea what a lumbar puncture was. Perhaps when they changed the name from spinal tap to lumbar puncture, I was distracted by the "H" that at one point snuck into "ADHD". When did all this happen? If Rob Reiner had named Spinal Tap "Lumbar Puncture" instead, it wouldn't have sounded so badass. It's lame. If I'm gonna have to have someone stick a needle into my spine, It's gonna be way cooler to say "I had a spinal tap this morning", then to have to explain what the hell a lumbar puncture is to the rest of the updated-medical-terminologically challenged.

On that note, I'm not exactly looking forward to tomorrow morning. Although I've heard it's not the talked-up hella-pain that it is supposed to be, I still think about the procedure itself and come up with various other wholesome activities I'd rather be involved with. That said, I'll have the full report tomorrow.

25-APR-2005

Yesterday while getting ready to enter the freeway and head home from work, I had the fairly rare experience of witnessing a traffic collision. The unrestrained stupidity of the driver at fault was simply staggering. After the initial concern that everyone was ok had passed, I began to remember how I felt after stupidity came across my path and smashed my Mazda seven years ago. In the short, not getting too boring written version, yesterday's event involved a red Buick and a black Ford Focus sedan. The Buick was driven by a single woman, probably late 20's to early 30's. The Ford appeared to be an older or possibly elderly couple. I was in a left turn only lane, behind a large pickup that I could not see around. The Buick very quickly veered out of the lane to our right, which was a thru traffic only lane, and cut quickly in front of the pickup. The pickup was waiting to turn left and was not turning due to oncoming traffic from the opposite direction. After the Buick slid across its lane and in front of the truck, it was obvious she had missed her turn and was going to cut off the truck to make a left turn across him and get on the freeway. For only an instant, she remained protruding in front of the truck, half way to the other side of the median, angled to the left and ready to shoot across traffic as soon as the opportunity allowed. I guess she was in a hurry. After that instant had passed, she gunned it to try and make the turn. To the right of my vision was the Buick, to the left was an onslaught of oncoming cars. In the middle was the back of the pickup that blocked me from seeing the whole thing. I heard her take off, I heard the Ford squeeling to a hault. I heard the collision, which sounded very impressive. And I saw each vehicle spin across to the left side of my vision and slow to crumpled stop. The Buick rolled over toward my car and stopped within five or six feet of my driver door. She was already on her cell phone, I assume she had been on it the whole time. Nothing like multitasking while attempting a dangerous manuver. The elderly couple remained in their Ford and seemed to be talking. So as nasty as it sounded, I presumed that everyone was basically ok. I pulled over, called 911, and went home. I was anxious to see my Mo before she headed back to Oshkosh.

The very night before that was the Kill Bill marathon at Eric's house. WIthout sounding like a real bastard, I can honestly say that once again Eric and Eriq have thrown a bad-ass event. A lot of really great people showed up to celebrate the carnage as The Bride moved her way down her Kill List Five. Lots of great discussion, chillin', eating delicious Chinese takeout from East Garden, and viewing hilarious miscellaneous internet fare were all on the nights list of activities. Thank you extensively to everyone who showed up for a great time, and to Eric for once again opening his doors to the posse. Thanks also go out to Rachel B2. for bringing the super-good pasta salad. Get ready for the ultimate anime-lovers dream, the next event is already in the works... (and yes I know three Rachels. Two have the last initial B.)

Today is Monday, which makes it my weekend. Plans will exclude Oshkosh so that I can go to the doctor for the monthly drug-a-thon. I'll be happy when my obligation to that is over in two months. After that I'm practicing Jujutsu with Scott, and hopefully getting some junk cleaned up around here. As I tend to try and arrange on my weekends.

I've sent the order for the G5. I've got most of my taxes back, which are covering Japan and then some. I'm down to a fairly controllable amount of financial obligations. Here's to progress.

20-APR-2005

After my short self-torture binge, I quickly decided to run up to Oshkosh this weekend to see Melissa. I was not intending to originally, but I'm very glad that I did. I had a great time with her, and the sudden spell of summery weather made both days even nicer. We ended up eating out at Fratelli's, which I highly recommend. It's a restaurant / brewery, and you can order a sampler platter of every beer they brew. Obviously I had to go easy since I'm still doped up for the next couple months, but it was tasty. Try their stout and their lager if you're ever in the neighborhood.

Last weekend - the real weekend, not my weekend - was Ian, Michelle and Cheryl's Super Heroes & Super Villains party. Me and Mo did our best super hero in disguise costumes and had a good time with all the other costume-clad peeps. We couldn't stay long, cause I had to work the next day. But it was nice to run into a few old friends. Thanks to the former MICE for throwing a great shin-dig.

I have received a quote for the new G5. I'm not at work today so I'll need to get it signed tomorrow, and then file it. At that point it should be a couple weeks until it's delivered to me. I'm currently being held-over by my G4 400, as the dual 1.25 has been sold on eBay. Once I'm back in the modern age, I can put this G4 up for sale as well, and help offset the initial cost of the G5. Taxes are on their way back to me as well, which are not only going to cover the remaining amount I owe on the Japan trip, but will have some leftover as well. While these things have not happened yet, they are happening. I'm feeling better because of it. All I really have left is to sell the Saab and I'm going to be feeling a lot better overall.

18-APR-2005

Somehow my overall mood keeps swinging. I'm moving between energetic and committed to fixing my surroundings, and down-and-out with no ambition to even care. In the last few days I've have some bad moments, and I've had one of the best moments in my life. Evenly divided, I'd say my life remains in the struggle for neutral.

The idea that things are all going to be fine one day is no longer in the forefront of my daily thoughts. Most days that go well are easily interrupted by a simple problem that quickly becomes "one more thing" to add to the pile and worry about. The end, which is already nowhere in sight, somehow gets further and further away as the random little pressures of life continue to mount. In short, I feel completely worn down.

15-APR-2005

Yesterday I asked for $100 in cash back at the bank. After the clerk laid down 2 twenty dollar bills, he included a $100 bill as an added bonus, then quickly covered it up with 2 more twenties without noticing the error. He was too busy counting to 100 that he didn't realize I was ahead $80 at this point. I looked at him funny for an instant, and he started to question whether he had short changed me. I contemplated for a fraction of an instant collecting my bonus and saying thank you upon exiting. Instead I rejected the opportunity for bad karma, pointed out the mistake and exchanged the tempting $100 bill for a $20. In retrospect, it would have been nice to offset some of those recent overdraft fees that wiped me out for half a month, most of which the bank opted not to credit. But things are going better overall since that little disaster. The computer is sold, and I deposited my paycheck without a negative incident yesterday. Tomorrow my taxes will be finalized, better late than never. The additional time taken this year is due to GymCharts.com being officially folded by myself and Susie. The loss we are each taking has upped our returns, but also required additional time to calculate and process.

The car remains for sale, and received an interested party yesterday, but it ended with "we'll think about it" and has yielded no further results. My next step will be to take out an ad in the paper, as my current advertising is limited to flyers and craigslist.com.

The new computer has become more involved a decision than I assumed it would. Now that I have the G4 sold, and have not only paid several bills off with it, but have left enough to make the needed down payment on the G5, I am wondering how to approach it. I can get a good G5, or a great G5, with minimal difference in price. I can get a Mac mini to hold me over for about 10 weeks or so, then sell it for every penny it's worth, putting that as well as what I've saved toward a G5, effectively lowering the payments on the G5. I would have no problem using a mini for that period of time even though I wouldn't be able to do any work on the cartoon yet. It would still be a great machine for a temporary situation. So far the verdict overall is just go for the less expensive of the two G5s. We shall see...

This past mid-week weekend was spent partially in Oshkosh with Mo. We went about our usual fun and watched Battle Royal finally. I can't say I know why I didn't get to that earlier. Excellent movie. We had some birthday breakfast at IHOP, and didn't get time for pie. But these things happen. Tonight she will be in town for the sure-to-be swinging Superheroes and Super villains party, hosted by former MICE Ian, Michelle, and Cheryl. I look forward to social goodness, it's been awhile since I left the east side for my temporary holdover in the suburbs. I'm sure I'll be tired tomorrow to say the least, but I expect it will be worth while.

Post party plans will include hanging out some more with Mo for the real weekend, which will include a fresh head shave for myself. Jujutsu as usual and hopefully some Peaks, although I believe Jenny will be out of town so that may fall through. Volleyball will be the third-to-last game of the season, but I've already signed up for a summer sand league with some friends. I can't wait to get my feet dirty, and for summer in general.

06-APR-2005

This weekend felt good. Although I was not able to make the trip to Oshkosh, I did spend my time wisely. More needed cleaning was accomplished. More trips to the dump with car loads of things I will never need and should have eliminated 4 houses ago. More organizing and more efforts toward selling both the car and the computer to help correct my current setback. Somehow the onset of that issue has effected me less than it should have. I'm obviously distressed and basically fucked, but things are in place to aid my recovery. I will prevail.

Other things in life are getting caught up too. The 3 jujutsu lessons I missed for various reasons, including two trips to Chicago have nearly been recovered. Only one make-up to go. I've moved on from one potential roommate option to another, and plans continue to consider moving this summer, although due to recent events I expect a move will now take place later than originally planned.

Mike, Matt B. and myself took the first step in creating our much delayed light saber test battle a few days ago. The props that we built managed to withstand the beating during filming. And despite only medium quality footage and lackluster sword skills, our initial video is now edited. It's currently waiting for an "easy" way to insert the proper light effects to reveal itself to us. Mike's and my initial attempt was extremely tedious and time consuming, with unacceptable results. Aside from that challenge remaining ahead, the return to uber-geek mode via video project was a welcome exercise. Hopefully the momentum of one finished project will move us forward in our continuing attempt at creativity.

I received some sad news the other day. Thai Kitchen may be considerably closer to closing its doors than originally thought. My only efforts to send business that way were word-of-mouth recommendations. That was when I thought there were at least two years remaining. Now it may be down to months, and I feel generally bad because I not only know people who work there and own the restaurant, but I love to eat there and sincerely think everyone should get off their asses and have some damn good Thai food. But that's me. Like I've said before, head down and try the Pad Thai before it's gone.

Today is my Monday. I have nothing to do after work today so I'm going to continue my weekend where I left off, fixing my surroundings. Every time I get something done that feels like a step in the right direction, two things happen. The first is that I feel an increasing desire to keep going and keep repairing everything in my life that requires attention. The second is that something comes along to derail me, almost as if something good is not allowed to happen to me. Or I can't make any progress without an additional obstacle presenting itself. It's very depressing, to say the least.

03-APR-2005

My first flat tire ever was yesterday morning as I left for work. Only 1600 miles into the life of the new car. It in itself is a minor setback in the great scheme of life and its various problems. However it came exactly at a time that prompted the "if there was a god he would hate me" theory to come rushing back full force to the forefront of my brain. Just the night before (the same night I probably ran over the bolt the took out my tire), I found out that I had made the most serious financial miscalculation that I can remember in my life. Without going into details that I am myself still trying to understand, I somehow managed to overdraft my account so many times in the past week and a half, that when I deposited my entire last paycheck it was already gone. Several bills to pay and a zero balance later, I am getting ready to sell my computer on eBay to un-fuck my situation. I can think of no other quick solution.

I still have the Saab in the shop, getting its final repairs completed to make it fit for selling. The last part has come in and should be installed tomorrow. After that it's officially for sale with hopefully a short wait until it's off my hands. Another financial worry I'm getting tired of quickly.

In response to the mounting pressure of the car repairs, my recent financial idiocy, and the bolt through my tire, I called in sick to work yesterday. I would have been late anyway due to the flat tire. I took the extra time to catch up on some needed sleep. I started getting the computer backed up and prepared for selling. I also took out a little bit of my stress with 3 back-to-back jujutsu classes. Another aspect of my life that is suffering slightly right now. I'm in pain today as a result, and I intend to push it further tonight with volleyball. Sometimes hurting myself is the only thing that makes me feel better.

After work today Mike, Matt B., and myself will be shooting our test video project in the park. I don't think Mike or I have actively involved ourselves in a video project since high school, and it's a hobby I dearly miss. Between the hardware and software that is collectively possessed between the 3 of us, it is nearly inexcusable that we have not put any effort toward a creative project of some kind. It is also, along with our so-far successful stab at home beer brewing, one of our goals for the year.

21-MAR-2005

I guess I would call life busy right now. The Saab is fixed up to the point where it drives. I still need to replace the infamous O2 sensor and get an alignment. Then it's time to place the ad and get it out of the garage. The Subaru is performing nicely, and last week took Melissa and myself to Chicago and back for our personal poor-man's vacation. For the first night down we met up with Matty-J, and got to see his place for the first time. As well as experience his new neighborhood. We got a view from the top of the Sears Tower, passed through Millennium Park and had more than one good meal at the Deluxe Diner (highly recommended). Matty-J was kind enough to put us up in his new pad for night one. Night two was the random hotel followed by a day of IKEA and Mitsuwa, the key attractions of the Schaumburg area. Before we knew it, it was all over. But our road trip was a success overall, with needed relaxation and much sleeping in accounted for.

This "weekend" I am staying in. No trip to Oshkosh, but I'll see Mo again for her birthday this weekend. I'm planning on spending the free time getting a lot of things done that have been sliding lately. I've got tons of work to do before I move again this summer. I basically have lots to clean up before I get on with my life. As I've been down this path before, I'll not set my expectations too high. But the list of things I need to get done is long. So I'll need all the time I can get.

08-MAR-2005

Once upon a time, I was happy with my car. Despite sinking large amounts of money into it on two occasions nearly back to back, not actually having that money to begin with, and growing more and more worried that a new problem would suddenly arise, I was happy with it. It was still a vey nice car, with tons of toys and options and gizmos, and great bass too. The mafia-size trunk came in handy on more than several occasions, the seat heaters kept countless asses over the winter months nice and toasty, and the turbo charger made acceleration a constant, seemingly pulling and pulling until 100 MPH felt like 45. Smooth action as they say. Despite the sudden rash of major and semi-major engine issues that took my wallet and my tolerance to the limit, it was driving beautifully with the recent repairs completed, every aspect of piloting the vehicle feeling as if it were new again. I felt good and secure once again.

That ended 3 days ago. Saturday I had few things to do. Drive downtown to Jujutsu, drive home. Then, pick up Mo and head back downtown to Eric and Sam's Mingle Fest 2005. The ignition fired up rapidly and I made the first trip. Back to back Jujutsu classes later, it fired up and I drove home. 30 minutes later after a shower and a sandwich, there's no spark. Won't start. Dead. No obvious reason. No symptoms displayed earlier. Nothing. Saab: "Welcome to the state of Fucked."

I decided quickly that was the third strike for my continually struggling vehicle, and following the needed repairs and a quick wash, it is officially for sale. In a rash and somewhat anger-based decision, I bought a new car last night. It's a Subaru, and despite its lack of heated seats and excess bass and trunk space, it did start up on command this morning, allowing me to go about my daily business worry-free. I am also for the first time in my driving life protected by a full warranty. Effectively allowing me the piece of mind I need in a vehicle right now. This will be my first chance to baby a car from mile one, as opposed to my previous two, where I started the babying at 60,000 miles.

At this point my monthly is lower. My concern will be in four years when I need to bite down and finance the buy-out, since mileage fees will be "outer-space", as the girls at volleyball sometimes say. I'll worry about that more as it gets closer. For now, I'm good.

26-FEB-2005

After an excessive customs-related backorder, I finally got my copy of the Sorry Everybody book from Hylas Publishing. I was disappointed that neither of the photos I submitted were published, but there was a whole country out there to compete with (well, half of one anyway), and it's a great volume overall. I enjoyed all of the contributions.

As far as books that I actually need to read to enjoy, I'm making slow progress on the Japan book Mo has lent me. I tend to make slow progress on pretty much any book, but that's my problem. I'm spending more time trying to keep my nose in at least one book nowadays. My previous habit of keeping it in five at a time and never finishing any of them has mostly faded.

Today I added 3 hours of overtime to my day to contribute to my money stockpile. This months revenue post-eBay and other contributing factors was awesome. I'm making progress in all areas slowly but surely. I'm happy just for that, as only months ago I was essentially crippled by circumstance. The extensive changes made to my life since then are proving to pay off.

Yesterday, I am pleased to report, I worked out for the first time in over 2 months. Not including Jujutsu or volleyball. I finally returned to Bally's for the pain that drives me. I pushed myself so hard that I'm regretting it today. I've never gone so far with the exception of the personal trainer days, when every muscle cried for mercy, and simply reaching for a seatbelt was enough to make me wish I'd never touched a shoulder press. In short, I feel damn good.

20-FEB-2005

The other day my first check from the EriqX[agora] arrived, and it was enough to fill my tank with gas. Not exactly a full time business, but I was pleased. And every little bit helps. The eBay project has shown itself to be lucrative thus far, with a few hundred dollars closing the other day and about one hundred ready to close in a few more. I expect it will be up even more by then. Mike and Matt B. made out as well, with 3 computers sold between the two of them. I'll be putting my G4 400, the former Dragonfly, up when Melissa is done with it later on. Until then, I'll be paying off a few more small piles of debt that still surround me.

This weekend I will be spending at doctor appointments and not making the trip to Oshkosh. I got to see Mo this past weekend and our schedules are not in favor of a visit this week. I'll take the extra time to finish up most of my post-move clutter issues, and keep up on the eBay business. I'm already feeling the breathing space increase around me, as if eliminating my physical items is in direct relation to some form of long-harbored stress. Obviously my other recent and more noticable life changes have applied to this, but the more the merrier.

My fingers hurt today. There was a valuable lesson learned in Jujutsu yesterday, and I'm glad I've learned it. I've had Japan on my mind often lately, and any info assimilated in class is going to guide my experience there, which I intend to make a great and memorable one. I've also enlisted Mo, who has already begun schooling me in some very basic Japanese phrases. Little is sticking now, but I will continue to the best of my ability.

15-FEB-2005

The eBay action is in place, and for a change I feel like I'm getting some things done. I've currently listed 16 auctions, some mine and others not. But even so money is coming in, in addition to my most recent paycheck which was suspiciously large. Other useful and random sources for income include the security deposit from the MICE Haus which is due back in several days, and taxes. These plus a hopefully continued effort on eBay will get me to Japan in October and nail some of my debt down. I'm saving a lot and spending little these days. I hope to be in pretty good shape in a matter of months.

Last week Mike, Matt B. and myself tried our first batch of Aught 5. The results were not good, in the sense that it was far too bubbly. The taste however, was pleasing. So there is just some fine-tuning to be done, and I expect good results. It was, after all, our first batch.

This past Saturday, Mike, Jessica, Brittain, Matty-J, Mo, Kira, Baker, Scott and myself had a happy coffee evening at Zebb's. It seems like it's been a while since I started my new schedule that I've just had an old-fashioned hang-out. It was a really great time and I hope there will be time for many more.

I am now on 'my' weekend, and have recently returned from Oshkosh, and Mo's company. I managed to squeeze what felt like days into only hours of time together. We finally got back to Firefly, and also found a super cool bar / grille, Razz Ma Tazz, which seved up the greatest garlic cheese bread ever. The portabella burger was insanely tasty as well. Now that I think back... I didn't have the inkling to order a frothy beer with my awesome food. In contrast to the previous mention of trying our first batch of Aught 5, I must say that once you've been not drinking for so damn long, you're pretty much done. Either that, or the threat of total liver destruction when mixed with potent prescription medication. Either way.

04-FEB-2005

My long and painful move is over. I'm currently living amongst my own clutter in the basement. I'm feeling very tired, and very disorganized. I've only recently reached the point where I'm finding short bursts of time that I can spend relaxing and recovering. This will include this evening, I plan on going to sleep very early for sake of health and sanity.

Things I'm focusing on now include getting my new phone working. The change over between carriers has proven to be relentlessly annoying, thanks in part to continuing errors on both ends of the deal. WIth a little luck, I'll be able to receive phone calls by this coming Monday. I doubt I'll be that lucky however. The last several weeks can attest to that.

On the productive end of things, Mike, Matt B, Sean and myself have officially brewed and bottled our own beer using a home kit. This marks one of the few things we have actually set out to do - and actually done. Next stop film projects and a successful side business, as opposed to the many failed attempts under the belt.

As of last week, Mo and I are officially on our once a week schedule. I traveled to Oshkosh this past Monday to spend only a few hours inbetween classes and sleeping. The minimal time spent is difficult, and it will remain so for the rest of the semester. My schedule is also preventing me from making a welcome journey down to Matty-J's new pad.

In the next few days I'll be working on setting up my old G4 (former Dragonfly) for Mo to use for a few weeks. I'll be setting up several auctions for eBay, which is hopefully going to add to my recent burst of financial stability. Matt B, Mike and Scott will be getting together next week for an eBay party. Sounds lame, but if the four of us stick it out we will be happy when tons of our crap is sold and money is coming in. At least that's the plan.

29-JAN-2005

As is the tradition with all of my previous moves, I'm still making trips back to the old house to tidy up. The move started Tuesday, it is now Saturday. I still have tomorrow and Monday to finish up. The heavy lifting is done, but a few loose ends alway seem to pop up. This is somewhat the fault of my usual clutter, but also due in part to a few remaining large objects that each take the full car load and essentially monopolize one complete trip. Examples would be the bike, the grill, etc. Today I have stuffed the car yet again with random items that I have vowed to sort and be rid of. I then squeezed in a jujutsu class, where I believe I left behind my ID badge for work. This means I will have to sneak into the building tomorrow, hopefully I'll be able to go back and recover it tomorrow.

If that mission is successful, I will proceed to the MICE Haus once again, as even more random junk awaits transportation. I may have to put in two trips tomorrow just to get it over with. Then it's volleyball to ease me into "Friday". Monday I'm off to Oshkosh for a very short visit with Melissa / Mo. Our schedules are soon to be in conflict as a result of my new job and her new semester starting. We will make the best of it though.

As much as I have going on, I'll be writing about it later. This site has fallen behind in steady updates as a result of my adjusting to the new schedule, and the demand of the recent move on both my time and sanity. I'll be back up to speed as soon as possible.

21-JAN-2005

The past few days have been a bit of a roller-coaster ride for me. I have no complaints about the high parts, which mostly included my overly-comfortable and purely relaxing weekend. I spent every waking moment of it with Mo, getting all the little things done that I mentioned in the previous entry. The lunch plan was set, as it turned out. I just forgot what it was exactly. The two of us plus Amy and Joe went out to Japanica for lunch. I was very impressed, the food was excellent and the prices were good. During the meal I got myself into not one, but two possible web page jobs. Thai Kitchen needs an online menu, and my skills are novice enough that I could easily handle something that simple. Another opportunity may be a basic web-presence for a paintball business. Could be fun. After Japanica the four of us got dessert at Cold Stone Creamery, where I basically died happily and went to peanut butter heaven. The remainder of my and Mo's time was spent napping like lazy kids, watching Firefly and Brain Candy. As a quick exit from our time together, we stopped by Gothic Body for a quick nose piercing. This would be her second time around for the nose. It's no secret I'm a fan of mods either.

Following my mid-week weekend, Matt B, Mike and myself initiated Aught 5, our home beer brewing project. Thus far the needed equipment is in our hands, and the needed ingredients for our first batch of wiess beer are ready to go. We will set out in the coming weeks as our various schedules allow us to get together again. This project in itself is yet another extension of everyones desire to actually accomplish something with our spare time aside from paying bills. I'm looking forward to spending more time on interesting things that I can share with others. So far all of my solo art projects are being packed to sit unattended at yet another house.

At work I've finally moved from the temp desk I had to work from for my first two weeks out of training to a desk of my own. It's shared with a girl who has the opposite shift as me, but she went to high school with Ian and likes Hello Kitty. So I figure it's all good. In any case I feel like I can finally start moving in, so to speak.

Yesterday about 10 minutes after spending $30 on an oil change, a pully for my serpentine belt decided it was no longer willing to fight the good fight. It flew apart, leaving the belt to lay limp in the engine compartment, effectively shutting down my power steering mid-drive. Moments later the battery light was on, as the alternator was no longer able to charge it. I left the car at Matt B's overnight and borrowed Mike's Civic SI for the night. Today Mike and I drove the Saab to my mechanic, approximately 20 miles. One block from the shop I finally lost power to the breaks, the ABS system, the airbag. And I was running without heat in a 25 degree Wisconsin afternoon. Somehow the car made it and is now waiting for repair. I'm still in Mike's Civic, which he has very generously allowed me to continue borrowing. I'll probably be in it for a few more days. This little distraction was going to ruin my pre-move date next Tuesday. But Mo and I will be getting to work on that despite the setback, using her Step Dad's Jeep.

The overall episode with the Saab, and the fact that it happened almost immediately before I was planning to move out of my house with it, has pretty much set me off. Not only did I just fix it with money that was lent to me, but I don't have any more money now than I did then. I'm still transitioning both job and home, and things remain tight until I get things better settled. Throw in the meds that have since increased, causing intensely painful dry skin and various depressive side effects, and I can rely only on being in a bad mood overall. The fun weekend and brewing aside, I am finding it very difficult to focus on good things right now - even after a random "pay adjustment" was announced today at work. Basically it took me 2 months at my current job to exceed the percentage of raises and overall income after 2 years at the previous job.

That said, there are still good things going on. And I know it. I just won't be happy until the pain of moving is behind me, and I'm driving my own car again.

15-JAN-2005

I am 11 days from my move date and there is much to be done. Essentially, there is all to be done. I don't feel nearly as prepared for this move as I have been in the past. And that says a lot since I'm not exactly one to smoothly transition between homes. Which in itself is curious since I do it so often. This will be my 8th. Before those 11 days are up I need to not only start and finish packing up my junk at home, but finish cleaning out the bedroom at my parents house. Then I have to secure the truck, a storage space, and at least one other person to help me do some lifting. In short, moving sucks.

I had some good news about my little violation the other day. The lawyers who very generously went to battle for me - my sincere thanks to them and to Sarita for that - have sealed the deal. If I stay clean for another 9 months, which shouldn't be too hard, I get everything dropped, cleared, and I get my money back. I can't complain. I got to jump through a banner and tell a bunch of ignorant fucks exactly what they were, knock one of them over and I'm getting my money back. Life is good sometimes.

At this moment I'm getting ready to crash, something I'm usually doing just as I decide to update the site. Tomorrow is Sunday, which is the work week equivalent of Thursday. Sunday's however, being Sunday to everyone else, are slow at work and therfore are relaxing and enjoyable. Not that I'm not enjoying work on an average day, it's just nice to slow down a bit sometimes.

After my work week is over Monday, I'll be getting together with Mo for a handful of nerdy fun things. If time allows there will be work done on her site, we'll catch some more Firefly and have time for Brain Candy. Not to mention Twin Peaks if remotely possible. Concrete plans include going out with Mo's friend Amy... but we don't know exactly what's going on yet. It will be fun whatever it is though. Between all that excitement and the packing and cleaning i should be doing, my weekend is looking packed as usual.

10-JAN-2005

It seems like so much has happened in a week. I don't think I'll remember it all. I guess overall it breaks down to work as usual, a good party, and the upcoming move.

Essentially, I'm waiting to have a bad day at work. Every day so far has been so above and beyond expectations that I can only assume it's a matter of time before I'm grounded back in reality. Something has to happen to remind me that this is, after all, a job. But yet no such thing seems to be anywhere near. I'm only a week out of training and today was my first overtime day. They offered double-pay per hour this week, so I took it. Pretty soon I'm going to remember what the Toyota days were like. That is to say the days when I was actually making money that I could spend.

This past Saturday I worked. Then I went to Jujutsu and found out that I won't be choked very easily. After that I reunited with Mo for a few moments, as she had just landed from a week in Florida hours earlier. We went to Matty-J's where a handful of people gathered for his going away party. As usual the social atmosphere was excellent and I enjoyed all the elements. Despite a strong desire to remain, Mo and I retired early due to my early work schedule. Everything has its downside.

As with every move in recent memory, which is a lot, I'm getting prepared slower than I would like to be. My perpetual collection of art projects in progress is a nasty bit of cargo to run from home to home without every working on them in between. With my new afternoon-free schedule I'm hoping to be able to change that. But time will tell.

At this moment, it's Monday night. My "weekend" starts now. I'll spend the first part of Tuesday getting more things ready for the move. I'll spend the last part in Oshkosh with Mo. Before I know it, it will be back to work.

03-JAN-2005

This past weekend was an excellent New Year's Eve. I picked up Mo at her Mom's house and met her for the first time. It was one of those cutesy steps in the relationship that was bound to happen. From there we joined Ian, Becky, Scott, Mandy and Brian at Noodles and had some tastey carbs before setting out. Mo, Becky and I went out to Eric's party at Landmark on the Lake. It was a swinging good time but we were only there to stop by. After a drink for everyone and Squirt for me, we made our way to Mike and Jessica's New Year's bash. As with all of the past years I can remember, an excellent evening was generously hosted by Mike and Jess. Lots of good peeps (some I can't mention due to reader conflict, Read: *Censored*), good kissin, and good drinkin were spread around. My thanks of course to Mike and Jess.

Following the party, 7 of us resumed the social atmosphere after briefly crashing (or in Mo and my case, pretending to crash). We all had breakfast at Vicki's Restaurant. I filled myself up on some cream cheese stuffed strawberry french toast that was less than what it sounds like. The group parted and Mo and I crashed for real. Then woke to celebrate our one month at Thai Kitchen. I might add, go to Thai Kitchen! Mo's friend's family owns it and it's beyond the realm of fucking delicious. Go there and eat - Eriq sent you!

Today was day 2 of work without restraints. Not too bad I must say. I'm off tomorrow and Wednesday. I'll be spending my time cleaning out the parents house for my up and coming layover there. Mo is in Florida for the week, and I've got tons to do before moving. I'm starting out the new year all crazy like. Wish me luck.