EriqX / Journal 2009

04-OCT-2009 - Aftermath

The time has finally arrived. It is now post-Japan, and post-Indiana. I traveled to Portage, IN after returning from Japan to stand up in Matty-J's wedding. The time allotted for composing my jet-lagged self was limited, but things worked out in the end. It was a great wedding and another great road-trip/weekend for myself and Meg. I had long since planned that once these events were completed, I would buckle down tackle some pending issues. Debt is the primary issue at hand, and I've written about it more than enough here to need to reiterate. Suffice to say, playtime is over for a little while.

Japan, on the other hand, was nothing but playtime. Pictures will be posted in time. For the moment, I can say that I've never had a better two weeks in my life. Meg and I hit the streets every single morning, basically picked a direction and started walking. We found all the mom and pop coffee shops, ice cream stands, and other assorted discoveries. I got a tattoo in Kyoto as my ultimate Japanese souvenir. We rented bikes and peddled all around the city. I could not have had a better time.

Looking back, this year has been little more than an ongoing and steady preparation for the Japan trip. Every moment leading up to it was spent saving and preparing. Now that it's done, I'm still paying it off while wrestling with the usual woes of life. I'm not going to pretend things right now are easy in any way, they are quite the opposite. But I'm enjoying life for the most part, despite obstacles presented by finances, as well as emotional entanglements that will always be kept close to the surface. In the end, I'm glad I have the ability to make the time for opportunities like traveling and seeing the world. As hard as it may be to accomplish comfortably in my current position, it's well worth it.

07-SEP-2009 - All Things

It seems the very short list of entries on this page are soon to become an archive filed under "2009". This year has moved as fast as updates have been slow. Last I wrote, Japan was 6 months away. It is now 4 days away. My almost-year-long goal of saving up for it and being ready for it was routinely derailed by circumstance.

My house was burglarized, and my 50" plasma television was carefully removed from the wall and shuffled out the door. Luckily I'm still paying for it, and as a result the prospect of replacing it quickly is impossible. Especially when all available funds need to go toward the Japan trip. My insurance deductible costs as much as the TV did, so I'm not pursuing it in that direction either.

I bought a second vehicle a few months ago, a 2002 Subaru Forester. My intention at the time was to sell my '05 Impreza, and downgrade to the Forester. The difference owed on the Impreza and what it's bluebook value is would have paid for the majority of the Forester. The lack of a monthly car payment going forward would have supplemented Japan to an extent, and helped to make that expense less brutal on my overall finances. The plan was a complete failure however, as I am currently the proud owner of not one, but two perfectly good Subarus. One is in the garage, hardly ever driven. The other is my daily driver, but not my only vehicle as it was intended to be. The asking price on the Impreza has dropped again and again, with no interest. To add mildly to this fun, the driver-side rearview mirror was knocked off the Forester a few nights ago. A used mirror from a junkyard is $150, which is not something I can really contend with right now, when all my dollars need to be yen, no matter how few they may be.

I've been keeping myself busy with the house and the yard lately. Although not to the extent that I had once hoped for this summer. The overall backyard project, which last year consisted of building the patio, and this year was to consist of building the trellis and the planters, is mostly on hold. A few months ago I got a call from WHEDA, which is the program that assisted me in buying the house. They had a number of requirements for me to meet at the time, which I did. As it turns out they had more that got overlooked. Three additional projects were added to my list, each that was required to be checked off by the Milwaukee Health Department. I've got two of them completed so far, with minimal expense. But the final is to remedy the paint which is peeling off the fascia and soffits of the roofline. Not only does this require a ladder much taller than I have, but a great amount of time and fair weather. I don't see the use in sanding and repainting, when I intend to side the house within the next year or two. So my thought was to simply wrap the soffits in aluminum siding. Why sand and paint all summer when it will be wrapped in siding eventually? May as well get it over with now. I've been receiving quotes higher than promised, and as of recently I've decided to take on the project myself. Materials and time are still going to run up a bill, but it's one of those things I have to do. Much like seemingly everything.

28-MAR-2009 - Planet Earth is Blue and There's Nothing I can Do

There is really too much to recount to actually bother. I probably can't even remember most of it to be honest. I've thrown two Twin Peaks marathons and an Ice Cream Social in the last several weeks. Mike and Jess threw a great BSG wrap-up party. I took a road trip to Cincinnati. I met a beautiful girl who has been able to help me a great deal with many things. I'm going to Japan this coming September. Mike and I knocked out the wall between my living room and the butterfly room.

That project is in the works still, and requires some attention. But I've been a bit wrapped up with some of the other things I already mentioned. Hopefully some pictures will be up in the projects section soon. It's been long and slow in between updates around here, and I know it.

I feel I should express my sentiments about the Twin Peaks marathons. This is only because for whatever reason I had some sort of emotional revelation afterward. The entire idea from the onset was basically ludicrous. Even for me. With nearly 27 hours of actual video to watch, attempting to get a large group of people together to sit through it, over the course of two days at a time, on two occasions, shouldn't even be attempted. It's a lot to ask from anyone, especially people who haven't seen or heard of the show, and who may not even like it. It could easily be regarded as a waste of a weekend. Or two weekends if they came back. When I did the Dune marathon, it was 10 hours of video in one day, with breaks and meals, etc. With Peaks we needed to start on a Saturday and then crash at the end of the night, waking up to continue Sunday. Somehow this all fell together with little fuss. Dani, Sarah, Lillian, Ariel, Dawn, Morgan, Meg and myself got it done. Most of us met up first for some Indian buffet, then got down to business. The 8 of us plowed through the first day with cooking breaks, coffee breaks and just general social interruptions. Everyone was happy and engaged. Everyone loved the show. Everyone enjoyed everyone's company and the undertaking in general. We slept and woke up and cooked breakfast, and got back to it. One of the first comments I got when we retired was that a month was too long to wait for the second half. In short, without continuing this any further than I already have... I was completely humbled by it all. It's amazing to me in a way I cannot express to have a group of friends like that. The entire experience from a social standpoint was beautiful and perfect. I appreciate more than I can say the company and friendship of the people in my life.

There's more. But I'm going to end there for now.

14-FEB-2009 - I Will Own This

Last year is bleeding, and my prints are on the knife. I've got massive weights tied around my ankles with razor wire. But I'm climbing out of the rut even so. I've become very happy about certain things. Even though I'll always be sad about other things, I'm finding balance. Optimism is dangerous. So for now, I'm living dangerously.

18-JAN-2009 - These are the Times

There is a certain eery quality to keeping a journal or a diary. Revisiting old and sometimes even forgotten events as recorded in your own words can be a unique experience. Sometimes unsettling. It's not that I've forgotten past events in my life, or people I've loved, or pain I've endured. It's just that some of those things are memories of feelings, and not necessarily the feelings themselves. I suppose that the capacity for long-term memory in the human mind is limited, although seemingly vast. It seems certain things become the past in order for us to face the future.

I've just recently re-read nearly every entry I made into this journal in 2008. And I have to be honest, it was a terrible year with a deceptively good start. The high-point came early when I got hired at work, effectively gaining health insurance, a higher salary, and at least a modestly higher degree of job security. From there it rapidly declined. Laziness and procrastination ensued, money concerns mounted, general apathy and routine set in. Eventually vacations were postponed and finally cancelled. The basement devolved from a recently tidied workout room to a financial and water-logged nemesis. A difficult and partly unresolved breakup was privately endured. Brian had an aneurism. And right when things were bad enough, I lost more than I could have ever imagined. In an instant, Mo was gone. An event that I still routinely break down over, and cannot seem to find any peace with.

And now life is moving forward whether I like it or not. It's a new year, which means nothing. But symbolically we tend to find meaning in things without, so that we can excuse ourselves into a new frame of mind. I usually don't feel that way, but for the last 4 months I've been surviving on little more than distraction. I suppose if I'm going to keep going like this I'll need to add something else to the mix, even if it is just an excuse.

It's funny the only reason I started this journal was to have content for this website, which in itself I've admitted many times is entirely pointless. Now I've managed to end up with 6 years (and counting) of minutia which somehow serves to transport me vividly back to better or far worse times. I'd like to pretend that this particular entry has an air of optimism to it, but I know I cannot control what's coming. I can only hope that I'm turning my back on 2008 entirely.